Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What is Coercion?

It seems that some coercion tactics definitely lie in matter of opinion. So what's your opinion? Regarding coercion of a PBMom, what are some examples of what you believe would qualify as coercion...could be given by agency, lawyer, friends, family, boyfriend, etc?

 
AllAboutKeeley

Asked by AllAboutKeeley at 2:47 PM on Sep. 3, 2009 in Adoption

Level 33 (59,874 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (41)
  • Coercion means using various methods to force a person to do something that they would not ordinarily do. Most women would not ordinarily give their babies to strangers to raise, and therefore, it takes often lots of "persuasion" to convince them to do so. Telling an expectant mom once that adoption is a wonderful thing that she should do is not coercion.

    Coercion is: telling her over and over that if she does not "choose" adoption she is being selfish or must not love her baby, contacting her constantly and giving her adoption "counseling". It is refusing to accept "no" for an answer. When a mother tries to change her mind, and is told that she cannot, THAT is coercive. Coercion is a steady effort to convince a woman to do something that she does not want to do; an act that probably goes against every instinct she has.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 4:14 PM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • I think some identify others giving an opinion of surrender as coercion to that end. I think that a young, unwed women could be very insecure and moved by the opinions of older and wiser folks, but that can hardly be called coercion IMO. I also think that some see it coercion when one tries to magnify the positive and lift grieving or confused bmoms up with their words that might not come out quite right. Again, I hardly call that coercion. To me, it would be intentionally lying and making false promises of financial gain or empty promises about openness and the like.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:02 PM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • Very well said Southernroots.
    drfink

    Answer by drfink at 5:01 PM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • AAK, I think you already KNOW my definition of coercion. However it truly is what Southerroots defined, to be exact. It can also be what EACH individual has experienced for themselves, and what feelings they were indeed left with. In my case, it was the terror of what i felt when I was told, that the hospital would be called ASAP, and the twins would immediately be placed into Foster-care, and in NO way would the hospital ALLOW me to take my sons, until I paid the hospital bill in FULL! Hell, I didn't even know what that bill would be, and to be truthful, did not care, especially when she threw in (just for kicks), if a Judge court ordered that removal, he very well COULD decide to take my 6 yr.old also. I do not remember the rest of that conversation, I heard NO more, I went and signed. How you and others define this, I do not know, I do know it threw me into a panic and I signed the next day, Blessings, C.J.
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 9:09 PM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • CJ: so they told you this. And when you signed all of the extensive paperwork that said that you had the right to change your mind and that you had a waiting period and that there was a court hearing, etc etc, it never dawned on you to check anything out.

    IF you already had a 6 yr old at this point, I have to believe that you were old enough to understand the basics of reading and writing and I assume you speak english. You never challenged anything? Did you live in a cave and there wasnt one other person who maybe you could ask. Did you know you were pg for all 9 months and gave this more than 2 secs of thought? .

    Yes, you would have to pay a hosptial bill. but unless the foster care system is already in your life, how could you think they would take your other child.

    If what you are saying it true, you would have been able to sue 10xs over my now. How come you havent.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:14 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • I went sky diving this summer. I wanted to sky dive, my friends were sky diving. I saw the advertisement for skydiving and it had a pretty girl and guy on it and looked like fun. I signed a lot of paperwork telling me that if I got hurt skydiving, no one was responsible but me. I had the option when on the plane to change my mind several time. Others do change their minds. The last thing the instructor who was strapped to me said was "are you sure you want to do it" and I said yes.

    Had I been killed, would my parents been able to blame anyone but me ultimately for the decision.

    Skydiving was a one page waiver and a 30 minute "waiting period". Adoption is 9 months gestation, about a 20 page document and in some cases a 30 day waiting period At what point do you take responsibility for your own actions.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:21 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • (continued) and I would add that there is nothing "natural" about jumping out of a plane, You fight every primitive urge not to do so.

    I am not trying to ma
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:23 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • ANON 6:14, If YOU were someone I truly had genunine respect for, I would dignify you with an answer. However, when it comes to living MY journey, and discussing it, will only be discussed with people whom truly wish to know and may have some kind of an impact, to be able to help someone else out in the future. HOWEVER, you are NOT one of those people. My journey IS indeed what I briefly let others know about, and much much more. My twins are far too important to explain away to someone whom cowers behind a vail of anonimity. Someone whom hides, to be able to feel brave enough to be an ass, is not worth my time. I spend alot of my days cleaning cow manure off my boots( I live on a farm), so I do not wish to clean any extra manure....Do not even think for 1 sec, I will give you what it is you seek...you will have to cont. being an ass on all your own. Now come on give us ALL some more...PLEASE:) c.j.
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 7:24 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • CJ: Wow... conveniently you have nothing to say when you have no answer. Still no accountability,.

    I love how the anon button always comes up when there is no answer or no defense.

    Enjoy the manure.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:42 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Very Well Said Southern Roots
    Very well expressed, CJ - especially in recognizing who really is sincere in their anon replies and who is not.

    Those involved in using coersive tactics are professional con-artis, period.

    I believe there is another side of coersion... Just a SoutherRoots said, what IS siad to you
    but there is also what is NOT said, in order to persuade a person's way of thinking. To withhold information that would allow the person to make a fully informed choice.
    That could be withholding truth about adoptions not being legally binding and closing, or availability of services to help parent, or affects of adoption on mother and possible risks to child...etc.
    Sometimes it's outright lies like CJ described, other times it's extremely subtle,

    JoesGirl

    Answer by JoesGirl at 8:43 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN