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What should I do about my sil?

My sil always seems to have a problem with the things I say or the things I do as if everthing I say and do has a double meaning. She brings it to my husband's attention (instead of mine) and then my hubby comes and tells me what she had a problem with (once again). This time, she claims that I am constantly wearing shirts that are way too revealing. My dh, to my defense, tells her that I wear the same kind of clothes that she does but that my boobs just happen to be bigger so it may seem as though I am "trying" to show stuff off but truly I am not. She replies with a "of course you would think that" and then lists all the clothes that I have worn that are revealing!?! Should I confront her about this? If I do, what should I say so as not to be in defensive mode? I have never been in this situation before...no one has ever said that I wear revealing clothes?!? What do I do???

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:14 PM on Sep. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • My MIL did this to me too... and I meant not taking up her issues with me directly, but going to my DH OR my FIL... like.. they're controllers over me? Heh.
    I just went to her one day, and said "I realize that two women don't always get along every time, especially when the pressures of "we're family now. get along" are put upon us. Whenever I do have a problem or something bothers me, I'll make sure to bring it to you, because - I know there are well wishers, and well meaners out there...but sometimes, words can change slightly when passed on from one person to another. And those slight word changes can make an innocent comment into a nasty, accusatory comment. I wouldn't want that to happen! Not when it can be solved with us two rational, smart girls. It would be really great if you could come to me too. That way, we can get to know each other better."
    That's what you could say? Tweak some words or something to that affect.
    K_Sawyer

    Answer by K_Sawyer at 6:23 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • Andddd - as for the clothes issue.
    You can ask her, if she has any suggestions on what you could wear then. Maybe make it a "bonding" time by going shopping together?
    You can also make that comment about how pregnancy and childbirth sure has changed your body, and you realize you probably can't wear the same clothes that you used to, without making others uncomfortable - and see what she has to say.
    K_Sawyer

    Answer by K_Sawyer at 6:24 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • Tell her to mind her own dang buisness, if it's not a problem but for anyone but her then there is no problem, she is straight up just being a B*tch. Sounds like she may be a wee bit jealous.
    smadar

    Answer by smadar at 6:30 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • I'd tell her that if she has something to say to you, to say it to your face. Not in a hateful, confrontational way - in a "be a grown-up and say what it is you have to say" way. Confront her about it. That's what I'd do if she was saying stuff behind my back to my husband. Ask her why she doesn't bring the problems/issues she has with you to YOU, instead of someone else. Ugh, I hate people who talk behind backs. Never say anything to someone else that you wouldn't say to a persons face.
    Blubuni99

    Answer by Blubuni99 at 6:36 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • Tell her to lay off you and if she has an issue then she needs to be a women and bring it to you and you only. She is just jealous of you and your happy family. She needs to be a women and MIND HER OWN BUSINESS. Is what she needs to do.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:52 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • ignore her. It's her issue. She's jealous. Let her wallow in her own torment.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:10 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • As much as I'd love to say if you confront her it will get better, I can't. And she is not the only person causing the problem. The fact that your DH runs right to you with it instead of telling her to either tell you to your face or keep it to herself does not help. I know. I have the same problems with my SIL and it's gotten to where I say as little as I can around her. The last time I did, she was bossing my son again, she just made a face at her mother right in front of me. Just when I think the whole situation can't get any less mature. Yours is jealous that you have a better body and that you have her brother's love and attention. The first is just plain b*tchy and the second is nauseating.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:37 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • I like K Sawyer's advice on how to handle your SIL going to your husband about things. I don't know if it will work, but I think it's great advice. I also think your husband should let her know that he doesn't want to hear all of her comments about you, your his wife and it's not appropriate.

    As for the clothes. I have been large busted since I was 14. It's caused problems in my own family and with friends. If I wear clothes that fit me well, I'm trying to be sexy. For years I just tried to hide my body. Actually, I still do much of the time. If you're comfortable in what you're wearing, and your husband doesn't have a problem with it, then it's really not anyone else's place to comment.....unless they like the way you look and want to tell you that you look great!!! If you have to change your appearance for everyone who doesn't like something, you'll be in big trouble.

    Good luck!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 8:00 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • I think next time sil starts in to your husband he should speak up and say "Sally I don't want to hear it. If you have a problem with my wife take it up with her. I am sick of hearing you complain and make rude comments about my wife". I do think you should go up to sil and say "Sally if you have a problem with me I I wish you would talk directly to me about it. I don't think it is fair to John to be put in the middle."
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 8:24 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • She's lucky it's not me or my dh she's complaining too. He could care less what I wear and where I wear it or who is around! He dresses me more revealing than I do!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    luvbnmomnwife

    Answer by luvbnmomnwife at 9:24 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

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