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To tie or not tie my tubes?

I would like other peoples opinions on this. I have two children from previous marriage, and my husband and I have one toddler boy together (14 mos old) and another boy on the way, due the beginning of October, and will be born by csection. Originally we were planning on tying my tubes during the csection. But once my husband found out that it was a boy that we are expecting, he started talking about how he would really like to have a little girl too. So, now, we told my doctor that we werent going to be tying my tubes, because the doctor said not to do it if you arent 100% sure that you arent going to want any more children. To be honest, after this one we are expecting, I would be more then happy to be done, but it is my husband that isnt sure about being done. After all we will have 4 children, , we dont have a lot of money, and we have a 3 bedroom house that we own, and cant afford to sell it and buy a bigger one.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:25 AM on Sep. 2, 2009 in Pregnancy

Answers (10)
  • I don't think you should "try" for a girl at this point. There is no guarantee you'll get one, and clearly you are in a financial state where it would not be best to have another child. You could keep your options open if you want, but I think you should get your tubes tied if you are worried about the expense of having a lot of children.
    sweetmoonem

    Answer by sweetmoonem at 9:29 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • i have 2 kids 1 boy, and 1 girl. i got my tubes burnt, cut, and tied. my x signed the paper while i was out. i had to have 2 c- sections, and at very high risk, but i hate him for that. i wish i could still have 1 more kid. of course after we split he had 4 more kids with his girlfriend now.
    okc-mom-2

    Answer by okc-mom-2 at 9:33 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • if i where u i would get them burnt, cut, and tied. and be done
    ashley_nick30

    Answer by ashley_nick30 at 9:49 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • You're the one who will have to carry it for nine months and then there's no guarantee it will be a girl. If you're done you're done. There's always adoption. I would go ahead and get it done. Depending on your age you may not feel like chasing another toddler around. Or wake up at 2 am to feed baby. Talk to him about it. He may change his mind. But he should respect your decision.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 9:55 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • okc-mom-2 do you mean your x signed papers for you to have you tubes tied without your permission while you were under anesthesia from csection? Whatever you meant exactly he did something with your health your rights that you know was wrong. Be happy that he's someone else's problems now. Every man that mistreats one woman goes on to mistreat more and more.

    op either child earlier relationship a girl? If so tell your husband to check his ego at the door and love the children he has, they're his children know under his nurturing and care, no matter where bio dad is.

    If both of your children from previous relationship are boys - they'refun and compassionate and loving and michievious and you get to tell them ways to nurture their beloved girlfriends when older and guide them there. Boys nurture frogs, turtles -all learned from a nurturing compassionate mom and sometimes dad.

    My tubes tiedaftr 3rd, no money for more.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:58 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • definitely don't not do it just to try for a girl, but i agree, if you are not 100% sure you won't want more children, don't do it. use some other form of birth control for a few years, or natural family planning (read something like "taking charge of your fertility"), and then in a few years you can decide, and then he can get a vasectomy or you can get essure. good luck! think about in 5-10 years, maybe you will want another then, and your money situation might be totally different.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:17 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • This is the OP------Anon 10:17am-------That is what my husband has been saying, which is in 5 or 10 years maybe or financial situation would be different, and we would decide that we wanted another one then. He will NOT get a vasectomy because of one that was done on his father and got majorly messed up, but my doctor did mention essure as being an option. I guess it would just be so much easier to have them tie my tubes while they are doing the csection, but I just dont feel right about doing it if we are both not 100% sure that is what we want.

    And ANON 9:58am my oldest one from the previous marriage is a girl, she is 9 yrs old. And my husband does treat her and adore like she was his bio-child. But he didnt get to see her through the baby and toddler stages, so I guess he feels he still missed out on all that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:31 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • If you are unsdure in either direction I say hold off. It is a major surgery & even though you will already be in "surgery" for the csection, that isnt a good reason to go ahead & have it done unless you want it 100%.

    Sounds like you both have some considering to do- the reasons you give for NOT wanting another can easily change in even just as little as a year.
    HunnibunniLyn

    Answer by HunnibunniLyn at 11:16 AM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • I wouldn't do it until you are 100% sure you don't want any more kids. I had mine tied and I regret it every day, worst mistake i ever made.
    Now there is a chance you may not get a girl. Do not try just to get a girl. You can try when you are comfortable with a girl or boy.
    My cousin tried for a girl and she ended up with 6 boys. Good luck!
    Right now you may think you are done, but give it some time to really think about.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:51 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • until you are sure in your heart and your mind...don't do it.

    I was set and ready after my 2nd to get the snip snip...but then I couldn't. so glad i didn't - #3 made her appearance and life has been so much better.
    hypermamaz

    Answer by hypermamaz at 4:08 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

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