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my SO and i argue about sex....it causes problems. HELP!!!!!

okay, he asks for sex EVERY SINGLE DAY! im not saying i dont have to have sex with him, i do, but it doesnt make it special when he just says, "hey wanna do it later?" or "are we going to f*ck tonight?" it makes it feel like its just no big deal and not that special. which makes me not want to do it. i would like it to happen naturally and build it up and then have sex, not set a date and time to make love with someone i love. i have told him this and he says "well its because i know we wont do it." ill admit, we dont have sex THAT often because i do not feel like it is special to him. but i would like it to happen naturally, and if he didnt LITERALLY ask to "f*ck" every day and make a time for it, id feel more motivated to do it. it feels like a task. how can i get through to him? it causes arguments and problems. :(

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:34 AM on Sep. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Sex = love to men. He thinks you rock. He wants to show you love. It's special to him every time he's with you.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:40 AM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • communication is the key, tell him how you feel, let him know that the routine of asking for it in that manner, makes you not want to do it. if he loves you he will listen even if he acts like he's not. dont fuss at him or even raise ur voice...be very gentle and dignified about it. entice him while your telling him, whateva turns him on, whether its the way you kiss him, rub his chest, whateva. then tell him ur gonna show him what you want...on the wknd or a night u both are home U plan the night.. make it sexy, rose pedals, music...whateva turns U on, have him come in, and tell him that you want him to take his time and make love to you..it might be so good that U want it everynight, lol...good luck
    kiyad22

    Answer by kiyad22 at 11:45 AM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • let him you would want to f*ck him if he made you wanted & desirable!! tell him every woman wants to feel this way, or atleast try different things!!! if he just wants to do it everydays it gets boring and it does feel like a job... tell him not to be asking you? he can start with a foot rub, or giving you a full body massage first...
    mellyhayes

    Answer by mellyhayes at 11:47 AM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • I am so glad I am not the only one in this situation!! My husband is the same way. He doesnt get it. When I'm in the mood and I am about to get something started, it's like he picks up on it and goes "We gonna do it later?" Totally ruins my mood! Ugh. Drives me nuts. We havent figured out a solution, so I cant be much help, but you're not alone. Good Luck!
    MommyLee08

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 12:15 PM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • Maybe you can have a signal with him - certain things that one of you says when you want to have sex, that's not crude. For my dh and I, we say "Want to study later?" - because we met in school and used to fool around during our "study dates" It's something we can say when the kids are awake or around, but lets the other one know that we want to have sex tonight. If we don't say it, but I start rubbing my dh's back, he will ask me "are we going to study?" and I can tell him yes or no - so he knows whether to let himself get carried away or just relax and enjoy.
    We have sex almost every night anyway, but especially late in pregnancy or right after the baby was born and we weren't, it was helpful to us (mainly him) to know how the other was feeling.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 12:20 PM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • You're definitely not alone. Mine thinks I'm odd when I don't want to jump into bed with him when he refers to that crudely. Or has been a jackass all day. I've never understood why they think it's not insulting to say "wanna f*ck?" or "lets's go screw." Gross.

    My only suggestion is to tell him how you feel. Maybe once he is a little more sensitive and starts getting more of what he wants, it'll sink in. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:43 PM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • My husband and I have been arguing about that lately. For example last night he came home from work and criticized the house (which was immaculate). He complained I did not make what he wanted for dinner and then acted put out he had to play with the kids while I cleaned up dinner. He was in a bad mood and snapped at me all night. After the kids went to bed he said "so you wanna fool around?" I told him no way not after the way he treated me all night. I told him that is not how you get into my pants my dear. He apologized then whined which is even less attractive. He went to bed and locked the door so I had to sleep in the guest room. This morning he gave me a dirty look and then left for work. He texted me a little while ago and said he would be nice if I would have sex with him. I said why don't you try being nice because it is the right thing and maybe sex will happen. He can be a real douche.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • i feel you. i have the same problem. i try to tell him not to attack me the way he does asking for it like all the time or grabbing a boob now and then. i have to compromise. i give him quickies. although it's still too much sex for me. we just had sex last night and now he has to go on site near our home and he wants to jump my bones.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 2:47 PM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • Be happy! My husband does not want to have sex with me. I would fall over if he said 'you wanna fool around'.
    Honestly, I do understand what you are saying & most of it is communication. Anything done 'too much' gets old after awhile. Once in awhile it would be nice if he would at least whisper it in your ear softly with a flower in one hand as the other hand grabs your waist & then he sweeps you off your feet.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:38 PM on Sep. 3, 2009

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