Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Would you say anything to this person(read the details please)

I have a friend that has 4 boys (ages from 5 yrs to almost a yr) Well she lets the youngest 3 bath together but not the 5 yr old. She says her reason behind it is because it will turn him gay. The 5 yr old does not know how to wash himself at all. She has not ever taught him. There is no man around to help teach him at all either. She baths the other 3 just not the oldest. Have no clue why either. I have asked but she has always changed the subject. So would you say something to her? I am on the verge of saying something but don't know if I should.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:58 AM on Sep. 1, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I would...but that's just me, lol.

    I stopped letting my older two bathe together last year. They were 3 and 5. For various reasons...none of which were fear of turning them gay. I don't have to sit with them anymore (they're almost 5 and 7 now) but they know how to wash themselves, and their hair.

    She doesn't have to bathe the 5 year old herself (he can take a bath while she's dressing the other 3), but she SHOULD be teaching him how to wash himself.

    I don't know what the brand is, but they make a soap to help with this. It's made for little kid hands. It's a soap bar covered with some type of green helps so the soap doesn't slip out of their hands, and since it's bright green, it interests them. That's what I used to teach my girls. Maybe you could buy a few of them, tell her your kids love 'em, and that you wanted to share with her.

    Answer by milfalicious08 at 11:33 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • I would tell her she needs to teach him how to wash himself, he is old enough to learn how but she has to teach him.

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 1:02 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • ...It will turn him gay to be washed with his BROTHERS? nothing else, I'd say something about THAT. Crazy homophobic people and their outlandish ideas....

    Answer by SarahLeeMorgan at 1:04 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • I think there's a problem. Is there some reason she might resent the oldest?

    Because, first of all, bathing with his brothers won't turn him gay. Second of all, there isn't any reason that a 5 yr old can't wash themselves, but they need to be TAUGHT HOW. And they need to be supervised to make sure they do it properly.

    When did she stop letting him bathe with his brothers? The fact that she lets the others bath together but not him says there's more to it than she's saying. Has she maybe caught him touching himself? (a very normal 5 yr old thing to do, btw) Has he been abused and she knows it, but is trying to ignore it (sadly, very common, especially with boys that have been abused).

    Does she resent his father more than the other dads (if there's different ones), or, if it's the same dad, does she resent him for being what got her stuck with the guy (again, not reasonable, but common...)

    I would talk to her.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:10 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • well, my concern is that maybe you are crossing your boundaries as a friend if you try to dig too deep into this. i dont know how close you two are, maybe it is acceptable if you are very close friends and discuss every aspect of your lives with eachother.
    if she hasnt told you why she doesnt teach her son to bathe and "changes the subject", then chances are she is not willing or comfortable in discussing this matter with you.
    if you must bring it up, maybe mention it very nonchalantly, like "my kids love taking baths together, and its the perfect photo opportunity" or "you know, my child couldnt get the hang of wiping herself until I had to get in there and show her how its done-and it wasnt a pretty sight LOL"
    just be careful :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:41 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • If the 5 year-old isn't washing there could be health and sanitary issues as well. Possibly she herself was abused as a child, and the sight of the little boy without his cloths on upsets her. I would be careful about crossing those boundaries too, it is in the best interest of the little boy to say something but that may open up some feelings in the mom that she has never dealt with,

    Answer by emnasmom at 6:47 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • WHen did she stop letting him bathe with his brothers? How often does he actually wash? I presume he attempts to on his own. But if he has never been taught then this boy will start to get some problems if he's not washing right which could turn serious.

    I think for this reason it is important that you talk to your friend even if it does seem to be crossing the boundaries of your friendship. It is wrong for her to not let her child wash properly, is there any reason WHY she would think that he was going to 'turn' gay from taking a bath with his brothers when his brothers of course won't? Why does she seemingly resent him more than the other boys?

    I would try to bring it up gently however, I know that she dismisses it all other times but you should keep persisting with this. Say it's important to you and that you're worried about HER and about her feelings about this. Because they aren't normal feelings.

    Good Luck.

    Answer by mommatomanyy at 6:56 AM on Sep. 1, 2009