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my 15yr. old daugther

my 15yrold daugther wrote a not to herself sayingshe is starting to think about sex alot. I went in her room and found the letter laying on her dresser so now she is not talking to me because she said i should not have read her private stuff. I made her an appointment to go to the doctor. What should i do about the silent treatment. I feel like I was not wrong because the letter was just laying there and I seen the sex word!!

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easygoing144

Asked by easygoing144 at 10:42 PM on Sep. 1, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • get her a vibrater. masturbation is way more satisfying than sex...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:43 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • don't snoop
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • everyone starts to have sex eventually. i already had sex when i was 15 and im not a whore or anything.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 10:50 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • I know what to do. I have 3 neices and they are always talking about their sex life unfortunately. Do you have a sister? If not buy her a diary so that she can write her thoughts down. Just apologize for reading her things. Tell her that she can use the dairy to put her private thoughts in it and you promise not to read it. However you need to keep the lines of communication open. My suggestion is talk to her about it after you apologize. Tell her your concerns and ask questions and tell her that you are willing to talk to her about the dreaded sex conversation. I'm sure she's curious and probably has friends that are non-vir. You have to keep an open mind and not yell. My neices tell me everything and yes they are 14, 15, and 16. They don't talk to their moms because their moms freak out over the sex convo.
    jenzachsam

    Answer by jenzachsam at 10:52 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • I think you should tell her that you understand that she's embarrassed and hurt. But, you did not "snoop" - it was laying out in the open. If she doesn't want something to be seen, then she needs to make sure it's put away. Also, as her mom, you love her and want to make sure she's safe, whether it was when she was little and was learning to walk, or now that she's older and starting to get curious about sex.

    That it's important that she knows that she can come talk to you about any and everything, without you freaking out about it, and that before she does anything she talks to you about it.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:52 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • Snoop-as long as she is in your house, her things are YOUR things. Period. Have the dr talk to her about the sex.
    You and dh sit with her at a calm time. yeah, she'll be sullen and surly and you may want to smack that nasty look off her face. Refrain. It sets the wrong tone. LOL Tell her you love her. Tell her you respect her as a mature, responsible(okay so strecth the truth with this one) young woman. You also pay all the bills. You provide what she has everyday for her. Tell her, you are sorry she is upset over you reading the letter, but you cannot be sorry you did it. It is your house. You need to know what is going on in it. Period.
    Now, she'll look REALLY pissed off at this point. Here's what you hit her with next:
    Sweetie, i knwo it is important to you to have some privacy. I don't want you to hide things from your dad and I though, esp things that deal with life altering behaviors, like sex or drugs. So here's the
    mama4Christ361

    Answer by mama4Christ361 at 10:58 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • deal: You can talk to us about ANYTHING. However, we will do it in a special area(pick a place before you talk to her!) What is said there can be anything at all, and it can be honest. We'll leave it there. The only time we can't is if we know you are going to hurt yourself or someone else. Otherwise you can tell us and it will stay there.
    Now, i know you're freaking b/c what if she says she is having sex? Well, how to handle stuff like that: Hear her out, counsel her. Ask her if you can take a break to process it, and get some facts for her on what she told you. Google like mad all sorts of diseases and nasty stuff sex causes. get pictures. Pictures are great(trust me). Then ask her to meet you back at a certain time. Show her the pictures(make them really graphic) Tell her how you feel-honestly how you feel. Tell her when Dad gets home, y'all will talk there together as well. Then, get her vajajay stitched shut until
    mama4Christ361

    Answer by mama4Christ361 at 11:01 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • her wedding night! No, not really, tempting though it may be. Just decided what course of action and steps you need to take and do them.
    Trust me it works great. I was a venom spewing hateful mean nasty secretive little brat as a teen. I was sent to live with my cousins I was so awful! They did the Truth Table with me--and I straightened up. I got all A's. I had wholesome friends. I even started going to church again. All because I felt I actually could trust the caregivers in my life. trust is a big thing for teens.
    mama4Christ361

    Answer by mama4Christ361 at 11:03 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • I'd take her to the doctor. She can have an exam, and tell her that once she starts having sex she will have to have regular exams. The doctor should provide some counseling too, or refer you to some more help.
    prettyrayray

    Answer by prettyrayray at 11:07 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

  • Our mom always told us, if you don't want anyone to know it, don't write it!

    But talk to her about it. Is she an only child? If so, get her a diary.(siblings like to read them.....mine did.) If not, try and get her to talk to you if you can handle it. Be open and understanding. I learned way too much from friends.....lol. I think it's better to learn from parents because they can also learn the consequences.
    MommyLee08

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 11:15 PM on Sep. 1, 2009

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