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Inappropriate behavior not discussed...

my daughter who is almost 8 has older girlfriends. 9, 10, 11...they come to my place to play with my little one. Candyland, go fish, and other 8 yr old appropriate games. Today these 3 girls were with us most of the day, 2 left and the other one hung out. When the other 2 came back we were just leaving to go to the market and the 3rd girl was coming with us. This made the other 2 mad and they started texting really nasty foul things to this young girl. Things like f*** You and calling her the "C" word. She did not respond and when we brought her home she told her mother. Now she decided not to take this to the other girls mothers so it did not get out of hand so she said. Luckily my little one did not get what was happening. I would have totally shown the other mothers the text msg and made sure action was taken. NO cell phones for one thing...what do you think?


Asked by Noosa at 1:37 AM on Sep. 2, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 20 (8,483 Credits)
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Answers (13)
  • I have had this problem before. the child sent me the text. When I said something to the mother she blew it off because the daughter was having a bad day. I was also told it wasn't meant for me but another child. Either way it didn't make things sny better. I felt like she thought it was ok for her to behave that way just because she had a bad day. I was really floored when it was for another child and still nothing happened. It was all sugar coated. I was livid at the mother and now my daughter is not allowed to play with her. I have a 9 y.o and 13 y.o neither one has a phone or needs one. I find it rediculous for these children to have them. I have a couple of friends with same age children who do have them. I hear constantly about money being tight. Guess what cancel that phone and you'll have a few more dollars.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:14 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • I think that having a cell phone with texting capabilities at 9, 10 or 11 is excessive. The only people they should be able to contact is their parents or babysitters.

    Answer by SarahLeeMorgan at 1:42 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • I'm a brat --I'd forward them to the girls' moms.

    Answer by LindaClement at 2:04 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • This is yet another reason tweens don't need cell phones. They need those disney phones or whatever they are that can only called like mom, dad and 911. In my opinion cell phones in this age group and even teens is nothing but trouble, with the harassment and sexting and all that other stuff parents should monitor their kids more closely. Anyway i would have gone to those girls mothers and informed them of their behavior as well as tell the girls how inappropriate, disrespectful and disappointing their behavior was.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:12 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • this is wrong for so many reasons, why do they have cell phones at 9? I would have said something, no one talks to my kids that way especially not some little spoiled brat witha cell phone.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:24 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • My skids both have cell phones that their BM bought for them. I think it is just crazy to spend that kind of money on cell phones. My son wants one now and he is 10 yo. Not gonna happen...he can have a cell phone when he can pay for it. My skids are 10 and 12. She is insane and all about keeping up with the Jones'. More power to her but their wants are just gonna keep getting more expensive, and what is she gonna do when she doesn't have the money to spend on those things? She will probably call us, well guess what the answer will be NO!

    Answer by sara13178 at 11:29 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • I'm one that believes in talking it out. I'd have gone to the parents myself and told them of the inappropriate behavior. It affected you indirectly that time but what if they talk like that when your child is out in public with them? What if they talk to her like that when you are not around? It's bully mentality and should be addressed. I'd tell them straight up in front of their parents that if they continued that type of behavior they were no longer welcome in my home. My dd went after high school kids yesterday that said something vulgar to my grandson on the way home after he got off the bus. She's a tiny woman but she got their attention and listened to her. She'll report it to the school since it happened on the way home from. She'll also let the authorities know what happened in case of a future incident. If she can find where they live then she'll talk to the parents. The point is 2 let bullies know u r watching

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:05 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • I think that a child having a cell phone is a good idea only if they are shown how to be responsible with it. It's up to mom and dad to decide to get them one in the first place. My oldest is 11 and she has her own phone. She has text capabilities, but no camera just yet. I check her phone regularly, and she doesn't erase her messages or call logs or anything. I have taught her that the only reason I got her this phone is because she walks home from school and I need to know that she can contact me at any time. I feel safer that way. However she almost lost it last year, because she was messing with it during school, and letting other kids use it. I told her having a phone is a privilege, and one that can be taken away. This hasn't happened again, if it does she won't have a phone for awhile. Simple. Teach them responsibility, and if they can't follow the rules, they don't need a phone.

    Answer by chavela_carlita at 1:13 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • I don't see this as a question of cell phones but really a question about intervening and contacting other children's parents about their I wrong about that? I tend to err on the side of NOT contacting other kids' parents. It usually doesn't end well and everyone winds up defensive and angry at one another. I know, many of you are going to say that if you child was doing something like this you would want to know about it, is more complicated than that. Sometimes parents are quick to latch on to something they think another parents' child did that was wrong and they use that as an opportunity to show what a great parent they are...their "zero tolerance" and how protective they are of their own child. Now, with an attitude like that coming at you are you still sure you would want to be told? In a perfect world where parents are genuinely supportive of one another,would be good to know. Not judged.

    Answer by BJoan at 2:33 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • Why all the opinions on cell phones? Thats not even what the question was. Whether or not these kids have cell phones is between them and their parents. If they werent texting nasty messages, it would be nasty phone calls or gossiping in school. Nothings changed but the technology. I think that since it happened at your home, you do have the right to take this information to the girls mothers and discuss it. I know I would have. You also did the right thing by presenting it to the mother of the child on the receiving end and she chose not to address it. THats her choice and its likely shes a non confrontational person. Im a person who wants to do whats right, stand up for whats right and fight for whats right, regardless of the person I offend. You could respectfully tell them that while another child was in your care, their daughters sent innapropriate mess. to this childs phone. Then let them handle it how they see fit. GL!!

    Answer by momofsaee at 11:26 AM on Sep. 3, 2009

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