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Is it rude to go to a vow renewal with just a card and no gift?

My husband and I live paycheck to paycheck, so i try and budget the best i can. his cousin and his wife got married last November but are having a picnic/vow renewal this Saturday... i wasn't able to budget for a gift or to give them money, i can only afford a card... i feel cheap and embarrassed about just giving them a card and nothing else... we didn't get them anything for their real wedding becuz it was very last minute and they told everyone the day before they were doing it... maybe i just feel guilty becuz i want to get them something, anything, but i can't... what would you guys do? don't make me feel worse than i already do... some people are funny about stuff like that and for my wedding my maid of honor couldn't afford to get me anything and i didn't care, she came, so that's all that mattered to me... she's like me, she felt horrible about it and she's still apologizing for it :-)

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:28 PM on Sep. 2, 2009 in About CafeMom

Answers (5)
  • I think a card is just great. This is a good question. You could also offer to make a nice meal for them down the road as a special treat on a night of their choice.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 7:30 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • Vow renewals are not gift-giving occasions; they're supposed to be a celebration of the couple's love.

    Answer by SWasson at 7:30 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • We have attended graduation parties, baby showers, and weddings with no gift. We often can't afford it. I always make sure to write a personal note/letter in the card. Sometimes I know them well and can tell them what a joy our friendship has been, and when I don't know them well I just share what I hope their new life will be like! People have always been very gracious. (We had someone pack a picnic breakfast for us. Muffins, plates, napkins, and silverware-it was sweet, inexpensive, and thoughtful).

    Answer by micheledo at 7:35 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • I know alot of people feel obligated, im the same, i used to go broke trying to buy gifts but not anymore, people get cards or nothing , a VERY SMALL gift if i can afford it. i think a card is great, its something they can keep and remember their day! I think its personally RUDE for people to always expect a gift

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 7:37 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • No, it is not rude. Maybe add something that you can make for them such as a dinner for a special occasion. If they have kids, an offer for a free night of babysitting.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:42 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

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