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Marital problems lately: Am I making a big deal out of this one?

My husband and I have had some serious marital problems lately- to the point that I have just wanted to run away. Recently my husband was laid off from his job to add more stress and I have been sick all year in and out of the hospital with a recurring infection. So I know things have been tough on him as well. He is the sole bread winner in the house and I stay home with our 2 children. But, my husband has been different towards me. I have not been able to put my finger on it but he's changed. This morning at 9:30am after washing and dressing the children I awake to find that my dh has apparantly left the house and Im like -wtf- I cant just get up and leave the house! I call him and he claims he told me he was going out and that he has chores to run but does not offer what his chores are! He was very short with me on the phone, does not offer when he will be home...no consideration. Should this be an issue? Thanks.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:43 AM on Sep. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Maybe he's trying to find a job and he doesn't want to get your hopes up. Maybe he just needs some space away from the stress. I'd let it slide if you trust him.
    toriandgrace

    Answer by toriandgrace at 10:46 AM on Sep. 8, 2009

  • I'm with you, I can't just leave or go do what I want when I want, but my SO sometimes thinks he can. The one thing you do need to keep in mind is that men think differently than women do. I knwo a lot of time with my SO, he doesn't "think about it." And he isn't saying it because he is trying to make excuses, he says it, because it is true. I know that it hurts you and makes you angry when he doesn't consider you, and I am really sorry to say, but that is just how MOST men are. If you feel so strong about your "failing" marriage, you need to talk to him about it, and tell him how you're feeling.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:47 AM on Sep. 8, 2009

  • Right now - this very minute - No, I don't think you should make issue with it. You are both under tremendous amounts of stress and any more could break you both. I'm sure he's either out trying to find a solution or trying desperately to find a task to help calm his worries. Yes, you are there with the babies, and you can't just run out - but that is by nature the roles that each of you play. Right now it is truly your job to give more than you take. If you put the screws to a man who's lost his job, knows he's the only bread winner in the family, knows that those babies are depending on him, and has been feeling worthless, you will cause more harm to your marriage. I honestly think now is a time to let the man breathe. (I'm talking about today - not every day). He may be trying to work on a job lead - and is fearful of getting your hopes or expectations up. Let this one slide - this time.
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 10:50 AM on Sep. 8, 2009

  • Out of respect, he should at least let u know that he is leaving the house. That is disrespectful and unacceptable to me. You need to sit down and talk to him and find out what his problem is, what he's up to during the day, etc. Maybe he is looking for a job, but he should tell you that, you are his partner and make him treat you as such.
    LadyEb

    Answer by LadyEb at 10:51 AM on Sep. 8, 2009

  • YOu need to talk to him right away, get a baby sitter go out to dinner, have a night alone... talk to him tell him that the two of you are a team and can get through whatever life throws at you. I recently had a big problem with my husband and found that he had an affair behind my back... we had the same finacial problems... new baby and such... I knew he was acting different but i couldnt (the same as you) put my finger on it... hopefully your situation is different but i would be very careful.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 AM on Sep. 8, 2009

  • I would talk to him, nicely, and ask him to let you know when he's leaving and approximately what time he will be home. It's not even a respect thing, it's a courtesy thing - you have the kids to take care of.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 1:21 PM on Sep. 8, 2009

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