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Does she deserve to see her daughter?

My fiances daughter is 4.5 years old. My fiance had a one night stand with someone he did not know, she ends up pregnant, dna test, my fiance takes his daughter 50% of the time... When she is 1 yr old her mother starts becoming more and more absent, one night CPS shows up at my F's door, they found the baby in a crack house with the mom sleeping next to a large bag of speed. The mother was suppose to complete drug treatment in order to see the baby. 3.5 years have past and she has not seen my f's daughter, she calls to talk to her but he doesnt let her, it has damaged the lil girl enough already, She now calls me her mom, i have embraced it. I feel if her bio mom really wanted her back in her life she'd do everything in her power, she is supposedly clean now, she is also very young. Im 25 shes younger than me. Anyway, What do you think? Do you think she deserves to see her daughter again? I feel yes and no...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:30 PM on Sep. 2, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (44)
  • I have seen this same question asked when a woman wants to know if she should let her drug infested ex see their child. 99.9% of the time everyone chimes in "hell no, he is a deadbeat, he should pay child support, you don't need that and neither does your baby." So why does the mom get special treatment just because she gave birth to the child? She is a lousy mother who cannot put her child first. End of story. If you are able and willing to love that little girl as if you gave birth to her and she calls you mom, then so be it! You are her mom! The mom needs to be able to stay clean for at least 6 months and show she is in treatment along with trying to improve herself. She is the one who messed up. You and your fiance are the parents so you two do what you feel is right and in the best interests of your daughter.

    FL2AK

    Answer by FL2AK at 12:32 AM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • I would say if she completes treatment then yes.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:34 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • Wow. This is a hard one. Being a mother myself I'd say yes she deserves to see her child. Everyone makes mistakes and it's not anyones place to judge her. Addictions effect everyone diffrently and unless you've been there you have no idea what it's like. I'd also be careful because him not letting the little girl talk to his mother can backfire on him. My mother was addicted to cocaine and my father wouldn't let her talk to me. I spent alot of time wondering why she didn't love me enough to even call. If a healthy relationship is possible, then in MY own opinion it should be allowed. After what the mother did, I'd set some boundries and restrictions on visiting and phone calls though. Like, the mother can come see the daughter but can't take her anywhere. Thats what I'd do anyways. Good luck sweetie!
    Katrina3016

    Answer by Katrina3016 at 7:36 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • I agree if she completes treatment then yes. And I think she should be allowed to speak to her on the phone..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:39 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • Yes...even after all this time has gone by. Because one day when she is old enough she will ask...why couldn't I talk to my mom on the phone. After all, she did call and try. And she will have more questions, and it could really backfire.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:41 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • Plus if her mom does get clean, she could take your fiance to court and enforce visitation, etc. I'd let her visit but if I were your fiance, I would not let her take her off the premesis.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:43 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • You never should have let that child call you mom if you didn't legally seal anything. That's not fair to the child emotionally. I know it's really difficult but these are things that happen when you take on a child that is not biologically yours. I am NOT saying she isn't better off with you though. Sadly the state gives kids back to their parents for worse. If she's truly rehabilitated I do feel she deserves another chance,for her daughter's sake,not hers. Addiction is a long hard painful road,and it's hard for people who haven't been there to understand. It's frustrating. Maybe if she is truly clean you guys could all work together on what will be best for this child who has no say.
    Steff107

    Answer by Steff107 at 7:44 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • My fiance went to court and filed the papers himself, at this point ther is nothing set with the courts, only CPS, so she could come at anytime and basically kid nap her and we could do nothing. Im not trying to replace her mom, shes just never had one so I hope people dont feel im ranting about this bc I dont want this girl interfering in my life, Im all about whats best for my "step" daughter.
    heatherette07

    Answer by heatherette07 at 7:45 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • what does the court say, need to get system involved, she may be given some time to see her but i bet the courts make it a supervised visitation with professional watching her every move

    i would not just let her without the proper channels and she will have to jump through hoops because CPS was involved and she should have to prove she is ok to see her child
    boredmom44

    Answer by boredmom44 at 7:47 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • A better understanding of addiction maybe needed also. She will never be "cured" of her addiction. And NOONE knows the effect that ANYTHING will have on the little girl until she's older. Not talking to her mom will effect her and talking to her will effect her. A flight risk, okay, have supervised visits. She can't kidnap her if noone lets her leave with her. Yep I think even after all this time it's still possible for them to have a good relationship. Okay, you say that all your thinking about is whats best for the little girl but wouldn't a chance at having a good relationship with her mom be whats best for her? And you shouldn't worry about what WE think. You are allowed to be pissed off that after all this time now the mother wants to come back.
    Katrina3016

    Answer by Katrina3016 at 7:56 PM on Sep. 2, 2009