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Am I overreacting to dayhome provider?

My 18-month old has finished his first week with a licensed dayhome provider. The first two days, the welcome was warm and I was able to stay about 45 mins to chat, observe and help him make the transition from mummy to childcare. I noticed the tv always on and the woman's three grandchildren there (beyond the capacity). The provider refuses to hold the 8-month old baby for feedings or snuggles, just to move from crib to floor to swing and to burp. When the baby cries, she tells her "go ahead and cry I'm not going to pick you up". From day three, I sensed that she didn't want me to come into the livingroom and on Friday, day five, not into the door. When I asked about which parks she likes or her favourite nursery songs, she became defensive. I'm afraid that if my son gets hurt, she won't soothe him and I get the impression she doesn't like children. This is giving me terrible anguish and anxiety.

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Asked by thebruce at 8:21 AM on Sep. 7, 2009 in

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • I would begin looking for another daycare situation immediately. Probably no harm will come from your child being there for a couple of weeks, but it doesn't sound good to me at all.

    Answer by SWasson at 8:27 AM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • She sounds a little fishy to me, especially not letting you into the house when you drop him off. What is she not wanting you to see? I've heard my daycare provider say the same to babies about getting picked up, but to not hold them when feeding? I would certainly look around for new care, she is covering something up that just may not be the best for your son. Good luck!

    Answer by emnasmom at 8:31 AM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • You should find another caregiver that is more like yourself.

    Answer by EireLass at 8:32 AM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • I would find someone else immediately.

    Answer by mancosmomma at 10:31 AM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • Should have left right away.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:00 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • I'm a daycare provider. Although i don't have 45 minutes to chat with a parent (i do that in interview before a child starts for 2 hours & a couple visits), i would never behave the way this woman does. Infants need physical nurturing when they cry. I would not leave my child there one more day. I don't care how old a child is, if they are still taking a bottle, i hold them. It's important for a child to bond with & trust thier caregiver. As far as the tv, i have the tv on every morning for the kids before breakfast. They come early, their tired and i'm greeting parents and kids, getting breakfast, it's calming for them to relax before our day starts. But honestly, these are all questions and concerns you should have addressed before leaving your child with anyone. Unfortunately, there are caregivers out there like these. They give a bad rep for those of us who do our job with high standards. Find someone else, immediately.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:33 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • Thanks for your feedback, everybody. I live in France where the providers work for the commune daycares out of their homes. We don't get a choice of the maternal assistant, as they are called here. The daycare assigns one each year. Last year's was excellent but is full this year and the bounced my son. "Anonymous Caregiver", may I ask you: The grouping capacity is three children under 3: my son is 18 months, another is 14 months, and the youngest 8 months. Everyday (today is day 6) her three grandchildren there: I'm wondering if her youngest at 2 is staying all day, putting her over capacity. My son is happy to go and I don't feel that he's in danger, or I wouldn't take him. He's autonomous and doesn't fuss much; I'm concerned that he isn't going to get appropriate attention. How do I approach the daycare director with my concerns when there's no proof?

    Answer by thebruce at 1:10 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • OP, does that mean you can't pick your provider? You have to use whoever is assigned?

    Answer by mancosmomma at 5:12 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • See here in my county in home cargivers are allowed to have related children but only so many non-related. My friend's mom runs an in home daycare and allows my daughter to come if I need her to for whatever reason I give her money to get food though. I've never not be allowed inside the house. I mean gosh, sometimes she needs help cooking since she has to make the foods on a state provided menu. It gets nuts.

    Answer by OneToughMami at 6:04 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • Well, I called my son in sick this morning and asked for the director to call me back. When she asked how it was going, I told her that I have some serious concerns and that I wouldn't take him back ; I'm keeping him home with me. We have an appointment Thursday morning. I hope to heck to get this straightened out fast because I'm supposed to start classes on Monday and be back at work the week after. I asked yesterday if they had any space in the daycare and was told it was impossible. Our commune offered us a full 5-day slot this year, so I'm really upset that it's off to a bad start and don't want to spend another year on a waiting list somewhere. Generally you have to take whoever they assign you, barring serious problems, I assume. It's not so much that her grandkids are there, but they're 7 and 6 and rough-housers. The lady was angry and impatient with her grandsons tearing around and mine crying when he got knocked down

    Answer by thebruce at 9:20 AM on Sep. 8, 2009

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