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Do we as their wives have the right?

I posted yesterday about really wanting into my husband's myspace acct because I had his old password and he changed it, and come to find out he talked to an ex that he cheated with. I can't guess the password but I want to just come out and ask him. I'm really scared to though, I'm afraid he's going to say no and get mad. But as the mother of his children and his WIFE, shouldn't I be allowed such information? I'd have no problem giving him any of my passwords, but he doesn't even need them because unlike him I've never given him reasons to doubt. Should I just be upfront and ask him what his new password is? After all, if his conversations with her were innocent then he should have nothing to hide, right? Plus, he has never deleted a single email and that's how I found out he cheated before, so if he deletes any of them now it's another red flag. :(

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:01 AM on Sep. 4, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I answered you question yesterday. Yes, you SHOULD be allowed to have immediate and unrestricted access to those kinds of things. Any person who has nothing to hide would never have a problem sharing this sort of thing with their spouse. My husband and I have full access to any and everything that pertains to the other. He can read my emails, my text messages, call logs, even read my CM questions and answers. He IS the other half of me and I of him. If I were in this situation I would straight up ask him for it- if he deflects, gets defensive, protective or deletes his account - to me, that would be a sure sign that my gut instinct is right- and I would confront him - if he gets mad about having to prove his innocence - well, that's just what he gets for having cheated before and he should be grown and mature enough to understand that HE put you two in this position and this is just part of his retribution.
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 8:18 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • IF YOU ASK HIM FOR THE PASWORD AND HE HAS SOMETHING TO HIDE HE WILL DELETE WHAT HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO SEE. MAYBE YOU CAN GET TO HIS ACCOUNT THROUGH MUTUAL FRIEND THAT WILL BE WILLING TO COOPERATE, OR GET ONE ACCT YOURSELF AND ADD HIM AS A FRIEND SO YOU CAN MONITOR.
    older

    Answer by older at 8:07 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Wow. Do you want to be married to someone that you feel like you have to check up behind? If you had his old password, and he changed it then he probably doesn't want you to have the new one - what other reason would he have had for changing it? I would say no, you don't have the "right" to his passwords. I have my husbands, because he doesn't hide them and I've seen him type them in, but I don't go checking up behind him and looking on his myspace/email accounts either. I did do that when we were dating, but stopped when we got serious.
    You can ask him, but I don't see him telling you. I see it leading to a big fight.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 8:15 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Oh yeah! We have the right to know. Just ask him if he says no. Ask him if he is cheating on you. Then ask him why would he hide his password from you.


    You could do all of the above but if you really think that he is a "good" husband and father why bother?

    Sometimes we woman want to know everything. Maybe you should open a new account and don't tell your husband anything let him see how it feels when someone keeps information from him.

    Good Luck and remember we the wifes are the ones who have to act as the "adult" and the relationship. Men never grow up !!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:17 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • I would never ask DH for that information. We're married but we don't need to know every little thing about each other. He knows if he really wanted to know anything I'd tell him and vice versa but he really doesn't feel the need and neither do I.
    RhondaVeggie

    Answer by RhondaVeggie at 8:31 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • I agree with RhondaVeggie. My SO and I do not have that information. Are we keeping it from each other? No. We just don't need it. That's because there has been trust fully established and it hasn't been broken. Umm.....If I did need that information and was worried all the time what he was doing, what kind of life is that? That would be too much trouble than its worth.

    Maybe he's not doing anything. But if he's cheated on you once already, I can see where there would be no trust. Is it really worth it to stay together if you will always have this fear in the back of your mind? If it were me, I'd say no and leave. And I've been there before. Trust me, its a million times better not having to worrry.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:44 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Yes, you do have the right to his passwords/information especially since he's cheated on you. If he were completely trustworthy to you then you wouldn't even need it, but since he has given you reasons to distrust him-he should be openly willing to give you his new password. If he's not, it would definitely spark my curiosity.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 9:00 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Sure, ask him.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:27 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • I don't have access and don't want access. Unlike your pig of a husband mine has not cheated or given me a reason to doubt him. He rarely visits Facebook or gets email. He is a family man and spends his time with us not on the computer. I don't give him my passwords to anything either. He trusts me as well. Without trust you don't have a marriage and should just give up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:28 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • I can't tell you how many times my husband has said he's gotten into my account, and read my im's to my friends when I was frustrated with him. He doesn't trust me at all, but i've not cheated on him...he just doesn't like people thinking he is a jerk. (F/T anyway)
    TeenerBeener75

    Answer by TeenerBeener75 at 11:08 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

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