Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My daughter's pregnant and my husband's flipped, and please some advice...

So she sat us down today, she's 14, and said "I'm 5 months pregnant.". We were shocked, quite obviously. We have always supervised her when with boys, or so we thought quite obviously. I'm not saying some of the blame doesn't lie with us, I feel as if I've failed my daughter.

But my problem is my husband FLIPPED. I'm talking started scareming at her about how she was all these awful things and screamed these awful names and said how disgusting she was. And I all I saw was my scared little girl. So I told him to go calm down, so he got in his car and drove off, and his phone's off...and she's just fallen asleep next to me, and I'm just so worried abotu everything. My husband is a very stubborn man.

Please anyone?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:53 PM on Sep. 5, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (14)
  • He'll come around. I mean I don't know him but most men flip out in that type of situation, especially dads. My dad wasn't so upset the first time I got pregnant but the 2nd time he actually threw me out. Now he loves my babies dearly and comes up quite often to visit. Just give him some time to breathe, he probably just wants to strangle the poor bastard that got your daughter pregnant. Good luck though, I hope everything turns out ok.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 7:58 PM on Sep. 5, 2009

  • I think once your husband cools off and thinks about it he will talk more rationally. you did the right thing of telling him to calm down and you stayed strong. i never had that happened but good luck your daughter is going to need more now than she has ever needed you, good luck i had a friend that got pregnant at that age and it was hard. so good luck. prayers are with you. you didnt fail your daughter she made her choice.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:59 PM on Sep. 5, 2009

  • This is a very stressful situation, for you, your dd, and your dh. He may have over reacted, but most dads do. It is very hard for him to see his dd that way. He'll come around, especially when he looks into the eyes of his grandchild. This is a tough time for your dd too, she really needs you now. You can't undo what has already been done, so now it's time for you to support your dd, and reassure her you love her. She needs to be able to come to you with any questions and concerns she may have. She is very young and needs her parents now more than ever. Give your dh a few days, then you and him talk alone and let him know your dd needs you both so much, and needs to know that you both still love her.
    robinann5

    Answer by robinann5 at 8:09 PM on Sep. 5, 2009

  • You did not fail your daughter, there is no possible way for parents to be with a teen 24/7 and as pp's have said what's done is done now you have to move on. When DH comes home I think you two should talk alone before he talks to DD let him know how you feel about this but that DD needs you both now more than ever. I think Dads have a harder time that their "little girls" aren't anymore, he'll come around in time. I was 19 and out of the house when I got pregnant and my Dad was still not too happy about it but when DS came he was a proud Pappa.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 8:21 PM on Sep. 5, 2009

  • You did not in anyway fail your daughter, you can't be with her 24/7. As parents, we teach our kids right from wrong, our values, etc and then we hope for the best. It is time to have a long talk with your daughter, before hubby gets home. When hubby gets home, then you need to have a long talk with him about how inappropriate it was for him to call his daughter nasty names, he is an adult not some idiotic teenager. Your daughter will need both of you now, she will be going through a lot. I was 23 when I was pregnant and my dad didn't talk to me for 3 months, unless he had to. But once my son was born, he was wrapped around his finger. They were best buds from the beginning. Give dad time, he will come around. He does need to apologize to his daughter. He may be disappointed and that is ok, but the name calling was wrong.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 8:53 PM on Sep. 5, 2009

  • Some people have no experience and no example of how to deal with news that's not good. Sounds like dh is one.

    Supervising kids when boys are around would require you to be at school with her all day, every day, yes? At every activity she's at, walking her home from everything... It's quite a distance (clearly) from what actually happened. Obviously, this child had ample time to get the task completed in the time available.

    You (and doubtless dh) feel you have 'done everything' to control the outcome, and have nevertheless ended up with a result you'd hoped not to experience.

    Curiosity: I wish to know if this child had a lot of sex education--including drawings of what which parts do and how sex is accomplished--or not? I'll refrain from adding anything else about that.

    Right now, there is a child, feeling unloved by one of her parents, and another child on the way. Miraculous! What a great chance for love!!
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 9:17 PM on Sep. 5, 2009

  • Your poor daughter must be out of her mind. She needs to start having medical care. She needs to understand how she became pregnant and how this could have been avoided.


    You and your husband need to sit down with your daughter, the impregnator and his parents; in most states a minor is considered to be an adult regarding all medical decisions related to a pregnancy.


    I hope that they will consider adoption; the Cradle is a wonderful organization: www.cradle.org


     

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:53 PM on Sep. 5, 2009

  • I'm going to go out on a limb and say that she waited this long because she knew her dad would flip out. I had to tell my mom I was pregnant on my 17th bday, kicker is the dad was 22 and she never knew about him. I was afraid of telling her about my secret bf. I'm glad though that I only had her to tell because if my dad would have been alive....everyone has said he'd be in jail for killing the guy. my dad had a temper and didn't cool off very well.
    Everything will work itself out...it has too! nowhere to go from here but forward. Right now your daughter needs you too be strong and not judgemental. Also don't be afraid of open adoption and suggesting the option to her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:30 PM on Sep. 5, 2009

  • Very few of us react exactly as we should when receiving such a shock. Hopefully your husband will feel more level-headed in the morning, and ready to resolve the situation and support you and your daughter. I hope so! As regards your daughter's situation: please, please contact a pregnancy counselor at your local adoption agency. They aren't allowed to pressure your daughter. (If they do, leave.) They will help you all find the resources you need if you choose to parent the child, or will guide you through the adoption process if that's what is decided. They are a wonderful FREE resource. My husband and I are trying to adopt and met several of these counselors at our adoption classes and were very impressed by their role in these sorts of circumstances. I don't mean to make a stressful situation worse by pushing any one solution. I just want to help. Please contact me if you'd like to know more. Hope tomorrow's better.
    JaneAustenFan25

    Answer by JaneAustenFan25 at 11:20 PM on Sep. 5, 2009

  • My dad didn't talk to me for 4 months when I told him I was pregnant at 16. While it was a bit much for the yelling i could never imagine the shock i'd feel finding out that my BABY daughter was pregnant at such a young age. I really don't know how I would react. The child needs to obviously get medical attention but you also need to talk with your hubby about how he's feeling. That is alot for a father to take in.
    KalebsMommee

    Answer by KalebsMommee at 12:42 AM on Sep. 6, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN