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How can I get past an affair?

This could be long & I'm sorry in advance. I'm with a fantastic man. He was my first kiss is 7th grade, we dated on and off in school until I moved away at 16. We didn't see each other for 10 years, ran into each other and fell into the kind of love that niether of us thought existed. But when we got together over 2 yrs ago we both had some crazy stuff going on, honestly a bad time to start a relationship for both of us but there was no stopping it. Well two months into it he cheated, it ripped my heart out and really it ripped his heart out as well, he still to this day says he doesn't know why he did it. Well evr since we have had serious trust issues. He has proven himself time and again that it was a one time mistake, that it's not who he is. Part of me though just can't get past it. Most days it doesn't even enter my mind, things are great for us and he treats me like gold, but sometimes something pops into my head...CONT


Asked by shawneewaiting at 1:08 PM on Sep. 4, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • Here is the situation as I see it... you still feel a little victimized over his cheating. You know you feel you shouldn't feel this way, and you've said he's proven it to you. You need to forgive him, and let it go. Not for him, but for yourself. If you continue to hold onto this resentment, it will eat you up inside, and ruin anything you guys have. A counselor can help you threw this. You don't have to always pay for help. There are group meetings for issues like these, along with local church leaders. Now I do not know your religion, but I'm not a Christian, but know these men (and sometimes women) are there for you. And it doesn't have to be spiritually.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 2:16 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • CONT; & brings it all back, the hurt, saddness, anger, fear, & even hatred. Just recently I found out the girl he cheated with is pregnant & due 4 days before I am. the thought that she could actualy be in labor at the same time as me, even be in the same recovery room, I was furious at him all over again. It still just hurts so much. I worry that he will do it again even though I have no reason to think so. I really feel logically that he won't do it & Iknow worrying won't help, but I can't change how I feel emotionally. I'm tired of hurting& after 2 1/2 years I wonder sometimes if I can ever get past it. We can't afford counsiling, I wish we could So do you guys have any advice for a women in serious emotional turmoil/pain. I just we wish could rewind & take it all back. Things would be so much different. We love each other so much, we have the kind of relationship that makes people jealous other than this 1 damn thing. HELP

    Answer by shawneewaiting at 1:17 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • My husband has cheated. I am way longer married than you with three kids. You are starting out in marriage still. You need counselling for yourself and to help you with support with the baby you're having. Get counselling to get this guy in his place. I wish someone had told me that. I was swept away with his lies and deceit.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:35 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • I'm second answer. How can he be fantastic if he got two women pregnant at the same time? That's not fantastic while you thought he was with you?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Is this baby your DH? Because i thought you said that he cheated on you around 2 years ago. I think that with you both being in it 2 months that you need to let it go. My DH slept with someone about 6-7 weeks into our relationship. he tells me that he didn't think we were going to be anything serious. Things just turned out differently. I don't dwell on that because honestly we were just sort of new and fresh. I know he doesn't cheat because he goes to work and comes straight home. We spend all our time together. I will say the first few months were tough as far as me trusting, but I just let it all go. You either stay with them and let it go or you need to leave. There is no sense in being with someone if you aren't going to trust them or try to trust them. good luck to you and congrats on the baby.

    Answer by suzyb1980 at 1:51 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Is SHE worth the attention you are giving her? That's exactly what you are doing. You are allowing another women to seep into your relationship and ruin it for you. It's done. it's over. Make HER go away. Let it go by taking over your life and don't allow what happened with her to control you and your life. I would NOT be giving the woman who has gotten on with her life control over mine. Now stop it and enjoy him

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:03 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • There is state funding for counseling. I cannot afford regular counseling but I found a place to take my son and its paid by the state. He has a psychologist, a psychiatrist, and we have a family councilor when we need it. see if theres is a childrens behavioral service where you live. call them and ask them if they know of anywhere.

    Answer by busymom1107 at 2:15 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Thanks for everyone's answers. I just want to add a few things; The other women is not pregnant by my husband!!! If it was anything that recent I would be gone and I would not be pregnant. As far as everybody saying that I need to get over it/ let it go... Well I know that completely, I'm just not quite sure how to do that, I guess I shold have been more specific. I'm hoping somebody who ha been through it maybe had some advice on a specific thing that helped them get past it all.

    Answer by shawneewaiting at 7:01 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • When you get the answer send me an e-mail cause it has been three years when he got a BJ from a whore and I stilll very much hate him and feel all the things you feel towards your husband. I just wish I would have left instead but stayed cause I didn't want to give up and I thought it be okay with a baby but it wasn't Everyday as time past by I get more and more depressed my kids are the only ones that's keeping me alive cause if I didn;t have them who knows how far my depression takes me. Even though he is trying I can't get past it and having a hard time looking ahead I'm stuck in the past and I don't know how to go forward. My heart breaks everytime I see his penis and everytime I see him. Then I get really angry sometimes I wonder why I'm still with him cause sometimes I feel like I dont love him and dont want to be with him but we have two kids now and I feel like I've made a mistake staying with him and having kids.

    Answer by mommyofone0724 at 4:25 AM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • But I say try to look forward and maybe talk to someone. Keep your head up and someday your heart will meand and you will be able to be happy again and not have to hurt. If your husband is trying at least he knows what he did and admits it to his self cause I dont even know how my husband feels about what he did. Your husband seems sincer about what he did mines I just dont know if he was I didnt feel it. Keep your head up and smile even though your heart is breaking

    Answer by mommyofone0724 at 4:31 AM on Sep. 7, 2009