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what can i do if the father suppose to take his son every other weekend but doesnt and then else tells his son he will take him for the wk but never shows up?

i have primary placement and his dad suppose to take him every other weekend. he hasnt follow thru for over 4yrs now.
my son now is older and able to understand. he sees his dad if lucky enough 4-6 months he never even calls him either but he does tends to set our child up alot which i always known do i keep my plans my way bcse i never know if he will or wont show up. but this time he talk to our son & told him he would tke him for the wk bfre school started. my baby got so excited that started picking his clothes out. wk went by and his dad never showed up or hasnt even called to this day to even aplogize the worst is that my son got so sad for 2wks and no matter what i did to keep his mind off didnt work.
isnt there a way i can bring this to court?i hear i can but cannot too. i have ask the father to give up his rights up if he keeps hurting our son this way he refuses but why when he else refuses to see him.

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:18 PM on Sep. 7, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • I wouldn't play the dads games, he just wouldn't be able to see his kid, it's better that way then him telling his kid this and that and not doing any of it, I'd just cut it off all together, until he can prove he's gonna step up and do what he says. Stand your ground as the momma to protect your kid from this happening, let him know you and the kid ain't taking this no more from him.

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 6:21 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • I may sound stupid,but all you can do besides going to court again is be there for your son, and please don't bash your child father in front of him, this will only make your son feel worst.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:43 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • Just step up be the parent that your child's father isn't being. My sons father is the same exact way. He is supposed to see him every week but only will show up MAYBE once a month if we're lucky and again every time he sees my son tells him "Oh i'll see you next week" i've learned to not hold my breath on him showing up. If he shows up, great if not oh well. It kills my son (he's only 4) but I do the best I can do to keep his mind off of it.

    I have also gotten to the point I have told my son's father to not even mention seeing him if there is even a small chance that he won't show up.

    If you want to fight it through court you can but chances are that won't do much. Just keep it documented each and every time your child's father shows or doesn't show when he is supposed to and if it ever goes to court or if he tries what my son's father has tried and saying you don't let him see your son you can bring that out.

    Answer by KalebsMommee at 6:50 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • cont'd...

    The only reason he won't sign over his rights because as long as he has the rights he feels he has say regardless of whether he sees him or not. My son's father only keeps rights because otherwise he'd look like a piece of crap father to his family (In which he tries to portray himself as Daddy of the year to them) and he doesn't want that. He wants them to think it's me being the bad one.

    Answer by KalebsMommee at 6:51 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • My dad did the same thing to me he would call and say he was on his way and never showed up i was about 5 years old and One day i just stoped waiting on him to show up and i told my mom i just didnt want him in my life at all and i didnt see him again until he showed up for my high school graudation. I went about 10 years without him bc i wasnt gonna let him keep hurting me. So if your son is old enough let him decided if he wants to wait on his dad or just give up on him like his dad is doing him. You can be a mom and dad to him, my mom was.

    Answer by ggiovanni at 7:19 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • There is nothing you can do to control the behavior of this dead beat dad. You can however control how his behavior affects you and your children's lives though. I went through this with my x I very simply did not answer his calls anymore. I figured if it was important he would leave a message. I screened the messages and deleted them to avoid my children hearing the message and if he showed great and if not then I did not have to worry about my kids being hurt, I would make plans and stuck to them. I am not putting my life or my kids life on hold for an individual that behaves like this. In time I would expect that he will drop out of the picture for good. I never said anything negative about the kids father though no matter how much I wanted to some times. When they grow up they can draw their own conclusions about him and what he has done. My question is. Is this man paying his child support?

    Answer by Alexus402 at 7:30 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • I did that for years. Tell your son that when dad does show up you'll ask him what's up. That gets you out of the middle of it. Let dad explain himself.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:11 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • What I would do (and I would've prob. done that very day although it would've been a bad idea) and I HAVE DONE is ....
    tell dad that he is NOT to tell the kids he is coming until he actually on the way (and in our case he's not allowed until he's actually crossed into Florida) b/c its not fair. He can tell me just not the kids just in case.
    Case in point, he told me he was coming this weekend and was leaving Thursday would be here Friday, then TEXTED me Friday NIGHT to say he hadn't been able to come.
    This has happened often enough that I talked to him, adult to adult, loving parent to loving parent (see the positive theme here) and told him that the kids had been really excited and then were dissappointed and just really messed up about the broken plans and since things just seem to happen it would be better not to tell them until it was 100% sure.
    I did it in a nice way, not putting blame or anger... and it worked. GL!!

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 8:13 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • My X tried that when we were first separated and I wasn't going to put up with him being a part of our son's life when it was "convenient" to him. It was not fair to DS and it wasn't fair to me (I couldn't plan anything around it).

    After about a year of dealing with the on and off (and mostly off) visits we went back to court and had it written into our agreement that if he missed so many visits in a row then he lost his visitation rights.

    Answer by KATEISME at 9:52 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

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