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Is my husband just lazy?

I have been married to my husband for almost two years. During these two years, I have been the one to go to work to provide money for the family. You see, my husband is on disability. We use his disability to pay some of the bills. I have to work to pay the rest of the bills. I love working so it is not about me at all. I can't stand sitting home all day without having something to stimulate my mind. My husband is on disability for his "depression". He never sleeps at night because he sleeps all day. I would love to have a husband to snuggle up to at night. When he is awake, he is playing a game on the internet for hours and hours on end. It is if he needs an escape from the reality of daily life. Back to the question. If he can be up at night playing a game for hours on end, could he get a desk job? He is a very intellegent and educated person but I feel like he is lazy. How do I approach him on this sensitive subject?

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:32 PM on Sep. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • I have suffered from depression my entire life and I've never heard of getting disability for it. Is there another mental handicap issue? I definitely think that if it's just depression that he can go get a job. I'm on anti depressants and I still work and take care of my family. I'm depressed and I don't get to sleep all day and play video games.


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:40 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • I think "Disability Insurance" is a federal thing, not a state thing. Look on the website and it'll direct you to the thing about helping the disabled get back in the workforce. There are stipulations, so he may or may not be able to.

    Answer by EireLass at 8:42 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • Thanks. I think he could work. He plays in a band and has to be paid in cash to keep his disability. He has no other mental issues as far as I am concerned. I don't mean to sound bitter but I think staying at home not doing anything but compounding his so called depression. As far as signs of depression, I can honestly say that he never has exhibited any strange symptoms of disability. He just sits around and plays games and eats all day while I go to work.

    Answer by sweetmelissa295 at 8:46 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • He is probably just lazy. I suffer from depression and qualify for disability I did recieve it until my meds took affect and did all my therapies. I did not play on the computer all day I took meds so I could sleep at night and then function during the day. I was off disability after 3 months and back to work. If he can sit and play on the computer all day he can work. I am sorry you are married to a loser.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:47 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • I thought so.

    Answer by sweetmelissa295 at 8:49 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • So, how can I talk to him about this problem? I don't want to get a divorce because he truely has some wonderful qualities about him. He is a wonderful listener and I honestly believe he loves me. I just want him to be happy but yet contribute in some way financially and constuctively.

    Answer by sweetmelissa295 at 8:59 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • I also take meds for depression. Everyday life depresses me but I know I cant think of myself because I have to support my babies. I thinkhe just needs to man up and take care of his responsibilities. Get rid of the video games or whatever and tell its time to be a real man. Sorry you have to put up with this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:04 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • I would just tell him he has to get into a doctor and get therapy. Depression is highy treatable. Him leaving the house and getting sun would help, a healthy diet, exercise, talk therapy and meds all help. He is chosing to be depressed and if he loved you he would not choose that for you or for him. He is not giving his best to you or the family. If he loved you he would fix this and not be a lazy jerk that sit on the computer all night and sleeps all day while you do everything else. He only loves himself. If he can play on the computer all night and be in a band he can get a real job. I could never respect a man like that and would never think he loved me. Again I am really sorry you are stuck with a loser.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:13 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • There are different levels of depression. He could have what is called "Major Depressive Disorder". My thought is that you've never talked with his doctor or therapist about this with him. You should probably encourage him to share one of his appointments with you so you can question the doctor as well, and learn more about what he really has.

    Answer by EireLass at 9:32 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • If the man is eligible for disability there is a reason and should not be pushed into working until he is ready to do so. I get disability for depression and if someone pushed me back into the workforce I'd probably harm myself. I can't get back out there. Let's not forget there is a recession and jobs are not easy to get. You should be supportive of his condition not call him lazy. What's to talk about? He's bringing in income so what are you griping about?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:32 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

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