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We're trying to decide if we should start fostering within a years time. help?

We live in Oregon if that makes a difference.
I know as much as going to the county offices to start.
Can you give me any advice, things to look into, not to do, to do....
One of the main things we are worried about is the fact that more than likely the child will eventually leave our care in one way or another for one reason or another. My SO is worried about how attached we would get and how it c(w)ould break our hearts. My mother is worried about that also, but she also points out the opposite of that and if we were placed with a child we couldn't handle or something like that.
We are late 20's. We don't have any living children, just an angel baby. Our hearts broke with our loss. SO is afraid that would happen to us if we were attached to someone we fostered. I thought maybe we could possibly foster young that led to adoption.
Any words of wisdom, advice, qualifications, anything would be greatly appreciated.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:36 PM on Sep. 3, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (5)
  • When I was with my husband years ago, we wanted to do this as well. But couldn't because he had a record, from when he was in his early 20's, DUI's. Anyway, I have several friends/family members who foster kids. From what I hear and what they say, you do and will get attached to the kids, you have a heart, theres just no way around it. But you let them move on and open your hearts and doors to other kids who need you. An old couple that I know foster n ew borns and infants that were born addicted to drugs and alcohol, they said its easier to foster them at that age rather than the older kids. I wish I could give you useful advice. Good for you for what you are going to be doing!

    Answer by JustPlainOlMOM at 9:02 PM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • i have issues with infertility. adopting, IVF and all that costs so much out right. we were hoping that we could just foster a baby that led to adoption but from what i understand that is very complicated and seems to be very rare.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:07 PM on Sep. 3, 2009

  • It's rare, but possible, if you believe that you are being led in this direction. We are in process of adopting a 29 m/o that we've had since he was 6 months old. He is our 2nd placement. We were very sad at losing the first, but it was not meant to be, and she went to family that fought tooth and nail for her, so it was easier to be happy that she was going to a better situation, and that we loved her with all our hearts while she was with us. We've had other placements in between that were short-term as well, then decided to concentrate on this one, and if he left, we would start over. 2 years ago, I never dreamed he would still be here with us, but God had a plan. We love him with all our hearts and he makes the last 3-1/2 years of waiting all worth it. You just have to go in eyes wide open, and know that you are improving a child's life, even if only for a short while.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 1:11 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Also, know your limits. It's easy to get caught up in emotions and gain a "save them all" mentality. We all probably did at one time, (how can you turn anybody down?) but don't take on too much too soon. We had to learn how much we could handle and still remain sane. Learn to say NO early. Your family is most important. If you take on too much, it can break a marriage. We know many foster couples who divorced. Our state licensed us for 6 children because of the size of our house (based on sq ft) and were pushing us to "fill our home." When children have to be taken to visitation, counseling, doctor's offices, etc. it's a LOT of running around. There's a lot of excitement and stress in the beginning, so go slow and develop a routine with the first, then add as/if you are comfortable with. New foster parents get overwhelmed easily, so you need a good support system. Someone to give you a break. Good luck to you!

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 1:22 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • OP, My former sister-in-law fostered for 15 yrs., after which she ended up with 1 boy and 1 girl, so her family was completed, so she no longer fostered. She lost many babies, and toddlers, and I watched her go through so so much heart ache. She was one of the best Mommies I have ever known. I asked her how she was able to continue taking in children and falling in love with them, only to have to let them go back? She explained, every child needs a safe warm bed, lots of hugs, and someone to love them, even if for only a little while. I have such a profound respect for women and men whom can do this, my heart could not handle it, I am too weak. Adoption is for a child whom NEEDS someone to love them...even if for only a little while! YOU and your groom, may just be their answer, Blessings, C.J.

    Answer by ceejay1 at 7:45 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

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