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What to do?

I'm a single mother of a 3 year old. The father is not a significant part of the picture. I recently found out I am expecting again...8 weeks along. I told the father (not the same one) and he said he can't do this. I don't know what to do. He doesn't want it, but I do. I don't want to force him into anything but I don't think I could live with having an abortion. If I decide to have it, I will have 2 kids with 2 fathers and I'm not with either one. If I have this baby I also plan to get my tubes tied. I'm so confused.

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:29 PM on Sep. 4, 2009 in Pregnancy

Answers (9)
  • sounds like a shitty situation maybe you should get on some bc or use condoms or well both then this would stop happening

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:31 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • welcome to my world. Well not completely, but I totally understand about being confused as to wether or not to keep this baby. My daughter's father and I are broken up but still live together for her sake until I can move. it was supposed to be in March, but I found out a couple months ago I'm pregnant again. Not 100% sure its his cuz I have a bf in Florida.. but we still live together and its happened a couple times so I really didn't know what to do, or anything.
    Enough rambling. Basically, you have to do what's right for you. You might consider adoption for the one your carrying if you (like me) can't stand the thought of having an abortion. I decided to keep the baby.. but I'm still struggling with what to do after its born. It's gonna be a long and difficult ride, but keep yourself and your child as your first priority, and don't let anyone tell you what you should do. Good luck! PM me if you want to talk

    Answer by kristal2146 at 9:34 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • My aunt has 5 kids to 5 different guys. I feel bad for her and you. But do what your heart says is right. Is any man really worth having an abortion?

    Answer by sopheeahsmommy at 9:36 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • I don't think you should have an abortion. I think that it's his responsibility too. If nothing else, he needs to pay child support. It's a little late for him to say he doesn't want it. Don't feel bad just because of that. My sister has 4 kids from 4 guys. She is the best mother I know. She's with the dad of her youngest, but with the others she did it all on her own. Do what YOU want and don't worry about what other people are going to think about it. Good luck!

    Answer by militarywife976 at 9:44 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Thanks for the replies except for the 1st one...its already done. I'm asking for thoughts on what I should do NOW not what I should have done. To everyone else who has replied thank U!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:46 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • I'm sorry you're facing such a tough situation. Don't let the first responder's useless judgment get to you! (Shame on you Anonymous 9:31!) I have no wish to pressure you, but you should really go to a local adoption agency and speak to one of their counselors. I know going to an agency must seem like it's a decision, but it's not. You're not obligated to anything by going. Most adoption agencies offer free counseling to help women either find the resources they need to parent, or educate them and support them throughout the adoption process. It's ILLEGAL for them to pressure or coerce you, so no need to fear that. I know this because my husband and I are trying to adopt and met pregnancy counselors at our adoption classes. We were really impressed by this resource. I don't mean to be pushy at all, just to share what I know. I'm no objective expert, but am here if you have questions about adoption. (There ARE people who care.)

    Answer by JaneAustenFan25 at 9:54 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • In your post you said that you want this baby. IMO, that is all the answer you need hun! =) Do what YOU feel is right. If you want this baby, then by all means, raise him/her, and love him/her! The father may come around, who knows, but if he doesn't this baby is his responsibility as well. You would think that if he is going to be paying to help raise this child, then he would want something to do with the baby. I can't imagine a guy being soo sour that he knows the baby is his and STILL refusing to be a part of its life.. BUT i am sure they are out there. Plenty of women have kids by different dads. All that matter is that you love them and take care of them. That's what I think anyways. Good luck!

    Answer by itsbree2you at 10:31 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • No matter who your children's fathers are you are still their mother. I have 4 kids and 3 fathers! But these are MY kids. You can do it, and when you have your 2 children, it's just that, they are siblings and the fathers don't matter. If they want to be involved or not it doesn't change the fact that you are their mother. My dd has 2 girls by 2 different fathers. Recently the youngest ones father has come into the picture and wants to see her, well he sees both girls together. When he takes his dd, he also takes her sister. They know he is the younger ones father and not the olders, but they don't think it's odd! They have adapted very well. They are sisters no matter what.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:43 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

  • Maybe I'm not the best person to answer this question because I'm 22 weeks and full of preggy hormones but. . . I think you answered this question for yourself. . . Your response is that you want this baby. . . The real question is what is your support network like. . . the dad obviously will not support you emotionally but what about family and friends. . . gather them close and start decorating the baby's room.

     As for adoption. . . I am a b-mom and very pro adoption. . . however if your first thought isn't adoption (like mine was) then you may find yourself feeling guilty or bitter if you do adopt out especially if you have your tubes tied. . . I'm not against it but it has to be your choice. . . I wish you luck and offer a shoulder if you need someone to talk to.


    Answer by chrissmom734 at 11:33 PM on Sep. 4, 2009

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