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I feel like a horrible mommy. please help.

more and more i find myself yelling at my kids. i feel horrible. i am a single mother of two (5 and 2) due to a divorce. i work, we have our own place. and i am going to college on my days off. i am doing the best i can. but i find myself yelling at my kids more and more. i dont know what to do. i am tired and frustrated. i try to talk to my kids and/or redirect them. but after multiple times of them not listening to a word i am saying i end up yelling at them. not cussing or anyhting like that. jsut yelling things like "what did i tell you to do". i feel like a monster when i yell at my kids. and iknow it hurts their feelings. please help me figure out how to control my outbursts. even when stress and tensions runs high. Do you ever yell at your kids? I know it is not right and i would like to stop. any advice?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:04 PM on Aug. 31, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • Send them to their father.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:11 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • sending them to their father is not an option. he lives in another state. and i left him because of his drug use.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:15 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • You have alot on your plate right now, you are doing a great job, going to school, working and taking care of your children. It is very hard....try to focus on your goal of finishing school. Your just under alot of stress. Sometimes it may be helpful to put yourself in a time out! You know how the kids get 1 minute for each year old they are...well us moms may not be able to take that much. But tell your kids mommy is in time out, and go in another room if possible and just sit and collect yourself. Or if you can't go into another room, sit yourself in a chair and tell the kids they can't talk to you while your in time out. Find ways to relax, whenever possible. After the kids go to bed, take a bath. I'm sure you feel you can't find any time for you....but it is important so you'll be able to continue to do all you do!
    robinann5

    Answer by robinann5 at 9:27 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • Maybe you need to take a time out. Step into another room and give yourself a minute to calm down. At their ages you could even just say "We all need a time out!" and take a family moment. Stop everything you are doing and find something quiet and calming to do. So if your kids won't stop throwing their food then you'd take a family time out, everyone leaves the table and goes into a different room for five minutes and listens to music, sings a song, watches a TV show something that is a distraction - then go back into the kitchen to finish your meal and say "Okay, let's get back to dinner and no more throwing food."
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 9:27 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • Also try to remember that when you yell at children 6 and under that part of their brain shuts down. They don't hear it. Like if you say "Don't put that crayon in your mouth" and they stick it in, it's because all they heard was "put that crayon in your mouth" . So just keep that in the back of your mind, give them the tools to work with, say " doesn't that crayon need to be in the box with the other crayons?" and then show them the box. Kids don't take to yelling like we would think, they can't process it. That's what I do, I try to remember that they absorb things differently so we need to approach it different. Don't kick yourself, we all yell, just take a deep breath and collect yourself before you do. You should be proud of yourself for taking on such a huge job alone!
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 10:24 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • You so need some extra time for you, which Im sure right about now sounds impossible. First off you need to give yourself credit for all you are accomplishing, taking care of you, kids, school, a house, and on and on. Honey, its hard, but you can accomplish all you have set out to do. You need to find some way to take a little time away from the kids, even if it is after you put them to bed and you sink into the bathtub full of bubbles. Do you have any room in your house where you can put them in front of a TV for just a little bit, like 30 mins? When you feel like yelling, take a deep breath and count first........ til you can talk, I promise if you can quiet the yelling a bit, the kids will respond to the quiet way better than the yelling :) hang in there mommy, it will get easier :)
    SuperMomof3kids

    Answer by SuperMomof3kids at 10:27 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • I just bought a book at Walmart. It's called "STICK Up for YOURSELF! Every kids guide to Personal Power and Self-Esteem (by PhDs Kaufman, Raphael, and Pamela Espeland)..... We're still on the first chapter, but this book not only helps your kids, but if you read it with your kid, and do reflections and the exercises, not only will you be closer to your child, you both will learn something. My son and I are reading it in a classroom setting (I'm the teacher, he's the student). I write down key points on a whiteboard, and I make him copy what I write in a notebook.
    It will help your kids learn "responsibility ( for you less stress), how to make better choices, how to get to know yourself (so you can learn to control your outrage, LOL), and get power for your relationships, and life." I think it's a great start. I recommend it
    mumma28

    Answer by mumma28 at 10:28 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • You need a village (you know, "it takes a village to raise a child"). With one kid and a husband, I never would have survived without my good friends. We have two families on the block we have traded childcare with on a regular basis. You need a friend, family member or neighbor you can trade child care with (and share cooking, etc.).
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:50 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • I just read recently although I dont need the advice yet (5 month old) that having an adult time out is a good idea. To tell your child mommy needs a time out is a good thing. Like the other poster was saying, a family time out will give everyone time to regroup. Or whenever you feel like you want to scream, start counting very loudly to 10.
    soveryconfused

    Answer by soveryconfused at 11:19 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • who the told this strong capable women to send them to their father-----just send them to their rooms, mine spend alot of time in there rooms, seriously if chose not to listen they can be in there room, then they start to miss me because they know I am home, and they come out and talk to me, and then I ask them, why cant you listen, they say they will try harder and then we cuddle. and as they get older they understand and it also gives me and the kids to cool down so we are not yelling.
    blue_glass_mama

    Answer by blue_glass_mama at 12:04 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

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