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Paranoid mom or reason to be concerned?

Ok, long story short, my stepson lives with me and my husband. He visits his mother and her longterm boyfriend once a week. He is 8, and only about 3 years ago did he actually have any real relationship with his mom. She is flaky and hurtful, but I don't think any of it is intentional. We loved her boyfriend for a long time. Then about a month ago, my son asked his mom to start acting like he existed the other 6 days out of the week (his exact words). Now she calls 2-3 nights a week. Since then, her boyfriend has gotten weird. He seems really controlling now, and won't let her come visit her son here (not that she used to, but she wanted to start). You can tell the difference in my son's tone when he is talking to him on the phone, and if we talk to him at the other house, he gets awkward when the boyfriend is near. Mom now doesn't do any school/recreational function unless boyfriend can attend which means she misses a lot.

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:06 PM on Sep. 2, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (5)
  • CONT.

    Son now seems weird talking to or about the boyfriend. Apparently, Mom told him he had to tell the boyfriend that he loves him, but my son says that doesn't feel right to him. I feel like something is wrong, but I don't want to be that paranoid stepmother that is just picking a fight for no reason. I want him and his mother to have a good relationship, but not if the boyfriend is going to be a risk.

    And I know that i will get shit for calling him my son, but I am the one that was there since he was infant. To me, and to him, he is my son.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:08 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • I would be paraniod too. Maybe the BF is abusing him and the mom for that matter. IMO she needs to get rid of the BF for a chance at a relationship with her son.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:13 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • He shouldn't have to tell the boyfriend that he loves him! And if this was happening to me, I'd be talking to your son and finding out what the heck is going on! The boyfriend being controlling of the mother, well, not to be mean but thats her business. If she wants to let a man control when she sees her son and what she can and can't attend when it comes to him then oh well thats her problem.

    Answer by Katrina3016 at 2:17 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • Would a sit down with all four parents and step parents be out of the question? If it's possible just be careful to say you've just noticed changes in your son's behavior and make it clear that he hasn't SAID anything that way nobody gets mad at him.

    Answer by shawneewaiting at 2:43 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • trust your instincts and proceedd with caution. like shawneewaiting said-sit down and talk to them.

    Answer by hypersquirrel at 3:09 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

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