Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

what do u do.

if the person who has custody of your kids wont let u see them..i havent seen them since 2006. but she expects me to pay child suppport. but she also refuse to amswer the phone so i can make arrentments to see them.. they live with my exs mom.


Asked by holly800 at 1:26 AM on Sep. 1, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I agree - continue paying the support. On the checks, make sure you note that it is child support and the dates it covers - this is very imporant. Whether you have visitation in writing or not, you need to see a lawyer - to either make sure your visitation rights are being honored or to get these rights in place for you and the kids. Unless you have drug convictions, sexual convictions, etc., you should be allowed to see the kids. I do not understand why custodial parents (usually mothers, sorry to say) use their kids in this manner.
    I WOULD NOT not write a letter to the ex, though. You do not have to kiss her butt to see your kids. Let the lawyer explain this to her. You can speak (or write) in court about how it would benefit the kids for you to be in their lives and how important it is to you. You'd be much better off being heard in that arena than by your ex.

    Answer by lbjbarbie at 2:05 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • Pay the child support and remain 'visible' in the world of social networking.

    Sooner or later your kids will come and find you. When they do, you'll have all the cancelled cheques to prove that whatever their other parent has been saying is b.s.

    I know a woman, now in her 30s, who hasn't spoken to her mother or allowed her to meet her children, because she lied her whole life about her 'deadbeat' dad... who very smartly kept all the cancelled cheques and happily showed them to her when she came to confront him when she was 24. Now, he has a great relationships with her and her children... and mom doesn't. Way to go. mom.

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:29 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • Is there a visitation agreement in the custody order? If so then you have rights and I would be making sure that i got to see my kids. Otherwise I guess you need to talk to a lawyer and find out what your options are. I also agree with linda, do what your supposed to pay the support make sure you keep a log of all your contact regarding the kids and your attempts to see them and what is said between you and the person who has custody.

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 1:37 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • Ditto 3 ring circus. If you have a visitation agreement in the custody order you have rights. Get a good lawyer to help you make sure you can exercise them.
    Continue to do what is required of you because the better you are the better you look in court.
    I suggest also writing her a heartfelt letter explaining how even if you have made mistakes in the past (I assume that is why you don't have custody), you feel that a relationship with your children is important for both you and the children. Focus on the children's well-being instead of your need to be with them (even though this is valid she is more likely to respond to their needs) and compliment her (sometimes in life we have to kiss a little ass). Talk about the psychological damage done to children cut off from their natural mother. Tell her you are willing to cooperate with her visitation guidelines.

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 1:59 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • If you have visitation rights then you need to get a lawyer and you need to make sure that your rights are carried through. If you don't then perhaps you should carry on sending these checks and occasionally write the woman who they are staying with letters/e-mails. Asking her please to let you at least talk to them a little and explaining why you want to see them and how it will benefit your children.

    Answer by mommatomanyy at 6:51 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • Paying child support does not equal visitation rights.

    If you court granted visitation rights and you are requesting to see your children within those rights, the the custodial party is in contempt of court and you need to file the necessary paperwork to take them in for this charge.

    If you do not have court granted visitation rights and you want to see your children but are being denied then you need to file for them. If you don't have money for a lawyer right away, file the paperwork with the court yourself and use the court provided mediation services. If an agreement cannot be met through mediation, then you should consult a lawyer.

    Answer by KATEISME at 8:12 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • I agree with the pp's. Pay your child support, but if you have a court order and she's not letting you see them, then contact a lawyer / the court that issued the visitation order and have her declared in contempt. If you do not have a visitation order, then contact a lawyer and get one. But either way, don't stop paying your child support. For one thing, your kids deserve it. For another, you need to be able to show your kids if and when they ask as adults that, regardless of their gma's actions, you paid support. Also, it will look better in a visitation fight if you can show you're paying your child support.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:40 AM on Sep. 1, 2009