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What would u do?

what if yiur husband had another son out of wedlock and he wanted to be apart of his life but you being his wife couldn't get along with his baby mother because she makes it pretty obvious that she has no respect for your marriage so she thinks she can run things. For example like calling your house with demands,etc.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:39 AM on Sep. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • I would let him be involved in his sons life. I would talk to my husband and set the ground rule and tell him how you feel.

    I understand how hard this is, you just have to think who are you hurting by not letting him see his son. If he really wants to be involved in the child's life and you have a strong relationship with him then hopefully everything will be okay.

    Good Luck and just remember to be honest
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 6:58 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • I think you don't have a choice about letting him see his son but you need to sit down with your husband and discuss this. If this woman is being impolite to you then maybe you and your husband should, together, have a talk with her about the situation.

    I know that it's horrible having to have her in your life but I'm sure if you talk to your husband and to this woman then eventually she will be better towards you.

    Just show her that your marriage deserves respect and how strong it is! She'll soon stop!

    Good Luck.
    mommatomanyy

    Answer by mommatomanyy at 7:07 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • I'd happy that he wants to be a father to his son, but your man needs to get a back bone with that woman. she's only doing it because she knows it gets to you and using her son as leverage to get him. I'd sa ignore the woman, because you can't do nothing about it but your man can.
    jmsteele87

    Answer by jmsteele87 at 7:15 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  •   You do whats BEST for YOU Mom! This is hubby's problem NOT yours.. If hubby is FALLING and ACCEPTING his EX's crap, then HE MUST change his tune. There's no reason for YOU to meet HER at all. Your hubby's should GO and Pickup his son to come to your house and ANY demands she has Should go Through YOUR LAYWER. Kiss the boy and make him feel secure and wanted.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:19 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • You don't have to get along with her. You don't need to be in contact with her at all. The child is hers and your husband's, so he should be dealing with her. He should go pick his son up for visits, he should answer her calls (caller id would be a huge help with this, if you don't already have it), he should deal with her demands. And frankly, if I were him, I'd get her to take her demands thru the court system, so that the ridiculous ones get dismissed and the legitimate ones get addressed and put in a court order so she can't try to change it later without going thru court. There's no reason why you should ever have to deal with her, and I would not punish the child b/c you don't like the mother. It's not the child's fault that mom and dad aren't together, and it's not the child's fault, in any situation, if mom or dad is a pain in the rear. The child should not have to suffer for that. Love him - he's innocent in this.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 7:47 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • Love the little boy with all you can. It is not his fault that his mom is a nut case. Your husband should have very strict boundries with that woman, including only communicating when totally necessary. You should never be left out of anything. If you & your husband stand as a united front, at first she will be very angry but then she will see that her games can not come between the two of you. The boy will see everything as he grows & eventually will know that you & your husband are the mature sensible ones. He will grow to love & respect you both. (probably not until he is about 21 though....lol)
    missamerica1

    Answer by missamerica1 at 7:55 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • i hate to say it but dh needs to grow a backbone and stand up for you and himself. once u let them have an inch and "win" it wont stop. there should be no demanding..he should go to the courts and set a c/s order and a visitation arrangment. and stick to it and if or when the bm ignors it document it, if she threatens anything document it.. the best way is e mail so u can print it out if u need to.your dh should get an e mail account and tell baby mama thats the best way to reach me ( meaning he checks his e mail daily ) good luck and hold strong..
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 8:09 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • Before you marry a guy w/ kids, you need to seriously ask yourself if you want to be in this situation. By marrying him, you accpeted to sometimes deal w/ his childs momma. You accepted to be a step parent, & you accepted to stand by your husband & your step son. His mother can think she has control, but she does not...at least no tin your house. The only thing she has control of is their son, I'm assuming she is primary parent.

    Why do you even care if she has respect for your relationship or not? Your relationship w/ your husband is none of her business. She can assume & hate all she wants, why let that affect you? Don't let the way she feels bother you, that is what she wants. If you are above all that, then you will be the one bothering her. Just be strong, & stand by your husband...and let him be a dad. Don't take that from him & his son.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:00 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • Set her straight. Set boundaries now or she'll run over you and your marriage the rest of her life.Tell her no phone calls or contacts that are not directly to do with the child. If she does, then again, hang up. Treat her like a child showing bad behavior if she' s going to act like a child ...ignore the bad behavior.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:07 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • Your husband should be the one to say things to her like 'I'm at work so talk to my wife about it...', 'I'm too busy to have this conversation so here, talk to my wife' etc... I know you don't want to have to deal with her but the more he forces her to deal with you, she will quit calling. She doesn't want to deal with you, she wants to ruin what you have with him & wants to make sure that you don't 'take over' as mom. Remember to let the boy know that you respect that he has a mom. As a matter of fact, when you are at the store with him some day, let him pick something small to buy his mommy. Be kind to mean people, they hate it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:23 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

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