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how do you deal with a bad mother in law please help asap please......

when it comes to the kids if i tell them no she will go behind my back and tell them yes.when i try to help with homework she buts in and takes them to a differnt room and tell them they dont have to do it. half of the time she will say my 6 ear old is not my DH.she picks the moments when she wonts to be nice to the kids i had before i married him.i placed a baby for adoption when i was 16 she tells everyone i sold her.she tells me if i ever move her son out of town she will call dhs and make fack charges.she drinks all the time.witch i dont wont my kids around.when i let my dd go with her sibling to see my family she called the police and told them i sold her.if she gets mad at my DH she will take it out on me. at 2 in the am we get phone calls from the bars saying come pick her up.she has hit me in frount of my 6 year old.i did not hit her back because is my dh mom.what do i do about her befor i leave him because of her.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:00 PM on Sep. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I SO had this problem! Luckily for her, my hub stepped in right when I got so fed up that it was about to be physical. I agree with you, it's not pretty to hit your hubs mom, lol. I would have an entire sit down with you, her, and your hub. Make a list of the things she does that aren't acceptable and tell her that if she can't respect that then you don't want her around anymore. Why hasn't your hub stepped in and done something himself? I would address that also in your sit down. Her hitting you is NOT acceptable. Her being drunk around your children is NOT acceptable. Throwing in your face things that are none of her business to begin with is NOT acceptable. It's up to you to decide what is and isn't acceptable babe. Good luck.
    Katrina3016

    Answer by Katrina3016 at 11:04 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • Talk with your husband. He needs to handle this.
    Julie411me

    Answer by Julie411me at 11:04 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • talk with your husband, and get the authorities involved. the calling dhs, drinking and the emotional abuse you and your children are going through is not only not worth it, it is ilegal. i dont want to say that your husband doesnt love you, but nobody that truly does, aqllows somebody to mistreat you. my ex-husband, didn't stand up for me whit his mother, and the woman nearly killed me... on purpose
    izzysmommy982

    Answer by izzysmommy982 at 11:14 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • Your husband needs to handle issues with his mom; she will never take things coming from you in the same way she will from him.

    You are the parent. You cannot risk losing your authority in front of your kids to save her feelings. Your kids need to be able to look to you for an example and guidance; they cannot do that if their opinion of you is being ruined by their grandmother. If she can't back you up as a mother, then she can't see your kids and they can't see her. This might sound mean to her or even to the kids; but if she's drinking, hitting and undermining you, keeping her from the kids is better than allowing them to continue to be exposed to her toxic attitude and behavior.

    I'd had DH write her a letter, tell her that you guys love her but you're doing this BECAUSE you love her and you can't sit by and allow her to hurt herself (emotionally, psychologically), you or your kids any more (cont.)
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 11:16 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • I'd tell her in the letter that she can call you guys, only if she's ready to seek counseling, be taken to rehab or accomplish some other goal in terms of rehabilitation. I'd remind her that even if she doesn't like YOU very much, you are still the mother of her grandbabies who she does like and therefore, you deserve respect. If she cannot respect you, she cannot see you and you and your kids are a package deal. The comments about you giving your baby up for adoption (I'm adopted btw :-) ) are unnacceptable. It is none of her business what you did before you met her or her son and I'd honestly stop telling her stuff if I were you. Until she shapes up, she needs to be "out of the loop" so to speak. She hasn't earned your trust in that way in order to have personal things shared with her.

    Good luck!
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 11:16 PM on Sep. 6, 2009

  • I think you may need a restraining order against her. She sounds dangerous, and is clearly not a good influence on your kids. This must be very hard for both you and your husband. It's really hard to separate from your parents, even parents who do such terrible things. I'd be very careful of what you put in writing, as she will clearly use it against you later. I hope you are able to get help. Good luck!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:33 AM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • http://www.cafemom.com/group/MIL

    I highly recommend this group for you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:43 AM on Sep. 7, 2009

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