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My friend is cheating on her live in boyfriend, I need advice...

My best friend has been in a relationship with the same guy for 4 years now. It hasn't been good for about 2 years. They were engaged but when it became obvious that they weren't ever going to get married she stopped wearing the ring, but continues to live w/him. She keeps saying she cant find a place, shes broke, she has a dog and its difficult to find a place to rent with a big dog, etc. I've listened intentively as she has rambled on about the relationship & what's wrong with it & I've done everything I can think of to help her find a place. I don't have money to give her, or a spare room for her to stay in, so my help is limited. About a month ago she started having a affair with her live in bf's best friend. Now she is inviting me to get togethers where both guys will be attending & I just don't feel like I can go without saying something, does this make me a bad friend to not want to be around? I need advice...


Asked by Anonymous at 9:03 AM on Sep. 4, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Girl, you are a good friend, I guess just be there when it all falls apart, she is in LUST and it is new and exciting, I am 42 and I can see how it would be exciting to have someone telling you everything you need to hear!! Just stay away from it!

    Answer by kimigogo at 5:03 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • it doesnt make you a bad friend at all...and i would be uncomfortable too! you need to explain to your friend that you dont feel comfortable...since she is a friend she SHOULD understand! Unfortunately there isnt much you can do about her cheating on her boyfriend but just tell her how you feel...what she is doing is wrong...the boyfriend at least deserves to know she isnt interested in him anymore...and unfortunately his friend isnt a very good friend for doing this to him

    Answer by blueeyedgrl2377 at 9:14 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • I wonder why she chose her boyfriend's best friend to cheat with? I know from experience this will end bad! You didn't mention if they had children together or not, if they do that changes my answer, but if not I would not go around when the 3 of the are together, I also would tell her it makes you uncomfortable to listen to anymore talk about the affair. This is her business to sort out, and I wouldn't interfere, unless they have kiddos together. You didn't say how old she is but alot of young women mov e from one "prince charming" to the next, she is the only person who can rescue herself, but I would just distance myself a bit. Good luck!

    Answer by kimigogo at 9:14 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • If she's not married to the guy then imo it's not cheating. Sorry, I know that others disagree with that but it's just how I feel. She's single and can see whoever she wants. Tell her to be fair to bf and tell him what's up. That way you can go wherever you want without feeling bad about it, bf would know the truth and he could even work it out with her or she can go off with bf's best friend.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:25 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Distance yourself. Her actions are her responsibility. It is not necessary for you to worry about this. If you aren't comfortable with her behaviors then step back. You don't need to "step into" her mess or fix it at all. I highly recommend that you don't.


    Answer by Teachermom01 at 9:26 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • She's 41, and she has children from her previous marriage but the two of them have no children. Her bf knows she isn't happy, he knows she looks for a place from time to time, he has said he would miss her if she leaves but he hasn't done anything to "fix" the relationship. This affiar is so uncharactaristic of her because her marriage fell apart because her husband cheated, so I know she isn't thinking straight because this is so uncharactaristic of her to resort to this. I just really have no respect what-so-ever for this guy she's fooling around with because he has put her in the situation... and the stuff he says to her just drives me insane, he is so messing with her head.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:28 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Sounds like the bf "best friend" saw a woman unhappy in her relationship and knew he found an easy target, someone who would be easy to get into bed. You need to try to talk to her and open her eyes, if that doesn't work then distance yourself and tell her you can't condone her actions and wont stand around watching her think only of herself when she has children, kids can tell when something isn't right and most times know when a parent is cheating, you might let her know that, she isn't setting a good example for her kids and is only hurting herself in the long run. Don't go to get togethers with either of the men there and just try to stay out of the middle of things.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:03 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Do her kids live with her?? I don't know about you, but I don't even have time to go to the bathroom, let alone have 2 guys on the string! I would ask her to come over and have a serious discussion about what she is doing! At 41 she needs to pull it together, and by the way SHE is just as guilty as the creepy best friend, I would not tell her boyfriend, he probably already knows about it anyway----stay far away from this if you want to keep her as a friend!

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:17 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Can she stay with the other guy? Just a thought. Try and introduce her to someone you really think she would like. Maybe they'll hit it off, then she can move.

    Answer by busymom1107 at 11:21 AM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • She's a drama whore and I couldn't go out with them, what if she's interested in you that way? Why else would she be telling you all this? I'd steer clear of her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:22 AM on Sep. 4, 2009