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Should I provide my ex's information to the school?

Hi all, first of all I am new here! I am a single mom with 7 year old, boy/girl twins. I am recently divorced and just starting to get things back on track. Anyway, I was facing getting my children back into school, but there was a daughter and son go to two different schools and I needed to get to work by 8:00! That's right, I literally needed to be in 3 places at the same time. My ex has not been helpful at all and I never ask him for anything, but just this once I asked him if he would take our daughter to her school and I would drop our son. Well, I knew that he was off that day, so when he said he couldn't because he has a pretty busy schedule, I can't say I was surprised. He has been barely involved and expects me to e-mail him all the information and submit his to the school....well I just won't do it. If he wants to know something he can contact them. What would you do?

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Asked by JossB at 4:45 PM on Sep. 1, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (10)
  • they wont tell him anything if you dont give the info.. my sons 6yrs old and the school has no record of his sprem doner at all.. if he walkd in they would be dumbfounded.. i say dont give it and if he needs info he can stick it up where the sun dont shine..

    Answer by ArlieBeeMee at 4:55 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • Thank you ABM, I feel the same way. He doesn't seem to have the time to be a parent and I am not his secretary. He's not even a reliable back-up. I am responsible for my info and for the kids's needs...that's it.

    Answer by JossB at 5:18 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • I would do whatever is best for the kids. Is it better for the ex to be informed and have access to their info, or is it better to start a war with the ex? I'm not saying go above and beyond, but if you have custody it would be nice to keep him in the loop, for their sake. Love them more than you hate him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:30 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • I haven't provided my ex's information either. I don't want him to have access to any of her information. Or be able to pick her up from school without my knowledge. Think smart mommy! Do what is best for those babies... If he isn't involved to begin with I wouldn't do it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:03 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • let him figure it out.

    Answer by busymom1107 at 7:21 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • Oh wow.Well first WELCOME TO CM :)
    Now to the real prob. If he doesnt have the time to be a parent and you cant rely on him for help WITH THE KIDS why does he need that info anyways. Tell him when he shows he can be a real parent and grow up and help you out with HIS KIDS he can be added as an emergancy contact and can recieve school info. If he chooses to remain uninvolved he doesnt need said info. Im so sorry about your situation though.
    Good Luck\, and feel free to add me if you like...I also have twins (9 yr identical girls)

    Answer by xomommy25 at 7:40 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • Does he have custody of them at all? My ex only has visitation, and he's not listed for contact at all. He shows no interest in what they do at school and my daughter has been there for 2 years, he doesn't even know where it is. I don't want him to have access to the kids or their information unless he asks me for it. He isn't reliable at all and I won't even put him as an emergency contact. My children's stepfather is listed before him, because he is the one who does everything with me. I'm not even sure the school knows my husband is not their "bio" dad. I wouldn't put him on there, but that's just my opinion.

    Answer by MamaChanny at 9:17 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • I am not hating him by doing this....I am focusing, as I have done since he left us, on the children. I am a very busy working mother, who gets no break because he has chosen to be more interested in his new wife than his children. Meanwhile, I have done everything I can to maintain a stable and loving home for the kids. He can contact the school and cultivate a relationship with the teachers just as I have done over the years. I ask questions and make sure that I am on the school e-mail so that I receive information about school events. Though he has "joint" custody, he literally does nothing for them other than visit about 11 hours a week. I feel that my energies are best focused somewhere other than being his secretary.

    I appreciate all of your answers to my question and's so nice to have support from other moms.

    Answer by JossB at 9:27 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • It really depends on the type of custody that you have. I have sole custody, so my son's school as NEVER had any information on his sperm donor and they never will. My brother had joint custody of his daughter and the school has his info and he gets info about her activities and her grades. I would give the info and let the school inform him of everything, so you don't have to.

    You don't have to give the father's info though. It is not required.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:58 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • If you have full custody of your children you don't have to tell him anything. If you have join then you should. I know in NY if you have full custody of your child/ren u don't have to say anything to your x. The only time you should be saying something is when he wants to pick up the kids and if he gave you money. But if he wants to be a smuck and not hel you out with his children, then you don't have to please him.
    I was reading an article in the NY Times yesterday that said that divorce women with children, the parent (most times mothers) do everything for the child/ren and the father goes back to being a single bachelor again.

    Your best bet is to not e-mail him or include him in anything pertaining to your children unless your children ask.

    Answer by happynewyorker at 12:58 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

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