My dh and I have had a long issue where he wants more and enthusiastic sex. For most of our 9 years together, on and off this has been a problem. But we both work and he NEVER, i mean zero, helps with the 2 kids, and he never takes me out on dates or does anything with me. So I have not been to inspired to stick to a sex life with him. I am overworked, tired, fried, lonely, and ignored. When he gets really upset about it, I try to get interested, but he never does anything else or changes so it fades back away again. Basically he's just ignored me on a personal level and household and family level for 9 years. Now he says he's getting tired of asking for a normal sex life and that it's all damaged beyond repair. Do you think that his feelings can be repaired, or not? He has started doing more chores and watching the kids this week, but we are both very angry. I think I can get over it, but can he?Answer Question
Asked by Anonymous at 12:37 PM on Sep. 4, 2009 in Relationships
DH and I were going through something similar and neither one of us was happy with how our marriage was going. We felt stale and were ignoring each other's needs. We read the Five Love Languages and it really helped us understand where we were miscommunicating. Essentially, we all have ways that we express our love for others. Like I like to do nice things for my DH (chores that he normally takes care of so that he can relax), and he likes physical touch (face it, after taking care of kids all day and night you just don't want to even be looked at). Problem is, by neglecting each other's needs we damage our relationship. Nothing that can't be repaired and actually make things better. You just have to have open and honest communication with each other. (BTW, we have been married 9 years also and have been together for 13 years).
Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 PM on Sep. 4, 2009
Answer by Anonymous at 12:52 PM on Sep. 4, 2009
Answer by admckenzie at 12:57 PM on Sep. 4, 2009
Oh, we are still working on it for sure. I am a quality time person as well, which is why I do things to make it possible for him to spend time with the kids and I (alone and together). He is way more romantic than I am so he shows love by romantic gestures and likes to receive the same as he gives. I have just never really been a romantic person (funny, you would think that it would be opposite). After a long day with kids I would sort of go into my own world, like sensory deprivation (nobody touching me, nobody yelling or talking at me). When our problems came to a head I had to really look at what I was doing. I didn't really think of a marriage as something that you have to nurture, but it is. Things are getting better, but changing some of your habits is really hard to do.
Answer by Anonymous at 12:59 PM on Sep. 4, 2009
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