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Problems with my sons father and grandmother.

Hello ladies,

My sons father is completely on his moms side. I like her, but she is very haphazard and careless when she watches him. (she has left him to sit or stand in the driver seat of her car and she just walks off she gets 3 feet away, sees me runnin over there and realized) Okay so, we were by the pool (she is following him around for me for a bit) and she starts talking to someone and looks at them in the opposite direction that my son is, walking dangerously close to the pool and he looked at it like he had no problem with diving in. You can't take your eyes off a child around a pool! I told his father that night about her looking away to talk to someone and he got mad at me and didn't talk to me for the rest of the night... what the heck can i do to make him see??? its like no one is on my side am i crazy because i actually pay attention to what my son is doing and her inability to watch him?


Asked by syn84 at 8:47 AM on Sep. 7, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (9)
  • 1st, a small child needs to be watched constantly. My ex mil , who loves my son dearly, took my oldest son to show off to family at an Easter picnic at a large park. After a few moments, I looked across to the area she had taken him to just in time to see her look around in 18 mo. old son was no where to be seen. We were in a crowded park with parking lots, ponds, & lots of strangers. It took about 20 min. to find him. He was okay....I was a basket case. I didn't let her watch him again for a long time. So, I understand how you feel.

    On the other hand, your mil loves your son, & someday you'll be in her position. I think I would talk to your husband when you're not upset, remember he loves his your son will love you. hopefully enlist his support, then sit down with mil & talk to her. Tell her you love her & know how much she loves your child, remind her what it felt like to be a new mom.


    Answer by ohwrite at 10:29 AM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • 1st tell him u want to sit down and have a serious talk AS ADULTS (that means no using the silent treatment) ask him how he would feel if his kid would have died. and if he understands how serious this is. and that is has NOTHING to do with the woman being his mom and that u would bring it to his attention if it were anyone else. :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:57 AM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • Well, you've made an attempt to get him to understand your concern. He is wrong to take his mothers side and not his wife's. Especially when it concerns the welfare of his child. Really the best thing for you to do would be to NOT leave the child in her care.

    Answer by EireLass at 9:14 AM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • I have learned that in situations like this, it's best to use your own eyes rather than anyone elses. She may have been "watching him" but she wasn't really keeping a close eye on your son. I think you should probably just resolve to not leave him in her care, especially in places like around the pool. If they don't want to face the fact that there is a problem with her vigilance, then you just have to step in and show that you won't let her alone with your child in a potentially dangerous place.

    A friend of mine sent her kids to spend a week with her mother in Ohio (out of state). Her mother called her to let her know that her son had been walking by the pool alone and he fell in! He was fine, but she was furious with her mother for not being right there when there was a pool around! Her son is turning two this month so I guess he was like 22 months at the time.

    You can't be too careful with small children!

    Answer by beckcorc at 9:19 AM on Sep. 7, 2009

    Rule No.4 : HE'S UR SON, NOT GRANDMA

    I have learned this the same way. My husband always took his moms side. But now he cant stand her, because we just cant simply trust her...SHE DOESNT KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MY CHILD. WORTHLESS WASTE OF TIME. HE SAW WHAT WAS HAPPENING N HOW MANY TIMES HIS DAUGHTER WAS NEGLECTED. REALITY CHECK FOR MY HSUBAND FROM HIS MOM.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:24 AM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • tell him but tell him in counselling your concerns - he is not going to listen cuz he'll feel you're just nagging at him.

    if you tell him there are things you want to work out with him for your baby he'll probably listen more.Counselllors charge all different amounts and sometimes specific religions have personal counselling too.

    I focus on telling my husband in problems with our kids that what I'm thinking of vs. his approach is what doctors say to do, the police when they speak of child safety issues. I say it firmly very firmly that he's welcome to come with me to dr. or police station to see if I'm right or wrong. That usually makes me reailize that his expertise is manythings but not kids and my expertise is kids and not some other things.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:29 AM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • they make me feel like i am the one with the problem. they say like when i watch him in the yard (grandmas yard with tons of stuff he can get into that is dangerous, and not to mention the dog crap in the yard) they say me tailing him around the yard is sheltering him! i had to come on here and ask other mothers. i honestly need to know what to do. she is a good grandma she loves her grandson and if i said anything to the effect of i dont want her to take him without us anymore she will be pissed and very upset! but what about me being upset!?? nobody seems to care how I the mother feel on this issue!

    Answer by syn84 at 10:25 AM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • Don't let her watch him. I wouldn't let her watch any of mine.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:27 AM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • Then, tell her what you've observed. Let her know that though they may feel you're overprotective, you feel that this is your child, & you don't get 2nd chances if you make a mistake. You'd appreciate it if when she is watching him, he is her total focus. You know that she loves him, & doesn't want anything to happen to him either. Then don't let her watch him unless you're there to watch as a "backup". Try to gently point out to your husband if you see a problem & have to protect your child. Remember this is his mom, he may feel that she was a perfect mother & can do no wrong. Hopefully, he'll see on his own, or better, she will be more vigilant & it won't be an issue.

    Family is so important. It sounds like your mil loves your son, & of course her son. Your son will grow up & you will be the mil. Even if you are a vigilant grandmother & do your best, DIL may do things differently, & you will have to adjust. It's hard.

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:39 AM on Sep. 7, 2009