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Pornography

My dh and I are religious and from day 1 we have both said that pornography should not be a part of our relationship. With that said, about a year ago (when I was pregnant with our child) my dh began looking at porn. He also admitted to lusting over women that he knows or saw on the street and then masturbating also. It hurt me so deeply, I was still having what I thought was great sex with him when I was pregnant. Anyways, he stopped his behavior, it has been a year without porn and everything was great. This morning I opened up a 2nd window on my computer and Google taskbar showed all of the sites that have been used. Last night instead of trying to have sex with me, he went to ratemymelons.com......now what?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:53 AM on Sep. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • i would of got me a dildo and went to town! hahaa
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:54 AM on Sep. 5, 2009

  • Men are very visual. While I am not agreeing that his behavior is okay, he shouldn't hide it from you. He needs to open and honest with you and you need to be understanding of his needs. It is okay to lust after someone or find someone attractive as long as you don't pursue that person or the desires.
    coala

    Answer by coala at 10:59 AM on Sep. 5, 2009

  • Porn is always healty for a relationship. Its adds spice and maybe thats what you need. He's probably bored so if you dont like watching porn try something else to spice things up. Dont be upset with him because he has a penis. If he does it constatly then I would be upset but he's not so you shouldn't be too upset. Even without porn he would still be mastubating so be a little more open minded and I'm sure things will change for the better.
    drs1206

    Answer by drs1206 at 10:59 AM on Sep. 5, 2009

  • Honestly the porn thing wouldn't bother me but the comment about lusting over women in the street is kind of bizarre. I guess all men look but to tell you he does and masturbates is different...and I'm sorry but I highly doubt it has been a year without porn he is just hiding it well. If it is bothering you that much I suggest counseling. If it's not getting in the way of your sex life, work life, or home life (which it wasn't if you didn't know til you saw the computer) then if it were me I wouldn't be worried about it, IMO. But if you are as deeply hurt as you say you are you need to get counseling to fix all the trust issues
    Lauren24

    Answer by Lauren24 at 11:00 AM on Sep. 5, 2009

  • It is so easy to access porn on the internet. It actually gets sent to my 12 yr. old son's skype. I would try and have an honest discussion with dh. Tell him how you really feel about it. Men do not want to be controlled, in general, so I would not tell him not to do it but ask him. In the end, he is a grown man and should be allowed to make his own decision.

    writeon

    Answer by writeon at 11:03 AM on Sep. 5, 2009

  • When my hubby and I got together I knew he looked at porn, when we moved in together he stopped - that is until I got pregnant and wasn't all that into sex. Then I would notice that he was looking at porn either before or after us having sex (and I mean a matter of 5 or 10 minutes and he'd be on the computer or just got done), and yes he was masterbating too. It made me feel so bad that I stopped wanting sex at all and felt like the computer could take care of those needs for him and I started masterbating, Since seperating and talking I was finally able to get it through to him how him watching all that porn made me feel. So he's agreed that no more porn in our future. He'd rather have a good sex life with me than the computer.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:08 AM on Sep. 5, 2009

  • OP: I guess I just don't get it. My dh and I have an amazing sex life. Yes, I have seen a porn or 2 in my lifetime, before becoming part of my church. The sex my husband and I are having is just as nasty, if not worse than what is in those films. The Bible says that sex is to be between a husband and wife, it doesn't say that we can't be freaks. I am the complete opposite of boring and we can do it whenever, wherever. I just don't get what he's doing. Why in the world would you tell your spouse that you think about women that you see at the store or walking down the street while masturbating? Why would he choose porn over a real woman? Why was he on a site that has real women from our are that you can chat with?

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 AM on Sep. 5, 2009

  • Masterbating is normal for all humans, maybe you could "spice" things up in the bedroom, being religious shouldn't mean you can't explore one anothers passions, just not others! I would talk to him about the "lusting after other women" does he want to have an affair? Maybe offer to look at a little soft porn with him, I guess just don't be ashamed to communicate with him.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 11:15 AM on Sep. 5, 2009

  • I hate when women "justify" men watching porn. I mean come on are they little high schoolers still? Men need to freaking grow up, when they get bored they need to talk to us not go to the comp. and jack off! I think you are right to feel wronged by it, especially since you have a healthy sex life. I am all for porn for single guys but if they are in a relationship then they need to cut it out, so digusting. Masterbating may be normal but its just a saying for people that are not having sex or just addicted to porn. I am with you 100% on this one, tell your man to knock it off and grow the freak up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:41 AM on Sep. 5, 2009

  • I also do not like it when it tries to get justified. No porn in my marriage, my house, on my computer, on my tv, none. There is no room for it in my marriage. I am on my fourth marriage (and I do not need to explain what happened to the first 3), but I have seen it all. Porn was always in my other marriages and in fact, took over the 3rd one. Once you open that door, it is all but impossible to close it again. My husband was looking at porn about 6 months ago and I flat out told him, it had to stop and I would not marry him if that's what he wanted to do. It stopped, flat out, right away and completely. We got married August 1 and we have an amazing sex life! There is only one man I should lust over, and one woman he should lust over, and that's what we do. Sex should not be given out to strangers like it's candy. It is a private and intense connection to your spouse, not the world. Just my opinion. :)
    TarLion

    Answer by TarLion at 1:14 PM on Sep. 5, 2009

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