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I know it's horrible, but I feel like I really dont like my kid!! What's wrong w/me?

I dont think this can be normal. I have a daughter in the 4th grade, her dad has never been in her life, & i've been trying to do the best at raising her as I know how to do. I had her young at 16 yrs old & I just feel like giving up most of the time. She's constantly getting on my nerves with her bad attitudes, not listening to me or her teachers, she talks in class & gets in trouble, I have to tell her repeatedly to do something & the list goes on! Sometimes I feel like I don't even want her anymore. I wish I could give her to her dad or somebody but unfortunately, he's no where around. That sounds terrible, i know but I dont feel im doing a good job w/her & what if it just gets worse from here on out?? The last thing i need or want is an out of control teen!! Someobdy help me please im desperate for answers & i hate myself for feeling like i hate my own kid.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on Sep. 4, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • all teens who are thinking it would be cool to have a baby should read this post

    babies grow up and turn into kids who drive their parents nuts

    being a single mom makes everything harder

    try to focus on the things you do like and love about her

    i bet that you are just overwhelmed and really do love her

    i have two kids a bit older than yours and sometimes they drive me crazy, they can push every one of my buttons and all at the same time, it really is a talent children have

    find some way to have some 'me' time and find some humor in the parent/child situation, give yourself a break, do you really not like her?? if so seek professional help because then you need some, if however you just feel like sometimes she is on your nerves, then take a deep breath and know all moms feel tht way at times

    good luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:59 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • I do not think that all parents run around thinking it is a blessing to have kids. I mean I love my dd to death and would do anything for her. Her father isn't much of a father. I think that you need to arrange a babysitter so that you have a couple nights out or to yourself where you can relax. I am married now and now I feel like I have two children. I have step kids to. There are times that I wish I could ship my dd to her fathers, but after I think that I am like hell no you have to be kidding. This is your first kid and you are also young. You are most likely doing a great job. My dd is 7 yrs. old now going on about 30. She talks major trash to me, but all I can do is send her to her room for disrespecting me. Take it easy give her consequences and know that it is normal to feel overwhelmed and not wanting to be a parent at times. I know there have been times I've asked my parents to take my dd, but I won't do it.
    suzyb1980

    Answer by suzyb1980 at 2:04 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Have you felt this way since you had her or is this recent? I know some people have a harder time with certain ages. I have a hard time around my niece who's 9 because she's at an annoying stage to ME. Its not her fault though. its just a sassy age and I don't like that. Is there anyone to help you? I know the dad is not in the picture but what about Grandparents? Could you two get some talking and qaulity time in? You said you feel you aren't doign a good job with her, maybe you can talk to someone?
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 2:05 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • OP

    No, i havent always felt this way about her. I remember how much I loved her when she was a baby, she was so precious to me. Even as a toddler I loved her so much. But now? I feel like shes a completely different being. I can't even connect her being a baby to who she is now. Its weird. Its like its two different people or something. I have another child who is 1 yr oldl now & I haven't been spending much time w/my older daughter. I accept that. I just feel too irritated with her most of the time to actually spend any time around her...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:12 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Are you with the father of your 1 year old? Do you think this change has been since you had your new baby? I am sure she is probably acting out because of the lack of attention. and I know doing one on one time with her sounds totally unappealing to you cause you don't like to be around her right now, but I think it would do wonders for HER, which in turn could do wonders for you both? I know my sister was a great mother to my niece when she was younger and she's NOT now that she's 9. I think she doesn't like this stage either but in the end, you still have some major trying years ahead of you... maybe yuo could talk to someone? figure out how to make thsi work for you both?
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 2:18 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • This is normal to a certain extent. All kids go through stages where they are not our favorite person. I have 5 kids. When my oldest son was about 15...I really really did not like him! This passed. It will pass for you too. Find some support. Perhaps family counseling. Take an art class together, or whatever floats her boat. Try bonding. Just keep in mind she is her own person, not you. She may clash with you, but that does not mean you don't love her. Being a single parent is hard, I have been there. You are her mom, don't give up on her...if you do, who won't? As for her getting in trouble in school and being defiant, you need to be strong. Tough love. Discuss what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior, and be clear that she understands what punishments will result if and when she steps out of line. Discipline is a form of love too.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 2:18 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • I understand. You are not alone. While my dd & I were very close when she was younger, we have grown apart and it seems everything she says or does irritates me now. I hide it as best I can. I hope its just a phase. I love her with all my heart and I would give up my own life for her.
    I read something recently that I am trying to stick to:
    When dealing with children every moment teaches or misleads.
    Remembering that forces me to be kind even when I want to Scream!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:13 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Find out if she has ADD or ADHD. My DS is the same way. He is constantly going, and there are times that I want to kick him out, but after talking with his pediatrician, we have decided it is something like around ADD or ADHD. This might help. Also, if someone else is watching her, she might be being abused. You need to sit down and talk to her and try to find out if things are happening to her. You also need to give yourself a break. All parents have moments where they are about to lose their mind. Good luck and keep us posted.
    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 4:13 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • ALL children go through difficult phases. There are plenty of times when my sons were at that same age and were very difficult. It's just a way for nature to make sure we understand that our children are separate beings from ourselves. This is just a growning pain Mama, it will pass. Just find quiet time for yourself and then find quiet time to share with your 14 year old.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 4:37 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • You need help and guidance. See if you two can to go a therapist. You need to learn how to communicate with her and she needs to learn that her actions are only hurting herself. As to the fact that you want to give her away, well, sometimes when we're at the end of our rope we feel like giving up. It's only human nature. Don't beat yourself up but focus on a solution. Again, therapy may really help (and don't be afraid of looking around for a therapist you like).

    MotherofIreland

    Answer by MotherofIreland at 5:17 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

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