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Really need your input girls...

I need input on what to do with this situation.

My best friend ( a guy) is engaged and they have a daughter on the way. Well, I have been talking to him about my plans to look into artificial insemination for my second child. I really want to have another child and have the means to do so so I thought well what the heck why not. So we are having this conversation and he says, "Well I would rather you not have a child with some mystery man. I want to be the father." Of course my initial response is I think you should probably discuss that with your fiancee.

So he leaves it alone for about a week and then today, I receive an email from him at work stating that he insists that I let him donate and that its none of "Sue's" business and if she leaves then so be it...

How do I explain to him that while I am honored that he would help, I am not going to ruin a family just to expand my own w/o losing my best friend?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:56 PM on Sep. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I don't see a problem myself as long as he's responsible and will be a dad to your child and pay child support.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:58 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • just be straight up with him..if he's willing to let his fiance in on the plans, and she's ok with it..then..you might still want to think about it. get legal advice, etc. its not something to take lightly. but i wouldn't consider doing it knowing his fiance isn't in the conversation. if he's keeping something this important from her (which is totally her issue), what is he likely to keep from you? honesty works all the way around..
    thehairnazi

    Answer by thehairnazi at 8:59 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • op here.

    Unfortunately being his best friend I know he is trying everything he can to sabotage this relationship.
    While I would definitely have this child with him were the situation different, being that he is engaged with a baby on the way, I just can't. Maybe if it was more medical but he wants to do it the old fashion way... Awkward...
    Now I can say in his defense him and I had this conversation in great dealabout 8 months ago before he met his current fiancee... And yes I know that is crazy... one night stand that led to her being pregnant so he proposed....
    To me now that you have committed yourself to someone, you cannot possibly expect me to follow through with our original plan...Thats just wrong...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:05 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • What you just wrote. Sounded great, maybe offer to sit down with her and talk to her about it. Sue should know and have a vote.
    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 9:06 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Op, By your second post, I think you already know the answer to this. You know the relationship that you have with your so called friend is inappropriate and if you don't want to ruin a family then you should stop the communication with him. I know how that sounds and I've been in a similar situation but in all honesty you know that nothing good can come from your conversations with him on this particular subject. Until he decides not to have a relationship with his current woman, your friendship should be put on hold.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 9:10 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • legal- you are probably, that was just the last thing I wanted to do... We grew up together and have been best friends for 18 years now. I seriously can not imagine a world without him in it, but knowing him and how he thinks ya he is trying to be a best friend and give what I want so badly, but also he is trying to create a bad situation that will make "sue" leave him so that he doesn't have to be asshole and leave her... They just dont know one another and thats the problem.

    My standing on that is if you don't want to be with her fine, don't marry her, but don't try to get me to help you turn her into a basket case... We are adults... knocking on30s door... Man up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:20 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Honestly how would you feel if you were the fiance? I dont think that you should do it, dont even think about it. I get miffed about girls and guys being "friends" cuz I had a problem with my man and his friend that is a girl. They never did anything sexual but it still sucks when they are always talking to her. He might be your best friend but he sounds like a sleaze that has no inhibitions about hiding things from SO, whats gonna stop him from hiding things from you if you two were in a relationship. Also if he fathered the child would you want your child having a half sibling from another woman, that you barely know and has been scorned by the father. I think you are a good woman just being bamboozled by a cheap guy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:32 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Op- If you can't imagine the world without him....maybe there are stronger feelings there than you realize. Maybe it's a case of he's afraid of intimacy and so are you. Maybe that's how you both have been so close for so long but never got into a relationship. I say, tell him that you don't want to be the reason his relationship fails. Back off a bit and if he decides that he loves you and he wants to be with you and not anyone else then it's for keeps. If he has feelings for you, you want him to be sincere. What he's doing now is running away from something and that won't help him or you. Make sure if he ends his relationship with her, it's for the right reasons. Good luck to you OP. :)

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 9:34 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Please dont bring another child into this mess. if you want an artificial insemination go pay and have it done. A situation like this is just asking for drama. You cant have a child with someone and there not be feelings and emotions that get in the way, unless of course you keep it clinical as in with a petri dish and a sperm donor. Dont kid yourself into thinking this a good idea. Him being with Sue isnt the only thing that makes it bad. You cant just casually have a baby with a guy because hes your best friend and you want a kid. What will be his role in teh babys life? will he pay child support? with him being your friend, and around constantly those are issues you would have to address because he will not be an anonymous donor who just goes away. and how will you explain that mommys firend so and so is also your dad?
    rlewis

    Answer by rlewis at 12:24 AM on Sep. 5, 2009

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