Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

do you think a birthfather should have more say in a adoption plan?

i am a birthmother and the lawer i was working with would not let the birthfather have much say. i went a head and placed the baby because the parents are great. but dont you think it is wrong to keep the birthfather from having just as much say as the birthmother. the way i see it is that if it would not be for the birthfather as well the baby would not even be around. because it does take two right? so do you think the birthfather should have more say.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:58 PM on Sep. 4, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (22)
  • What if the birth father had been totally against adoption and you had not placed the baby and then....he just decided to not pay child support? I think you did the best thing you could have done in the circumstances.
    SterlingLegend

    Answer by SterlingLegend at 8:02 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • did he want more say? if he really didn't care than it shouldn't matter, I don't really know the law regarding adoption law but maybe he can always come out and say he never agreed or whatever I don't know what his rights are but I am glad that you found a good family to adopt the baby to, I know that is hard to do, so many girls turn to other options that don't give the child a chance
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:04 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • but if the birthfather wanted to keep the baby should he not have the right to do that? as long as he was able to give the baby a good home.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:07 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • First of all I would like to thank you for being the most unselfish kind of mom, one who would give up her child to have the right kind of life, not that you would have been unable, but a bright future is an amazing thing. My DH and I have been married for 11 years, and we had a daughter (Lily} who died at birth, and 3 more miscarriages after that, we were on an adoption list and told we were never going to have children, suprise we got Billy. I think in this situation you lawyer was correct, if he --the birth father was going to be a stand up guy, he and you would have probably decided to keep the child,,so just rest assured you did the right thing, and GOD bless you, you have a great road ahead of you.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 8:08 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • The birthfathers I knew were involved actively and helped to pick the adoptive parents. If the birthmother said that she did not know who the birthfather was or that he didn't want anything to do with the baby and refused to name the father then legal steps were taken to try and seek the biological father of the unborn child. In all honesty, it is key that an expectant mother be very up front and honest to avoid any future issues for her. I know of several cases where birthmothers have been prosecuted becauses they lied to the court about the biological father situation. Those women are now in prison.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:34 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • no
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:35 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • anom34 I agree that you need to be upfront,mostly,but never mind that .How do you prove who a woman had sex with? She could say she lied to others about who the father is.The only decent thing the birthfather did was after helping my family put me away was to admit to being the father legally so they didn't have to post for him

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:51 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • My childs birth father was as involved as he could be...but the agency told me if he didnt want to sign to "not worry. he doesnt HAVE to. we will take care of it". Agencies dotn really want birth fathers involved if possible is the feeling I got.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:12 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • That adoption lawyer sounds really shady to me. My husband and I are trying to adopt and considered several agencies. EVERY SINGLE ONE encouraged birthfather involvement. All the adopters I've met wished the birthfather had been more involved, too. They all have open adoptions and wish the birthdads were a part of the process. Also, adopters are warned that if the birthfather isn't involved, one's adoption is riskier. Not always, it's just that if he isn't involved adopters must worry he could surface suddenly and contest the adoption. That's perfectly within his rights -- I don't mean to sound as if he shouldn't. It's just potentially heartbreaking. I guess what I'm getting to, is that from a hopeful adopter's perspective: it's best for the child to know something of his birthfather, perhaps have contact with him; it's great for the adopters to know him so they can tell the child about him; best for birthdad's healing, too.
    JaneAustenFan25

    Answer by JaneAustenFan25 at 10:15 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Yes, I think that father's wishes and feelings should be considered like a mothers are. However, both agencies and adoption attorneys rarely want to include the father. They want getting the baby to be as easy for them as possible. It's sad, but true. Laws vary from state to state, some states require a father's consent if possible. Others do all they can to exclude him.

    Many agencies and attorneys care mainly about getting the baby, and want it to be as easy as possible.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 10:28 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN