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Clueless Parent?

This is going to sound bad, but how do I tell my Dh that he is clueless when it comes to his kids? I don't know, maybe it's his age, he's 28 and probably not totally mature, as it takes men forever in that department it seems.
I feel like I am always having to tattle on the kids to him or tell him how to approach things. His daughters are 12 and 11, and he doesn't check up on their grades, who they are going out with, their computers, phones etc. He is a very loving dad and always has been, but it seems like he thinks they are still in that little innocent stage and that the world is completely safe for them so he doesn't have to monitor anything.
It's concerning me and I don't want to seem like a evil stepmother or a horrible nag, how do I talk to him about this and maybe get him to change?


Asked by Anonymous at 4:40 PM on Sep. 1, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Men are usually clueless to everything going on around them. Sometimes, we as wives/girlfriends have to point some things out. We try to be gentle on their egos and lead them to believe that everything they do is always "their idea". Women have been doing this for centuries. We've become pretty good at it. Just talk to him. Start by asking about something simple and ease your way up from there. He does need to be informed and know what's going on with the kids. You don't want to seem like you are overstepping any bounderies, but at the same time, you want to make sure that he is informed. Have you found that the girls are doing unsafe things? Ask him questions but use other kids as examples. Kind of "what if" situations, just to see if he will open up and to see if he pays attention. Let me know how it goes.

    Answer by JR62250 at 8:29 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • Just talk to him. Heck, have him watch some episodes of Dr. Phil. Some of the things kids get into......phew. Just tell him, girls are very impressionable, and while he is a wonderful, loving father, he needs to be a bit more involved. Tell him you love the girls and you dont want to appear like the evil step-mother, you just care about them.

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 4:42 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • You could try to talk to him, but be gentle on his ego ; ) Praise him on something he does well with the kids then suggest something he could do to improve on. Maybe show him information on internet predators.

    And don't tattle on the kids for small stuff, it can make you seem petty. He doesn't need to check up on every single detail of their lives, but he should have rules to keep them safe.

    My father is 44 and has 8 kids aged 5-23 and he still doesn't have a clue.

    Answer by Cassieniccole at 5:02 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • What is wrong with him? You must convince him of the importance of know what your children are doing and who they are doing it with. Men are NOT usually clueless, at least not the ones I know.

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:11 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • I going to ask you 2 questions,where are their mother,and do they live with you, if they live with their mother,I'm quite sure she is aware of what they are doing,maybe they don't wish to talk with you. I willing to bethca they share things with their father.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:47 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • Why would you tell someone you love something so harsh?


    Answer by LindaClement at 1:30 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • Question.. do the kids live with you and there dad,
    Because from my experience if the live with there mother don't say a word, my husband is the same way in his eyes his kids can do nothing wrong, and if I see anything and say something, I am in the wrong, His kids are now 17 and almost 20 the have watched his son do beer parties when mom is gone, smoke cocaine, and his daughter brings boys to her bedroom with parents or with out around, she took pic of herself in a chair with her bra hanging off her shoulder and her fingers in her mouth, and all's I get is that well she wants to look good nothing wrong with that or well it's in her house.....

    They just don't want to think there kids do wrong

    Good luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:56 PM on Sep. 2, 2009