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Do i ask too much of her?

I have a set of rules for my kids...they are 11 and 6. Every day they have a chore, wich does change once in a while...my youngest mostly just picks up after herself and straightens up the livingroom..recently she learned to vaccuum. They both clean thier rooms, but since they share a room they take turns cleaning it. now my oldest has more responsibilities because she is older...her main chore is the dishes...but i switch with her once in a while so she can do other chores so she doesnt get sick of the dishes...like she will take out the trash, sweep and mop the kitchen and hallway...and she always does her own laundry...i also like her to cook at least once a week (even though i dont enforce that one too much). My mother recently took her for a few days overnight...now anyone that knows my mother its kinda unusual for her to OFFER....so i asked and she says i make my oldest do way too much and am demanding...cont.

 
blueeyedgrl2377

Asked by blueeyedgrl2377 at 8:58 AM on Sep. 4, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 7 (160 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • I expect more then that from my 9yo. She has to keep her stuff picked up, her side of the kids' room clean, empty the dishwasher twice a week (there are 4 kids and they take turns except for the youngest who just helps everyone every day), make her bed, do her own laundry once a week, keep her stuff picked up in other rooms, sweeps the floors when asked, cleans off the tables when asked, makes her own breakfast and lunch (when not in school) and helps with her younger siblings. She also helps carry groceries in and helps take the trash out. I expect just as much from my almost 8yo son and my almost 7yo daughter (minus doing her own laundry, she does fold and put it away, though).
    We have the issue with the bedroom, too. With 3 kids in it they fight all the time on who is going to clean what. It gets annoying. Usually I have to stand in the room to watch them clean or they won't do it.
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 1:01 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • my daughter grow up too quickly...i dont view it that way...i ask my daughter to do this stuff BECAUSE she is very mature already for her age...and i know she can do it...also i have alot of problems medically and its nice having the extra help...now is my mother right? should I not expect so much of my daughter? I mean im not tying up ALL of her freetime...we consider saturday in our house our chore free day and they dont have to do anything...and during the week i give them both simple chores so they dont feel exsaughsted...im just baffled my mother feels that way....
    blueeyedgrl2377

    Answer by blueeyedgrl2377 at 9:00 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • I have six kids and my oldest is 11.The three oldest all have to help around the house,but my 11 year old does dishes and she also cooks sometimes.I don't think your asking to much of her.Kids need to learn how to take care of themselves when they grow up and have a family of there own.I was not made to do anything for myself or around the house growing up so when I got married and had a family of my own I had to train myself.She will thank you for it later.
    MommyLove23

    Answer by MommyLove23 at 9:07 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • i think ur asking a little too much. she is 11 and still a child. treat her like a child.. shes not even a teen and honestly ur treating her like a 16yr old. When it comes to cooking. I do agree with u letting her cook bc she does need to know how to. CHores are also fine just not as much as ur asking. let her be a kid yes u need help but again shes 11!... its not up to ur mother to tell u how to raise ur kids. ur not harming her in anyway ur just tryin to do ur best and raise her the way u think is right. Dont listen to ur mom listen to ur daughter ask her what she thinks about doin so much. Just bc shes mature doesnt mean treat her like shes older..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:17 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • anon:17....you contradicted yourself at least twice in that tirade. {rolls eyes)

    She is 11, she is old enough to keep her room clean and do the dishes. I think you are doing a fine job, don't worry about what you mother thinks.
    Nathskitten

    Answer by Nathskitten at 9:47 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • I think you ask way to much of her. I'm working with a family counselor that suggested I make a chore list for my kids now. I've never had them do chores except when I thought of it. She suggested they do the chores(my kids are wipping dishes, picking up their rooms, keeping their BR clean) you want them to work on daily(during the summer) and ONE weekly chore that they do during one week(my kids bring their laundry to the laundry room at the end of the week)Sat and Sun are chore free days.. I would have the girls pick up THEIR OWN Stuff in their room don't have one clean up the other's mess. Parents should pick up their own mess and where is your husband in all of this?
    fireangel0310

    Answer by fireangel0310 at 9:54 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • My son is 8, he cleans his room and makes his bed daily. He also either wipes the end tables in the living room or vacuums the living room area rug depending on the day. Then twice a week he cleans the toilet as well because he likes to dance while urinating and it gets everywhere. He can manage to get everything done one his heavier load days within 30 minutes. He doesn't ever complain and he will still offer to help with other things if need be. He doesn't cook alone yet, but he does help out in the kitchen. Like he will help me stir or measure ingredients. He will make salads or frost cakes, things like that. So I suppose if you are too hard on your 11 year old, I am way too hard on my 8 year old.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 10:07 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • My daughter 12- has to load the dishwasher and clean off the kitchen counter on a daily basis. Her weekly task is her room. (unless it becomes unbearable). One of my 8 yr olds has to unload the dishwasher and his twin has to clean either their bathroom or their room whichever needs it more. Kids need to learn responsibility. I never change who does what because all it does is cause arguments.
    busymom1107

    Answer by busymom1107 at 11:28 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • i tried to do what you suggested about their bedroom fireangel...but EVERY single time i tell them both to clean they will BOTH argue on who did what...and nothing gets done...LOL
    blueeyedgrl2377

    Answer by blueeyedgrl2377 at 12:21 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Blue, just tell them to pick up their stuff, stuff like clothes, comforters or whatever. THEN go up with them and have them pick up in front of you. I guess it helps having their own room. They have to pick up there stuff in the LR. Take care of their dishes after meals, wipe dishes, I gradually increase the number they have to do. right now they are at 15. I vacuum, do the dishes and do laundry. Mostly because I am anal about those things. I don't feel my children should pick up me and my fiance's mess.
    fireangel0310

    Answer by fireangel0310 at 1:27 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

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