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Need advice im 8wks preg with my 5th

I have had four children three daughters and a son.I lost my son to cot death when he was ten week old something il never come to terms with. I then had a baby girl a week after his first birthday. I stuggled so much with her and had bad depression but not post natal depression.Ive found out iam expecting again and feel i cant go through all that again has anyone been in the same situation? Iam thinking of aborting as i dont wanna bring a child into the world that iam going to struggle to bring up or even bond with.


Asked by Dee145 at 7:17 AM on Sep. 4, 2009 in Pregnancy

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Answers (6)
  • I'm so sorry for your loss hun! My heart breaks for you and your family. Please talk to your doctor and family. Let them be a shoulder to lean on. It's tough to lose a child... But you are stronger than you think, your an amazing woman and can make life happen! This child your carrying now, is a blessing... It's a gift to you and ur family! I know losing a child, you can't ever replace that child, but you learn to cope with the pain as the days go on, and you cherish the moments you did have with that sweet angel. I hope you can find the strength and support you need in whatever decision you do make. Much Love hun *hugs*

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:53 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Oh Sweetie. I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how you must be feeling, no mother should ever have to go through that. But please don't abort that baby. Hell, I'll take that precious baby, my husband and I can't have a child - I'm sure almost any one of us who could afford to raise it would take it - but you don't seem like the kind of person that could actually abort. Fear is the worst emotion because it causes so many other emotions to flood you, worry, anxiety, confusion, and even heavy grief for the unknown. I'm certain it's normal for the circumstances you've gone through. Hang on Darling, there is light, love and peace in the eyes of that new baby. God didn't choose you to be it's mother by accident.

    Answer by PaceMyself at 7:35 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • I am so sorry for your loss and struggle! I pray you will find some peace of mind! I am also going to ask you not abort that baby. There are hundreds of ladies who would love the opportunity to have a baby and cannot. Please consider adoption! I think you would love to know that you did everything possible to give this child the best possible life. You are stronger than you think! Good luck and may you have peace!

    Answer by Rebecca727 at 8:34 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • You are under no obligation to have the baby just because someone else can't or wants one. Yes, harsh. But you don't need that added burden about other people.

    Only YOU can decide how much you can take. However, have you considered counseling? You are blaming yourself for something that was not your fault. You need to get your depression under control, and find ways to cope. Just becase something happened to your son doesn't mean it will happen again. There are things you can do to give you peace of mind to focus on yourself and your baby if you choose to keep it. For example, a cosleeper so that the baby is always near you at night -- the benefits are endless. Breastfeeding. Involving your other children. And making sure you have a support system to rely on.

    It's not hopeless. You just need to talk to a couselor, get out your feelings, deal with them, and form a plan.

    Answer by amileegirl at 8:51 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • I understand and can feel your pain.

    God has given you a beautiful gift and if you feel like you will never be able to bond with the baby and really feel like you can not raise it why not give that gift to someone who can? I am not bashing you by any means. I do realize it is your body to do with what you want to do... I just don't see how terminating your pregnancy is going to make your emotionally unstable situation better.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:09 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Thank you for all your replys. I just wanted to add i do not believe in god after everything ive been through.Ive seen more counsellers then i can count since i lost my son and been on all the tablets. Adoption wouldnt be an option due to my older two children they wouldnt understand why and wud mess them up. Iam off to talk to a docter on monday.
    Iam so scared a i could lose this child and have to bury another and iam going to struggle even more then i did before and more so if its a boy.
    If a docter was able to say 100per cent your child will be with you forever id be more clear on things.
    I also dont want to bring a child into the world that grows up thinking i dont love them

    Answer by Dee145 at 1:01 PM on Sep. 4, 2009