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Should you make your child wear a gift he doesn't like, so as not to hurt people's feelings?

My son recently had a birthday he is now 3, and his grandparents got him new shoes. They are just a pair of normal black shoes and he refuses to wear them. Whenever he plays outside he would rather go barefoot or wear his sandal or "old" shoes, but not the new ones. He is also like this about shirts and picking out clothes for the day for him is a nightmare. I am afraid he will hurt grandma and grandpa's feelings the next time he goes and visits if he refuses to wear the shoes. And yes it is simply because he is picky, the shoes fit him fine and there is nothing wrong with them.

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:15 PM on Aug. 31, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (4)
  • When I read your title the first thing that popped into my head was the bunny suit in the movie A Christmas Story! lol ;)

    Does he see them enough for them to notice he NEVER wears them? If not, then I wouldn't worry too much about it. Not like you are fibbing. Just don't bring it up.

    If they see him all the time, they should understand that he is 3 and he is a suborn little boy!! lol I don't think they will take it personally! :) He'll grow out of that too. You will be able to reason with him about that sort of situation before too long.

    Good luck! ;) lol

    Answer by DirtyMonkey at 9:27 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • My 4 year old was the same way when he was three, I told him I'm the mom and you will wear what I pick out for you. In my opinion I would nip this in the butt now while he is still young or else you will have a hard time later. My sisters son is 10 years old and it's a nightmare when it comes to getting dress.

    Answer by looovemybabies at 9:29 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • There is nothing to nip in the bud. A child should be given choices. As many as possible in all honesty. Even silly choices like do you want me to put you to bed or dad? The blue shoes or the black shoes? Then the more your child knows you trust them and they have a sense of empowerment they will listen to you on the issues you find more important. Like safety. I trust my son to pick his shoes and clothes out. I have since he was one. I give him several to choose and then he picks. We have no nightmare about getting dressed. On days where I have needed something more of my choosing, because I have trusted him to select his own items, he has no beef with me saying you need to put this one on today and I give a reason. I'm not here to be my child's nag hag, I'm here to teach him. I have taught him that he is an independent little guy who can make choices. They learn by you giving them independence and freedom.

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:27 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • Maybe they are uncomfortable? If he'd prefer to wear anything but those shoes i'd start to think that maybe it's less about what they look like and more about how uncomfortable they are.

    My son is fairly picky with his clothes as well and I usually let him pick his own clothes out but if they don't match I let him know quickly i'm the mom and he will wear what I pick out.

    Answer by KalebsMommee at 1:25 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

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