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keeping a "father" away from his son

do you think that there is ever a situation that it is ok to sever the bond between a father and his son? lets just say that this person was more like a sperm donor, who has shown absolutely no interest in his offspring from his birth thru the past 7 years. and now all of the sudden he wants something to do with him. i would also like to say that he is a horrible person, who was abusive to me for our entire 3 yr relationship, does drugs, and many other bad things. There is so much to this story... I was 15 when i had him(my son) and i didn't put this man's name on the birth certificate... i wanted away from him, and i didnt want him to be able to tie me to him with our son,, my son hasn't seen him since he was 8mos old he is now 7 and he has no clue that he is his "bio" father...my husband has raised him with me since he was 1yr old.....am i doing the wrong thing ,,,keeping him away from a monster...

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:26 PM on Sep. 7, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • The father would have to do things to prove he is truly wanting to be around for his son before I just said ok and let all that go, he'd have to prove, and then you could let them work on a relationship.
    MommaRox4683

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 4:27 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • If you feel like you are doing something wrong then more than likely you are doing something wrong. Maybe your babys father has changed and wants to have a relationship with his son. Maybe not. Do what you think is right babe.
    Katrina3016

    Answer by Katrina3016 at 4:28 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • If he doesn't know that he is the dad - why disrupt your life like that? You have made a stable life for your son and he has a dad - you don't need to unnecessarily introduce such a character to him...things can only get ugly from here...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:30 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • I wouldnt let him take your son alone. Make him come to your house so you can supervise. Or at least be close by in another room so you can hear whats going on.
    stickyfingers

    Answer by stickyfingers at 4:33 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • If he has changed his ways and your child wants to see him you should allow it. I would have to know by speaking with his therapist and others around him before I allowed it. He would have to be patient and this would be a very gradual process with lots of therapists and experts involved.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:35 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • He had his chance and blew it. Your husband is his father and I can't imagine telling a seven year old any different. You do what you think is right.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 4:36 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • i agree with wildflwer no use hurting ur kid
    mirit.rose

    Answer by mirit.rose at 5:36 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • Not all males who produce sperm deserve to be fathers! My ex was a horrible person who put my son through 13 years of emotional hell when my son asked him to give up his rights he fought it for about a year mean time got behind on child support (AGAIN) and told his 13 year old son he would sign off if I didn't try to put him in jail over the child support! He basically told my son he was worth $2000.00 to him! Luckily DS had a Daddy in my DH who adopted him at 14 years old( the process took a year). So DS just walked in and I read your ? to him and he says if he hadn't known his bio until he was 7 he would have been curious to meet him and formed his own opinion of him even if it is that he is a bad person that he doesn't want in his life. I say if he wants to go through proving he is your sons father then maybe he has changed, but make him do everything through court so it isn't easy if he wont do that he cant see him.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 6:08 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • I think there are some women who keep the child from the father when there is no good reason. You, however, have a good reason. I understand where you are coming from as well. My ex hasn't seen my kids in 5 yrs. He's been convicted of rape, was abusive to me, and doesn't pay child support or do anything that indicates he even remembers he has children. So if he came around, I'd be just like you, and be telling him to get lost. No way would I want him around my kids. I don't think you're wrong. I would, however, consider getting to know him again to see if he's changed. You want to be able to tell your son later that you truly did what you thought was best.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:21 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • I say you were hurt and abused, I also know it wasn't around for 7 years, you are not GOD, only GOD can say judge him, if, he wants to be in his child life, go to the courts,and let them decide, also,was he paying child support, make sure the courts know you need child support. Did your DH adopt your son,I would also talk to your child doctor,to ask him is your son capable of handling this information.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:04 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

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