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Does anyone else have to deal with mommy cliques at school?

My daughter is going into the 2nd grade this year, and I'm already sick to my stomach about it. My family moved to a small town four years ago, and apparently, if your grandma didn't play with everyone else's grandma in the sandbox around here, then you're a nobody. I have walked into my duaghter's school in the past and I have actually had moms look at me, and literally turn their backs on me so they wouldn't have to talk to me. I try to smile and be friendly, but it's hard, especially when I have had some moms refuse to let their daughters play with mine, because they didn't approve of the house that we live in. My daughter is very friendly and outgoing, and it breaks my heart. To make matters worse, these are also the PTO mommies. Does anybody have any advice, or has anyone else been thru this?

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:04 AM on Sep. 6, 2009 in

Answers (11)
  • I wish i had some advice for you but since im pretty much in the same boat I really dont know what to tell you. I just remind my daughter (4th grade) that she beautiful and smart and that those other kids are missing out on knowing a great kid cause their mommies are so judgemental. And shes now starting to figure that out and finding little girls who are more like her whos families have similar ideals etc to ours and that helps alot. I am interested to see what other mommies say. The mommies around here dont want to have anything to do with you if you dont go to their church or work at the university or hopsital (which are the biggest employers around here) and since i dont do any of those things we get left out alot. Which is alos why i dont do the pto cause like you the same mommies are on the pto!

    Answer by elananme at 10:44 AM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • Ugh I know! I went to my first grader's open house at the same school I used to attend and all the parents are STILL in the same cliques they were a part of in high school, none of which I belong to. I just ignore them. All of my high school friends either don't have kids or are scattered all over because most of them joined the military. The school parents' children seems like they are continuing the same clique their parents were in. It's annoying really but I don't let it bother me. My 1st grader has a cousin in 2nd grade at the same school that she plays with, and I am just too busy with Avon to even worry about the petty crap.

    Answer by MHaney1980 at 11:30 AM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • Can you join the PTO or become the room mom? That way you would be able to interact with them more and they can get to know you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:25 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • My dh and I moved to a small town almost 8 yrs ago... bringing with us our now 8 yr old grandson(I have custody of)... Now I have 2 grown dd's and 2 s-children from dh... so I am old hands when it comes to schooling/grades/volunteering etc....
    And I still get "THAT" look...LMAO... (it's a phrase I use for those who belong to so & so click).... my gs is now in 3 th grade... this is how I do it...
    I pay no mind to them... Period.... volunteer when you like... join groups and be YOU... there are clicks all over and no matter, you will run into them... don't let it bother you... say hi, offer to help another mother with a project (class related) etc...
    I personally don't care... if YOU (in general) don't like me bc of who I am or am not... then YOU (again in general) have the problem... not me...

    Good Luck... but be YOU...

    Answer by gmasboy at 8:31 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • I too have that issue. I am signing my son up for scouts this year and see if I can be in the "Scout mom" group or if they too are too cool for me.

    When we lived in a small town in texas it was soo much worse. My son would get invited to b-day parties and not a single parent, Not even the hosting parents, would say a single word to me.

    Answer by SaturnsMom at 9:15 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • Yeah same hear. If your ancestoars didn't help find this coutny or town they treat you like trash. But they know better then to mess with me because my family is well know and my cousin is the sheriff. LOl.

    Answer by Ibelongtojesus at 9:23 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • Yeah...I'm the weird mom so only my neighbor and my friend's mom talk to me at the bus stop lol

    Answer by OneToughMami at 10:03 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • It never stops, just be yourself and try not to let it bother you. My son is a hockey goalie and a HS Junior he only played on his HS team last year and the year before parents we have known for years would snub me in the grocery store as well as at school functions! Last year they were all so happy to have him on the team they were all nice to me and DH, but this year he is not playing on the school team again and as soon as the tryouts for the team he is playing on were over last spring and it was known that they for sure will not have DS for their goalie some are already snubbing me again and he doesn't eve go back to school until the 10th! My attitude is WHATEVER the other team is what is best for my son and tha tis what I tell them.

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 10:37 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • Believe me the teachers know which moms are the brown nosers who live through their kids for their own social gain.If you want to volunteer do it. When my daughter was in the elementary school choir/theatre. I was a choir mom. Went on the field trips, built sets etc. I became good friends with the music director. When my son was in his special needs class, I made sure that they were treated like every other class. Gathered basket items for the silent auction. Box tops etc. My son's teacher loved me! I could care less about anyone else.
    If you are good at art volunteer to help the class with their projects for open house. If you love books volunteer in the library. Great at computers volunteer to help during your child's computer class.
    I avoided the big fund raisers because that is when the claws, attitudes and cliques came out. However if I was asked by a certain teacher or principal to volunteer I was there.

    Answer by CelticFaerie at 6:10 AM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • I have a question for you. Are you attractive? Do you wear stylish clothes? Are you wealthy? Is your child someone who they'd envy? The reason I ask is because I sense a threat. Sometimes, these moms are just so insecure. They are insecure about the way they look, even though they may be attractive themselves...they are insecure about their mommy skills, insecure about how well their child does in school-academically as well as socially. It could be that you and your child threaten them in a way that makes them feel inadequate. Suddenly some really stylish, attractive mom and child come in and they become jealous.

    Answer by hw1977 at 11:00 AM on Sep. 7, 2009

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