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First Mom

Personally I can not stand the

First Mom...when birthmothers call themselves that...

Just wondering how others feel about it..

A Mom here....don't think I posted this to start stuff...

I love my birthmother and birthfamily but in a million years I would never
refer to her as First Mom


Asked by Dannee at 10:40 PM on Sep. 2, 2009 in Adoption

Level 12 (784 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (68)
  • I prefer birth mother. Birth is a beautiful thing and it is in no way demeaning or diminishes the role that the mother played/plays in the child's life. Assigning order by ordinal positions to mothers is just not something I would feel ok with. It doesn't sent the right message to the children IMO.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:52 PM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • There are a few words I dont like so I dont use dont have to use it. I cringe when I hear someone call their husband "hubby". I hate those stupid abbreviations on the net "dd" and "ds" and "dh". I am a birthmom. I refer to myself as that when needed. Usually its not a word I ever use outside the net. I dont use "first mom" but if someone else does, fine. In real life, if it comes up I say "I had another child & she was adopted". That is how I prefer to phrase it. Its all about what one person or the other prefers to use or refer to themselves as. You dont like it; dont use it. But don't expect it to stop because you don't like it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:47 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • I gave my daughter up for adoption and I have never referred myself as FIrst Mom. I was never a mother to her I just gave birth to her. I refer myself as the birth mom. She calls me her second mommy.

    Answer by drs1206 at 10:49 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • I would not think anything would stop because I do not like it..

    I just wanted to know what others thought of it.

    And trust me I would never use it nor agree with it, even if our birthmother wanted me to.

    Answer by Dannee at 10:49 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • I would be a offended if my child's adoptive mom referred to me as "our birthmom". I didn't give birth to HER just the baby!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:51 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • I understand that too..

    should I be saying my daughters birthmother...

    Our birthmother just seems to come out...

    I will correct that.

    Answer by Dannee at 10:53 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • I know many people get in a tizzy when I use this term....but I generally refer to myself as her Mother. Her Mom just happens to be someone else. I loved her, I nurtured her, I talked to her...I gave birth to her....I am her Mother, no extra words needed.

    Answer by randi1978 at 11:18 PM on Sep. 2, 2009

  • "Should I be saying my daughters birthmother..." YES!!!!

    To use possessive pronouns with your child's birth mother makes her sound like your possesion, and I think it is demeaning and insulting. When I first read your post and saw "my birthmother," I thought you were the adoptee.

    As for the term, "first mom," it is most commonly used with some of the younger birth moms. Personally, I do not care for it, but, I do not like birthmother as one word either. However, I do not understand why adoptive moms find "first mom" objectionable. The way I see it, the adoptive moms have the children and that is a lot, so it seems like calling the other mother of her child whatever she likes is not asking too much. It is such a little thing, and I find it puzzling that some amoms seem to need to control even what terms are used for birth/natural moms.

    Why does "first mom" bother you?


    Answer by Southernroots at 12:16 AM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • I'm a birthmom. I'd never call myself "first mom"...I also don't say I gave my baby up for adoption - I chose for her to be adopted and *I* chose the adoptive family. I know I'm not referred to as "our birthmom" either - I know for a fact that I'm referred to as (her name)'s birthmom/birthmother. I'm introduced that way (yes it's an open adoption).

    Answer by 4time-mom at 12:18 AM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • I forgot to add....I used to use the term "first mom".....but not anymore. But I don't like birth mother either. Nor do I care for natural mom/mother (another term I once used in my earlier post surrender days). I just finally realized that I have no need for the added terms to the title of Mother. Most people I talk to about the adoption know what I am talking about when I make the Mother/Mom references. I also use the same terminology with my bio father and stepfather. If I refer to my father, I am speaking about my bio father. When I say Dad, I am talking about my step father.

    Answer by randi1978 at 12:46 AM on Sep. 3, 2009