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How to stop one Granddaughter from bullying her younger cousin

It is a very long story, but the bottom line is that my older granddaughter (5) is bullying her cousin (4 and a half). I know the root is jealousy because I have taken care of the younger since birth. I have a feeling that much has been discussed within her earshot at home regarding the younger one. The 5 year old's mom is my daughter-in-law, and I know for a fact that she is upset and feels that her daughter does not get as much attention. The younger girl's parents (my son) have not been financially or emotionally sound. All things cannot be equal, but we have helped both families out financially. The older girl does bully the younger and always has to have what the younger one has. She will give her a hug and I can see she is actually trying to hurt her by squeezing hard. I need advice as to what to say to the older one to make her see Grandma cares, but I will not put up with the behavior that she is putting forth

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Ivy444

Asked by Ivy444 at 5:38 PM on Sep. 7, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (4)
  • Try to put a positive spin on your comments. For instance you mentioned the hug being too much, almost hurtful. Perhaps you could say something like "how wonderful to be such a loving older cousin, but it looks a bit like you are hugging her too hard, remember she's still a bit smaller than you, o.k.?" If the older one feels like she is being commended by you, perhaps she'll strive more to get the positive approval from you and do as you suggest?
    edcmyangels

    Answer by edcmyangels at 5:57 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • You need to keep up before gathering with older gd on what expectations and behavior is in YOUR home or she's in time out andnot allowed back.

    Do not let the girls out of sight and do not let them share toys. Toys are for each not to be shared. That can come when older gd behavior better.

    Remind older gd also arriving your home and while in your home of demanded behavior.

    Punish and increase punishment in your home for inappropriate behavior when it continues once originally punished.

    And remind in our home and out that respect and like she wants has to be given, out of your home too.

    I switced from spanking to time out oh gosh to loss of privleges and all mixed up and yelling too.
    Firm steady loss of toys, privileges if a behavior gets worse.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:58 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • thats a tough situation. Maybe you and older grand daughter could go on an outing one on one and talk about why she feels she needs to bully younger one. You might be surprised to hear what she has to say.
    SaturnsMom

    Answer by SaturnsMom at 7:26 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • I agree with recognizing the good behavior the older one does do and emphasize that with her and how HAPPY IT MAKES YOU to see her share and get along.  I would also read some books about being kind, getting along, sharing  to both of them and follow up with discussions.  Click on the links for bullying, learning to get along, manners, sibling rivalry (although they are not siblings...some of these books may help too) on this page http://www.cjkidz.com/parentsgrandparentsteachers.html   Read it in the morning and discuss, before you begin the day as a "reminder" for the day.

    momjs

    Answer by momjs at 11:03 AM on Sep. 8, 2009

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