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Question for SAHM's

Do any of you deal with all but outright hostility when someone finds out you're a SAHM? I have never in my life dealt with such animosity as when some people, not all but more than I would have imagined, find out what I do. I don't plan to do this forever, just until both my kids are in school, then I'm back at work. I just don't see the need to spend my paycheck on daycare (and that is what it would be I've done my research) when I can know my kids are being looked after here at home because I'm the one with them. No offense intended to anyone who reads this and has children in daycare. I'm sure there are perfectly wonderful centers but I had the misfortune to have been abused in both of the ones I was in as a child. They had good records and looked perfect but apparently looks really are deceiving.

Has anyone else been treated badly when someone new finds out you're SAHM?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:08 PM on Sep. 6, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • I never experienced that. You should never feel you need to explain why you are to anyone. Even if you decide not to go back to work. It's no ones business. You may decide later you want to volunteer with their school, who knows. Whatever you and your hubby decide to do or is for the benefit of your family.



    Answer by Christine0813 at 1:18 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • I have been a SAHM for ten years now, and have a baby on the way, so it'll be several more at least! I can't say I've ever been treated really badly, but I can tell some people look down on it. Some people ask me what I do all day (ha!) which is annoying because I work harder as a SAHM than I EVER worked when I had a full-time job. My MIL in particular seems to think I have the easy life...every time I talk to her she's like "ok honey, go put your feet up and relax and enjoy your day at home. I'm off to work". Seriously - I get that all the time! But whatever..,I know I'm doing what's best for me and my children and I wouldn't change it for the world. :)

    Answer by goldenfox at 1:14 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • some people say that we do nothing at all all day but they dont live with us or have never been a sahm or they dont have kids.they really should not say anyuthing cuase they dont now what we do all day.i am a sahm so i know what u mean

    Answer by mariella11 at 1:22 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • Yeh, but only from my dh,l.o.l.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • Read Dr. Laura's book called "In Praise of Stay at Home Moms." It will encourage and uplift you, as well as arm you with great responses for when people put you down for being a SAHM. Also, remember that when working moms are negative towards you, it's most likely being fueled by guilt that they are not the ones raising their children.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 1:26 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • I have been at home since 1985 when I got married. My children are 23, 21, 19 and 17 and I am a stay at home mom. I have just my younger 2 who are both Seniors in high school at home at this point and they graduate next year. Once they graduate I have no plans to get a job. I get a LOT of neg. comments when people find out that I am a SAHM with older children & that I have no plans to ever get a job. My husband retires in 12 years and he has 2 days a week off (always Sunday and then his days off rotate every week giving him Friday, Saturday and Sunday off every 5th week I think it is). I don't want a job that will have me working on his days off, I want to be home when he's home so that we can enjoy our time together and when he retires I don't want to still be working. I don't know why everyone thinks that I SHOULD work just because my kids are grown. It annoys me.


    Answer by tracylynnr67 at 1:27 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • OP here - I just get tired of being treated like I'm not pulling my weight or am sitting at home watching t.v. all day. I watch less now than I did when I was single and working in an office. It's on for noise while I work so I'm less lonely for adult company. It doesn't work anymore. I would like to work part time when my youngest starts school. I have to say that I love my kids and don't regret being able to spen this time with them. I'm so glad I have gotten to see so many of their milestones. But that doesn't mean eveyrthing is perfect with the arrangement.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:29 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • ThrivingMom - thank you for the book suggetion. I look forward to reading it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:31 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • In my first marriage me and my sister in law at the time, we both wanted to be SAHM'S and we did but the rest of the family would ridicule us and call us lazy for it! She home school's 5 kids, gardens and cans, bakes fresh bread daily and her husband works from home so she has him as well. She is thought as "lazy" by her parents. I'm in my 2nd marriage and in this new family of mine, your expected to stay at home. My neighbors and people around me think I'm lazy because I am home all day. Here's the thing though my husband comes home at 5 puts his feet up and stays their until he goes to bed. I'm running all day and more so at night when there is dinner and a kitchen to clean then lunches for the next day and all the while I'm supposed to keep an eye on my son while he plays outside and give him a bath and put him to bed. Hell I'd say my husband has it made!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:38 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • i dont believe in a mom working. a mom is a job in my opinion. i have children and i will not work outside the home. moms are supposed to stay home and do house chores and attend to the childen while the husband goes to work and mkes the money and provide for his family.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:39 PM on Sep. 6, 2009