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What do you think of this behavior?

So I understand that you have to tell you husband what you need or he won't know and if he doesn't know you can't get mad at him for not being supportive. So I have tried to talk to my husband about what I need from him. We both go to school and work and are raising our child plus we help a lot with my nephews. So we have lots going on. We work well usually as a team but when it comes to house work or things with our child I am the one usually doing the grunt work and I just get burned out. He knows what I need but he still won't help me. He acts sympathetic but it doesn't change a thing. I am not a big talker so I even just send him quick notes so he knows what I am thinking...but he doesn't respond or even let me know face to face. What would you do? I am so tired and the house is a mess.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:48 PM on Sep. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Unfortunately this has been an issue with all three of my husbands so don't really have any words of advice for you. All I can say is it sounds rather common/normal to me.
    cat1622

    Answer by cat1622 at 10:24 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • sounds normal to me too.....keep bitching at him thats what I do...
    michaux

    Answer by michaux at 10:32 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • Stop doing the work. It might take a while but he'll realize what you do. I've done that before and it worked well. I said "See this is what it looks like when I don't do anything. I can't do it all" -- It worked for me, it might be worth a shot.
    MamaChanny

    Answer by MamaChanny at 10:42 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • Go on "strike" I have done this with my dh doesn't get it when I ask for help, over and over again. I will do nothing around the house, except laundry and dishes for myself and my dd only. It takes a few days but he gets the point and appreciates all I do and helps out more. Of course this only lasts for a couple of months and i have to do it all over again.
    ajw1980

    Answer by ajw1980 at 10:42 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • sometimes it helps if you write a letter and say exactly what you need to say. If he doesn't get it than just yell at him and if all else fails throw the dirty laundry on his side of the bed lol
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:04 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • Find the good. He's a good man. He does more than what a lot of men do. Hug his neck and appreciate him for what he does do and dwell less on what he doesn't do and you will find that he'll start helping you out more. In the book For Better or For Best by Gary Smalley he tells wives exactly how to handle this to get what you want. It's a quick read. Take a look and see if that doesn't help.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:14 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • Just give him a list of things that you need him to do and when you need them done by. Telling him you need help around the house doesn't really mean anything to a man. Tell him step by step what you need him to do.
    FL2AK

    Answer by FL2AK at 11:46 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • Guys are ridiculous. I doubt it will change... Stop washing his boxers or something and he will get the picture
    Lauren24

    Answer by Lauren24 at 12:57 AM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • Tell him you're going to hire help 1 day a week because you are simply too exhausted to clean house AND do all of the other things required of you. He might start helping out when he realizes that you are going to spend hard earned money on something that is so easy for him to help out with. If he doesn't mind, then you will have help for the big things and all you have to do all week is just pick up vs pick up AND clean AND do laundry AND cook...you get the idea.
    JawgaMom1

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 8:15 AM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • try making a TO DO LIST
    and ask him which ones he would like to do, he can choose the easy ones of course but some help is better than what you are getting now
    of course if you write down all the things that need getting done and highlight/cross off with see through marker the ones that you have already done, he MAY get the hint
    do not ask him if he wants to do anything on the list, tell him he can choose five/six however many things TO DO, that way he has a choice (kind of) he may feel less like you are telling him to do things and he can feel like he is doing things he wants to, you can include some funner chores, i do this with the kids, like put away the videos that are always left out, not a big chore but everything helps
    make sure your list includes everything, even if it seems small, if it takes up your time and you do it without thinking even, it goes on the list
    boredmom44

    Answer by boredmom44 at 9:35 AM on Sep. 3, 2009

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