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Oops, I was a bit harsh.

I'm sure some of you have seen my posts about my overbearing MIL being on my husband's and my joint account? Well, last month she gave us a "budget". According to her, I'm "allowed" $300 a month for myself and my daughters, but of that money I have to pay the electric bill. Leaving me about $150 or a little more a month. Yea..ok. So I went a little over, like $100 at most, but I bought things I NEEDED for the fam. Anyway, hubby came home from work today saying his mom said I spent too much $$$ last month.

Well I blew up at him. He almost overdrafted, buying things online from Amazon and getting breakfast nearly everyday out instead of eating home before work. Not to mention some other "frivolous" spending on his part. I said, "How is it fair that you can spend x amount on bullshit and it's an ordeal for me to buy clothes or food for our kids? Since when did your mom become our money manager?" He said she's only trying-cont

 
tnm786

Asked by tnm786 at 4:43 PM on Sep. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • she is too controling

    she needs to back off
    maybe you could find her a boyfriend, so she can push him around

    i am assuming that she does not have a man in her life, or she would be busy making his life hell

    sounds like she could use a good fuck too...oops, did I say too much ( I am not sorry either)
    does that make you feel better, I know you can not tell her to get fucked, but I can
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:50 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • to help. Now I feel like a bitch. I know he deserved to hear it to some extent but I have a hard time speaking exactly what's on my mind and then it's too late. Now he's in the other room sulking. I apologized but still feel bad. It just irritates me soooo bad that his mom is on our acct and he won't take her off or see that she's being too controlling over OUR finances!
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 4:44 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • Open a new account....just the 2 of you. If he won't you guys need some counseling. I guess I'm not sure of all your past posts. This sounds like he's not done being Momma's boy. Why is this? That's really the base of all the problems.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 4:47 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • Why are you apologizing? I'm sorry but I've seeen your posts over the last few months. He needs to grow a pair and tell his Mommy to butt the hell out of your relationship. Anyone of you three can go close that account. You can't just take her name off it but you sure as heck can close it and open a new one with just yours and his names on it. Sorry, guess I'm the real bitch because that crap would never walk in my house. It's called "Leave and cleave" for a reason and he is still tightly wound in Moms apron strings.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 4:48 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • I'm not sure you should be apologizing. I did respond to your other post, I'm a mother of 3 sons ages 17, 20 & 26, and I truly believe it's inappropriate for your mother to be on your account. You are two married adults. You have a right and responsibility to plan your own budget, and handle your own family finances. I don't know why your husband is defending his mother, but this relationship seems entirely inappropriate. I think you might need to get some counseling to resolve this situation. His mother needs to see that she is WAY overstepping her bounds, and your husband needs to stand up for you, and take responsibility for his own family. You need to talk to him about this, and possibly you need to be able to talk to him about this calmly, but I think it would be pretty difficult to stay calm about your mother in law reprimanding you like a child, telling on you, and controlling your money!! I wouldn't do it.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 4:51 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • I meant his mother not your mother.

    Seriously, this is totally inappropriate. If you guys asked her to help you plan a budget, fine, but you need to handle your own money. If you make a mistake, she can decide whether to help you out loaning you money or not, but it's your money to spend.

    At my age, I am between my parents and inlaws, and my adult kids, I often can see both sides because I'm still experiencing both sides, but in this case, this just seems so very inappropriate.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 4:55 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • I don't understand why you apologized. You were right and he's a pansy who needs to stand up to his mommy. Why are you allowing this woman to control your lives?! Go get a separate checking account and only deposit paychecks into the new account.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 5:03 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • I can so relate to the overbearing MIL. You should not apologize. She has zero business in your finances. You two need a bank account with only your names on it. Your MIL should butt out. She is not trying to help, she is trying to control you and it's working.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 5:26 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • If you posted your purchases the balance should be clear enough for him to see and not overdraft. Tell him to call or get online and check the balance before he makes these purchases. There is no way in hell I would ever let anyone, even his mom, run my finances.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:34 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • i don't understand why his mother is on your acct or in your marriage ? did you marry her too? i think you should be firm....this would be a deal breaker for me...you need to talk to your husband about this in a calm tone....that it is going to seriously affect your marriage if it continues..especially cause you are buying things you need....and everyone is entitled to buy things they WANT too! i don't understand why your husband is allowed to spend money and that you are not...sounds like you are a second class citizen in your own family. stand up for yourself!!!
    abbyg

    Answer by abbyg at 7:51 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

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