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If your husband told you "kiss my ass"..

how offended would you be? I am from another country and "kiss my ass" is like a very serious "fuck you" or worse.. my husband started saying it to me whenever he gets angry and the last time he did it I told him if he does it again I am gonna divorce him.. Well tonight he said it again and when I asked him if this is what he wants he said well than go ahead and divorce me over a "kiss my ass". Am I overreacting?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:42 AM on Sep. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • Hey, if you feel that strongly about it - AND you did tell him next time he did it you would divorce his ass - there he went and did it again - are you a woman of your word or just throwing threats out there? Just asking.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:45 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • You overreacted when you told him that you would divorce him over something that stupid!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:48 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • I would tell him to bend over!!!!! Then I would ask him if he wants it bit or licked too...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:49 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • OP-I don't know I guess it was more like just a threat but now that he said it again and I asked him to take it back he said he's not gonna take it back. when I asked if he remembered that I said I'll divorce him last time he said yeah he does and than I asked him so what? And he just said well than go ahead because I wont take it back. . I am honestly kinda bumped about it, I never thought he'd say than go ahead. I also have no idea where to go right now
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:50 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • You're right to be "bumped" about it. You've expressed that it upsets you and him doing it again makes you feel like he doesn't value your feelings about it. That's understandable - however - don't throw out threats that you don't mean - doing that actually makes the situation worse. I think what he don't get is that you're more upset over his lack of respect for your wishes than you are about the actual language. Of course, "kiss my ass", "F^ck you" and other things like that should not be said to your spouse - But you've kind of backed yourself into a corner with this one - you're gonna have to get through his thick skull that you're serious - and that this really does mean something to you. "kiss my ass" can be a definite dismissal - and that's never right between husband and wife.
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 7:54 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • i think its silly.. its not a threat kiss my ass is really just a lame thing to say in a fight really really stupid thing to divorce over more important fights..pick your battles and even if u say dont say it..if hes said it his whole life in a fight its a hard as hell thing to break
    peytonJJ27

    Answer by peytonJJ27 at 7:56 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • He probably said go ahead & divorce him because if you are really that type of wife then he doesn't need you anyhow. Somebody that will divorce over that will not be there beside you through the tough stuff in life. Go ahead & divorce him so he can find a woman that he can happily go through life with. You are living in this country now so don't bring over the stuff you left behind. On the other hand, he needs to respect that you don't want him saying that but until you become a stronger wife, he probably won't have respect enough to stop.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:00 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • It sounds like there's a lot more going on here than someone saying kiss my ass. It sounds like there's a problem because you're hurt that he could be that disrespectful to you that he doesn't care that it hurts you that much when he says it, and he is feeling hurt because to him it's just an expression (yes, it's insulting, but in the US, it's not that big a deal, people even often say it as a joke to each other). He's probably thinking "yeah, I was mad, but if she's willing to walk out on me for that, then fine, go."

    I think maybe you should wait until you both calm down. Then, tell him in a calm way that you're sorry you said you were going to divorce him over it, and that you promise to never make that threat again unless you mean it, and that you hope he'll forgive you for being that hurtful. Then, also say that you hope that he will understand where you're coming from, too.

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:12 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • cont

    That you understand that to him, it's just a way of expressing frustration, but to you, it has a whole different meaning. That you understand that this is partly a difference between the two of you, and partly a cultural difference (but for a multi cultural relationship to work, both cultures need to be respected), but it really hurts you when he says that, and you hope that he would be willing to use a different expression next time he's angry.

    But honestly, it sounds like both of you have crossed a line with the other one as far as what you said, so unless you really do want it to end in a divorce, one of you needs to be willing to take the first step to reconciliation.

    gl!!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:16 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • Wow..if my husband ever spoke to me to me that way regardless if we were fighting or not he'd be picking his shit up from out the trash. Unfortunately it sounds like you and your husband have some communication issues and you both need to learn how to express yourselves without resorting to hurtful tactics. Next time try saying this.."it hurts me when you do this or act like this blah blah blah" instead of "you're an asshole blah blah blah when you do that"..Most people automatically get defensive when confronted or so my therapist says..lol

    Just remember it's like putting nails in the fencepost, you may take those nails out but you will always be left with the holes those nails left behind.
    magoogie

    Answer by magoogie at 8:45 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

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