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How can you tell your child their dad is not in the picture?

I'm a single mom and my sons father does not have anything to do with him. What can I tell my child when he reaches that age that his father doesn't want to have anything to do with him and that he claims he doesn't have a son?

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Asked by kymomma497 at 12:27 PM on Sep. 2, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (6)
  • Wow. What you said, that the biological father isn't in the picture seems to fit. You'll never want to bad-mouth the father, since the child will be all the more encouraged to wonder and to make up stories about the father and to want to interact with him. The child should be able to find out his father's medical history. How about saying that some people aren't meant to be parents and that you and the child make up your own wonderful family.

    Answer by Bmat at 12:32 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • You don't tear him down but at the same time don't lie to him. Lies have a way of coming back and biting you in the butt.

    Answer by baconbits at 12:50 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • Unless you remarry, there won't be much that you HAVE to tell them. My parents divorced when I was 2. My dad was in and out of my life, but my mom NEVER bad mouthed him. She let me form my own opinion and I am glad that she did. There are more kids these days who grow up in single parent homes for many reasons. Just know that your child will not be alone and that a family does not have to consist of more than 2 people! When your child gets to the point where they ask where daddy is, just be honest without tearing Dad down.

    Answer by Glowing4Caleb at 1:39 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • I was wondering the same for my daughter. I decided to just tell her that We don't really get along and we can be just as much of a family without daddy around. When she's a teenager she will probably have a harder time with it but she will understand better.

    Answer by MommyKKay at 3:57 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • My dad was never around. I didn't even meet him until I was 8. I don't remember what my mom/grandma used to tell me...

    Answer by Autumn22 at 7:16 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • It's normal to try to pre-plan a conversation that won't take place for years. We over-think things; children are quite simple-minded. Also, by the time he's 3-4, or 7-8, who knows? Bio dad may have a change of heart, so you don't want to say too much about the future, because we do not know what a day will bring. Also, you'll only want to answer questions that he asks, not those you THINK he wants to know. Age-appropriate responses always. "Where's daddy? He's at his house. Why doesn't he live here. Because he lives there. Doesn't he love me? You'll never know how much. (Because HE DOESN'T know....honesty.) Why did he leave? I don't know, hon, maybe one day we will ask him." We want our children's lives to be happy. You will know what to say when the time comes. Hugs to you!

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 7:27 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

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