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Would you give your husband a divorce without trying to fix your marriage if that is what he wants?

I have been with my husband for over 4 1/2 years married for a little over 2 years he left me almost 3 months ago and told me Sunday that he wants a divorce without even trying to fix our marriage. We have 4 kids all together 2 are his from his first marriage but we raise them. So our kids are all gonna get seperated with this. Should I just give in and give up on fixing our marriage and saving our family. I still am in love with him and he says he still loves and cares about me. Doesnt want to think about me with another man. And swears he has never cheated on me. So I just dont know what to do or think anymore. Im so confussed.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:53 AM on Sep. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Wow. I'm so sorry that this has happened to you and my heart goes out to you! I would ask him what the heck the problem is. Make sure to listen and then suggest some alternatives instead of just divorce.
    Katrina3016

    Answer by Katrina3016 at 10:58 AM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • He still loves you and doesnt want you with other men? Kind of sounds to me like he wants you but wants to be free as well. Tell him you'd like to work on the marriage. Compromise if you have to. Like, for two months you'll see a counselor or something. If he's still against it, you can't fight him for too long. But if it does come down to divorce, try to keep it as friendly as possible, for the kids sake. Not just you, but him too.
    MommyLee08

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 11:01 AM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • He doesn't want to work on it so what is the point. He is cheating he wants the divorce quickly before you find out who she is. I would hire a private investigator to follow him. When my first husband pulled this I wanted to believe he still loved me. I knew that wasn't true and hired an investigator to follow him. Not only did he have a girlfriend she was pregnant with their second child. They owned a home together and had hidden substantial assets from me. He lied about his income and said he made about half of what he did. I took his ass to the cleaners in court we live in Cali so I got half of everything. Still get half his check for alimony and child support now. The judge said if he could afford to support two families while married to me he could continue that now. lol Seriously get an investigator and good attorney. I would bet money he is cheating.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:02 AM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • Seems to me that he is just been polite and playing the part. A person that loves you doesn't desert you for no reason. A person who is interested in building a life with you, doesn't just take off for no apparent reason, so he is just saying what he is suppose to say in this cases making it harder for you to move on.

    He doesn't care about the kids because he already left you guys. I am sorry to be harsh but either he doesn't love you guys enough to work things out or you aren't telling us the whole story. Either way you can't force somebody to stay with you if they don't want to, he is gone, he deserted you why are you going to denigrate you and the kids any further? Working out what? There is nothing there, he woke up one day and took off, came back 3 months later asking for a divorce. Weird to me if you ask me but based in th einfo you provided he gave up on his family.

    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 11:05 AM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • YEP - here ya go - sign and I'm gone. Of course this is in retrospect - I spent 10 additional years in a marriage that wasn't working - and I knew he didn't want to "fix" it - I just kept ignoring that and continued to "hope" - I was wrong and I wasted a lot of time. You're gonna hurt, and he may regret it later - but you have to lay in the bed you make, so to speak. Sounds like he's (no offense) an idiot to give up without trying - but only God knows why a person would do something soooo terribly irrational. I'm so sorry for how much you hurt, I know every woman who's ever been through something like this NEVER wants to see another woman in love have to go through it.
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 11:21 AM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • the first thing I would do, is find out why he truly wants a divorce...if yall were having problems, (arguing, fighting, cant get along) that can be fixed....but if it was more serious than that, I would give him what he wants..he obviously has some issues. it is absolutely up to you. If you dont see it worth the fight, then by all means do what you feel you need to do. I would encourage you to be wise and not make hasty decisions out of anger and pain..give it time, and you will know what to do. good luck
    kiyad22

    Answer by kiyad22 at 11:27 AM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • He has to get a dissolution of marriage on irreconcilable differences. If he doesn't try to reconcile (fix) then he can't get it. So I'd suggest to him to tell you what the problem is and try to fix it or he's wasting a lot of money trying to get something he won't unless he tries to fix things.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:28 AM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • Yea if he loved you he would work things out without a question.. I would bet with all my money that he's cheating! I'm sorry your going through this nightmare.
    MarGeee

    Answer by MarGeee at 12:19 PM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • If that's what he wants, there's not a whole lot you can do to stop it. Most states offer no fault divorces now, so he can get a divorce whether you agree to it or not.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 12:27 PM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • ughhhhh,Im going thru the same thing right now,we both have 2 kids.And guess what he was cheating and still is with the woman.I was devestated im trying now to pick up the pieces.Im soooooo sorry your going thru this.Mine didnt want to try either,they get blinded with new pussy.Mommas be strong for your kids,and as each day passes i promise it will get better.Kneel down and pray for strength,God will provide that and much more.Maybe God has allowed this to happen to us both because later in the future we will have what we both deserve,a good man,that wont cheat.good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 PM on Sep. 3, 2009

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