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Why is it so hard to not care and walk away if it's for the best?

I don't want to try with my ex bf anymore. We were together for two years and have been trying to make it work for one of those years. He is an alcoholic and I can no longer allow myself to be a part of his dyfunction, unstable lifestyle. The only problem is...

I can't stop loving him, caring for him and worrying about him. I was talking to him daily which was hard for me to do but at the same time, I knew he was ok. Yesterday I didn't hear from him and from that, I got really bad anxiety and couldn't enjoy my night. I don't know why I can't just walk away and not look back...I am doing everything I possibly can to keep myself from contacting him to make sure he is still alive.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:05 PM on Sep. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Get to Al-Anon andwork on yourself. The answers will come.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:06 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • I signed up for a group on yahoo for al-anon but I am not really sure how it works. I checked to see if there were any groups like that where I live and there isn't. This small town doesn't have anything like that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:13 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • Get the book Boundaries. It helped me, it explains a lot of the dysfunction and how to deal with it. You do need time away from him. You need to work on yourself.
    stickyfingers

    Answer by stickyfingers at 4:22 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • I looked up the book boundries and a lot of them came up...is there a certain one that you are talking about?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:25 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • This is how alcoholics keep women attached. It's not love. It's co-dependence. Read all about it. You have invested years of your life into something and it's hard to let go. It happens. Now you have to get healthy and let him go so he can get healthy. Quit talking to him. He will drag you back in emotionally. It's what they do to control you. You will be surprised how quickly he replaces you with someone who feels sorry for him when you stop feeling sorry for him. That's what he wants, pity. My x is an alcoholic. I quit taking his calls and he moved on. I got healthy and we're all happy now (apart). You will continue to enable him if you keep talking to him. Stop. If you truly care about the man, stop talking to him and let him get well.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:50 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

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