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I need some serious, drama free, adult advice

Ok, my sister has 3 beautiful children, and she has always been a great mother to them. Last year she left her husband (who by the way is a WONDERFUL father, husband and provider, we all believe she is nuts) and started seeing another man. Well, now this man is out of the picture and she's dating another one. He's a good guy and all, but anyway since she decided to leave her husband she has been very neglectful to her kids, leaving them here and there and just being very selfish. Her oldest daughter is 12 and she will leave the two youngest, 6 and 3 with her to watch while she goes out with her boyfriend. I live pretty close to them and yesterday I called to find something out and she had left them all at home, outside playing so she could go to the gym! I was FURIOUS. So I rode to her house and low and behold the 6 year old wrecked on her scooter and tore her knee up pretty bad....cont....

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:31 AM on Sep. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • The 12 year old who "watches" them was outside talking boys and I can almost bet she wasn't watching them, because she's not the most responsible kid. These kids are my life, I love them more than anything in this world, and my sister and I used to be so close. I don' t know what to do. I do NOT want to see these kids hurt or worse, but I don't want to call CPS or anything like that. I thought about talking to the bio dad, we are still close, but he would just want to take the kids completley away from my sister. I really don't know what to do, but I think I know what I need to do. Any advice would help, and please don't bash, I'm really distraught over this!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:34 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • Maybe the dad needs to take the kids away just to wake your sister up. Sometimes it takes harsh things to wake someone up and you don't want the kids getting hurt either. I will say a prayer.
    JMcDonald

    Answer by JMcDonald at 8:36 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • You need to talk to your sister about your concerns. Avoid accusatory language; you don't want to turn this into a divide between the two of you. Say that you're concerned that what happened yesterday will happen again, and worse, and then volunteer your services as an aunt who can babysit. You need to use the most sympathetic language possible when talking with her. Accept that she wasn't happy in her marriage, and that sometimes she needs to get away from the kids, and offer whatever help you can.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 8:41 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • i would talk to the father about it. they are his kids he needs to know whats goin on. If ur sister is not dealing with them like she should then its time to do whats right for the kids and that is get them help in this case callin cps or their father. The kids deserve better then what they are getting. ur sisters not thinking about them and it just running around like she is 18 with no kids. to me it sounds like she doesnt care and doesnt want to deal so the kids goin to their father might make her happy. BUT to tell u the truth it sounds like shes depressed. Have u tried to talk to her? I know a chick that did the samething to her kids. She didnt want to deal bc she wasnt with their father. She didnt help the kids with anything doesnt pay attention to them and goes from guy to guy to guy.. u should talk to her about her exhusband n ask her how she feel about him
    chrstny88

    Answer by chrstny88 at 8:41 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • I think the kids need to go live with their dad, but be prepared for your sisters fury
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 8:41 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • YOu need to talk to your sis and if she can't straighten up, the the bio dad will have to step in...you don't want them taken away from your sis, but IMO she isn't being a very responsible parent and they need that in their lives.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 8:43 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • First have a talk with your sister, your relationship should come first. Let her know how you feel. Let the Mom know about the daughter, otherwise she will end up pregnant and then everyone will really be messed up. Make it clear to your sister that if things don't get better with how she takes care of her children then you will have to call her ex. Maybe that will be the wakeup call she needs.
    I had to stop talking to one of my sisters because she gave up her son and didn't want to be a mom, I have no respect for her. She had him and then handed him over to the father and doesn't pay support, lives 4 hours from him, it's sad...But sometimes you just have to let go.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:43 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • I started babysitting four little kids when I was 12 years old. Little kids fall off bikes very often and get scraped plus when they run and play and jump around for goodness sake.

    My two daughters when they were preteen like your niece were BOYS nearly 24 hours a day.

    Going to a gym and leaving 12 year old in charge really isn't untypical.

    If dear sister is running around sleeping with different men - and I had a sister who did that- in her home while kids there - that's a reason to be upset.

    If sister is going to bars and staying out until all sorts of hours coming home drunk or sober that's a reason to be worried too.

    If house is cluttered with toys, wash etc. but usually clean, neat. Then that's not a concern really in the realm of childhood if the kids are clean and healthy too.

    I'd tell her directly un planned in advance known to her,your concerns and that if she doesn't pay attention- you'll tell b
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 8:59 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • I agree and think that if I were in that situation I'd voice my concerns to my sister but I'd leave out how great her husband was and who she's sleeping with. Sometimes the "great" relationships we see really aren't so great from the perspective of someone who is actually in the relationship. You should use great care in telling her what you think because most women feel threatened when trying to tell them that you don't like the way they are parenting. I would definitely not tell the ex hub! Thats your sister, and whatever your feelings about her ex are, they are irrelevant. It doesn't sound like your sister is actually doing anything that horrible and I agree with the answer that kids fall. Kids get hurt. I would mention that when you called her , the 12 year old wasn't watching the kids. I'd make sure to start first with telling her that you don't feel close anymore and it's hurting you.
    Katrina3016

    Answer by Katrina3016 at 9:43 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • yeah, talk to the dad
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:50 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

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