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Do you agree with this?

"Not my kid, not my problem."
What if the problem concerns a close family member, like a niece or nephew? I see people posting questions about their nieces or nephews because they are worried about them. Their parents are constantly feeding them junk food or maybe they are disciplining them to harsh, maybe bordering on abuse. So many people will answer with a snotty "Not your kid, don't worry about it." But if this is family, of course you would worry about them! I'm not saying it's right to tell someone how to parent their child, but is there something wrong with worrying about a child that isn't yours? Maybe that's why they post their questions here, they don't know if they should say something to the parents, so they ask advice on whether or not to bring it up and how to do it if the situation warrents it. Why do people have to be so harsh when answering those kinds of questions?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:06 AM on Sep. 1, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • because they have probably never been in that situation or would still say the same thing even if they were
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:08 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • Some people are just heartless. I know the whole Baby Briana story has been going around lately, and that is the prime example why NO ONE should have that "not my kid, not my problem" attitude. Briana's grandma and uncle (?) had that attitude, and she died because of it.

    I care about the children of the world. ALL OF THEM. Why? THEY ARE OUR FUTURE!

    milfalicious08

    Answer by milfalicious08 at 11:20 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • I agree with you milfalicious. A couple months ago, a woman in my city killed her 3 year old son and buried him in a playground. The news reported they were transients. But after this happened, her family and friends came out of the woodwork and talked about how much they loved the little boy and admitted they had concerns about how she treated him. But they did nothing! The mom kicked her out because she didn't like the way she treated her son, yet she let her take him. Then her friends said they kicked her out of their home for the same reason, yet again they let her take him. Maybe if someone had stuck their nose in here, that child would have been with someone who could love him like a real parent, instead of leaving him in the hands of a monster.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • I don't agree with a lot of the things my brother does with my niece. But it would have to be borderline neglect or abuse before I will give my unsolicited opinion. If the shoe was on the other foot, would you want your brother or sister giving you their unasked for parenting advice? It doesn't go over well and causes more harm than good.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 11:49 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • I think it is hard to watch someone you love and care about be treated in a way that you disagree with. The bottom line is that unless it is obvious abuse that is reportable to social services you have to tread very lightly. The best way is to lead by example. Only have good foods around and invite the family/friend over for a meal or play date with snacks. Share magazines with articles about health. Be a role model in how you interact, correct, and teach your children. We are limited when it comes to assisting our family and friends with their children. I often have people tell me they are concerned that I don't spank, that I'm neglecting my son because of my personal and professional philosophy. They truly care and believe it. Doesn't make them right. Influence how you can and if it is truly abusive report the situation to the authorities.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:49 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • OP here: I'm not saying I think it should be ok to give your unwanted opinion on how your brother or sister should raise their child. What I'm saying is I don't see anything wrong with being concerned for the kids, while alot of moms here seem to think if it isn't your kid, you shouldn't worry about them. I don't agree with the way my sister raises her kids but I don't tell her how to do things. I believe in spanking but I know she on occasion will hit one of her girls too hard or yell at them for no reason. Like a pp said, I invite my nieces to stay with me alot, to spend the night. I try to talk to them about things their mom may not, like drinking and drugs. I try to get them out of the house as much as possible because my sis seems to think they are only there to help raise their little brother and sister. I'll ask my niece to babysit, but I pay her and I'm hoping that will teach her responsibility and how to save money.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • I agree with the not your kid mentality. My cousin treats her kids like crap. DCF has been called many times and she's moved from state to state to avoid getting the kids taken away. We visit, take the kids for the weekend, but them things and feed them, but at the end of the day they will still go home. If they kids are taken away, we dont' knwo what will happen. We can't care for all 4 of the kids, but we would try. But we don't want to tear the family apart. We want to help but we can only do so much. So we try to set a good example for the kids and help out where we can and report them when things get too bad. Beyond that, we can't force my cousin to do better. So what else is there?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:20 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • anon :20, your example is what I mean. You obviously care about the kids right? Take them for weekends and such, like I try to do with my nieces. What I meant when I said do you agree with "not my kid, not my problem" is do you think people are wrong to worry about kids that aren't theirs, and I'm not talking about taking them away from their parents. Some people seem to think if they aren't yours, you shouldn't worry about them. But you care for your cousins kids, so in that worry about them too right?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:33 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • Its hard to find that line between butting in and doing good. I think most of us struggle with that and hope and pray we make the right choice!
    wildboyz1994

    Answer by wildboyz1994 at 2:02 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

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