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how do I have the talk with my son?

Its about that time. now. but my husband doesn't want to do it for some reason. I don't know if he just doesn't know how to answer my son might have or if he's just too embarrassed to talk about it.


Asked by incarnita at 9:43 AM on Sep. 6, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 14 (1,386 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • My best advice... don't make it a talk, make it an ongoing conversation. You can use anything as a starting point. I used one of the "Saving Sex for Marriage" billboards as my jumping point. Ask him his opinion of something like that, go from there to see what he knows, what he thinks he knows, and tell him what he needs to know.
    And remember- don't talk at him or lecture him, converse with him.

    Answer by mandaday at 9:50 AM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • This needs to be an ongoing conversation that started at about 6 years old. I have been talking to my now 13 yr old son since then. He has had safe sex pounded into his head, he knows what a condom is, he knows about STD's, how his body will and is changing, about responsibility and respect. He also knows that I would rather he wait until he is 18 or older to have sex, but I am also realistic enough to know that it may not happen. I want him knowledgeable and protected. Abstience only educaiton doesn't work. Knowledge is power and doesn't mean a child will be out having sex early. No lectures, no freaking out. Let him lead the conversations, let him ask the questions, just answer them honeslty and age appropriate. Depending on his age, he knows more than you think. Sex Ed starts in 4th grade with body changes and how to care for your body during puberty (deodarant, washing hair, etc).

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:45 AM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • Since when is 18 the "magic" number to have sex at? I get the whole "adult" part of it but to be honest turning 18 doesn't make anyone any more mature.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:55 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • boys are more comfortable talking to men about this- so if dad won't due it maybe a uncle, cousin etc.. someone you trust. teach him sex is beautiful ,but best saved for marriage.
    Start with the basics & ask him if he has any questions. The library may have books that can help.

    Answer by maiahlynn at 4:29 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • I agree w/ tyfry7496, the conversation needs to be ongoing. If you sit down with him to start the conversation, he's going to see you're uncomfortable talking about sex/relationships etc. so try and make it as natural as possible. My 9yr wanted to know how a woman could have a baby w/out being married, then he wanted to know how babies were made and he "wanted the truth". When I told him "the truth" he didn't believe me!
    True being 18 doesn't make anyone more mature but hopefully by that time they understand the consequences of sex/relationships.
    Good Luck!

    Answer by IndyGemini at 8:23 AM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • My son has been asking questions since last year he is now 9. When he asks I answer but I only supply the information he needs. When he asks I answer. That is my suggestion but everyone is different.

    Answer by robinsi2000 at 10:37 AM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • I talked to my son after he had maturation class in 5th grade. In that class, they talk about the differences are between girls and boys. I took it once step further and explained the differences and how they are used in sex. I, also, explained that I preferred that he waited until he is married. It makes the experience special compared to just having sex. I told him that there will be times when my dh & I won't be around to help him control that bodily urge. It will have to be his choice. I even asked him what he would do if he got a girl pregnant. I wanted him to think about what his future would be like if he was still in school--junior high, high school, or college--when a girl told him that she was pregnant. I even explained what condoms were and how they were used, and that they are not fool proof in preventing a pregnancy. I told him that if he did get someone pregnant, his dad & I wanted to know to help him.

    Answer by dustbunny at 1:45 PM on Sep. 7, 2009