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How far would you go to proctect your child from a jerk?

Long story short ( I will try) She is 14 he is 18. I have pressed sexual assualt charges against him, or rather she did. ( she was 13 at the time) He was questioned and we have his dna. She thinks he the best thing since sliced bread. Since December of 08 they have had secrect meetings and we warned this punk stay away from our CHILD she is just a stupid kid. He is stupid but not a kid. She was caught talking to him again and so i filed for a order of procetion. He does have background of sorts. I love my girl and i know she is just not thinking right. what else can i do. Why cant my love be enough for her and why does she have to try to grow up so fast. What would you do to safe your child from a (insert a multitude of hatefullness here) I just want my family to heal. She was seeing a sexual assualt couniler. ugh ugg ught. This is a beautiful smart young girl with her life in front of her. y wont she stay away from him?

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debmom07

Asked by debmom07 at 2:50 PM on Sep. 8, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 6 (132 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I don't understand. Why did she file sexual assulalt charges? did he rape her? I mean, I know since he's older is legally wrong and considered rape but why would you want to be with someone who sexually assulted you? Was it consentual?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:55 PM on Sep. 8, 2009

  • i started dating a jerk when i was 16 and he was 20. it was horrible. but there was nothing my mom could do about it. if she would of tried to stop me, i probably would of just ran away with him. she might just have to learn for herself.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 2:56 PM on Sep. 8, 2009

  • She's 14. You are her mother. By law, you are required to provide her with food, clothing, & shelter. There is nothing in there stating she gets FREEDOM or PRIVILEDGES.

    Notify the school of the situation so that they keep an eye on her. Notify your daughter's friends' parents of the situation & have them call you if they witness anything fishy.

    You take her to school & pick her up from schoolAfter school, she comes home & STAYS home. There is no reason for her to make/recieve a phone call... no reason to go to the park... no reason to go to the mall... no reason to walk to the mailbox... no reason to have unsupervised internet access... no reason to have a cell phone, etc.

    If she wants to act like a defiant 2 yr old... treat her like one. She's a minor -- if she does anything stupid, you will be held liable for it.... therefore, you have to eliminate the risk.
    Laura1229

    Answer by Laura1229 at 3:02 PM on Sep. 8, 2009

  • I don't envy your position. Just hang on to the fact that if you remain a consistent, concerned, and loving parent, ultimately your daughter will recognize it. When I was a teen I said and did all kinds of nasty things to parents. They hung in there and now I thank my lucky stars I had the parents I did. I even think they were right just about everything. All you can do is protect your daughter and hope she realizes it sooner rather than later. GL
    FuzNet

    Answer by FuzNet at 3:05 PM on Sep. 8, 2009

  • I honestly don't think there is anything you can do to stop her. She is a child but at the same time she doesn't think that she is and the fact that you're treating her like one doesn't make the situation any better. I would try more to level with her and have an "adult" conversation with her about cause and effect, consequences for her actions that kind of thing. If there is an immediate violent danger like rape or physical abuse i would move her away. But if you're just afraid of a broken heart i would bite my tongue and pick up the pieces later. Hopefully she'll heed your advice next time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:17 PM on Sep. 8, 2009

  • That's a tough one. When I married my ex, I knew it was a mistake and I kind of wished just one person would tell me that I shouldn't do it. My parents wouldn't do that, though, b/c they figured if they told me that, it would only push me more toward him. I think you're kind of caught in that spot where she's going toward him b/c you've put your foot down, and unfortunately, you can't just let her go and learn for herself on this one, as my parents did me. I was an adult, so my choice was my choice and I was old enough to deal with the consequences. She's a child, and not nearly ready to deal with the consequences. I kind of think Laura1229 has the right idea. Just crack down on her, don't let her have any chances to be with him, to call him, e-mail him, anything, until they both figure out that you mean business and you do not want them together. Good luck!
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 3:35 PM on Sep. 8, 2009

  • I hate to say this, but at that age when my parents pushed me that way, I fought harder to see those they considered a bad influence. Also, when I was a manager at McDonalds, we had this happen with a couple employees... Minor girl, 20ish guy. Make sure she knows you love and care for her, support her in the things she does your approve of, let her know you disapprove of her actions with this boy. Be very accommodating when she wants to do things with other in situations you know he wont be at, and make it challenging for her to do things he can be at (but don't draw attention to it, just make it unpleasant/hard for her to do them). If its work to see him, but not work to go do other fun things, she will start choosing the easier path, and reinforcement of the good will make her keep choosing it. Good luck, your pretty much in a no win situation
    auroura

    Answer by auroura at 4:24 PM on Sep. 8, 2009

  • Stop pushing so hard, it will only make him more appealing to her. Give your opinion, but don't push. I know she is your daughter and it is hard to see our children make mistakes, but they won't learn from those mistakes if we keep bailing them out of trouble. Make sure she knows that you are there for her, love her and want the best for. If he does anything against the order of protection..call the police or his PO.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:07 PM on Sep. 8, 2009

  • I think Laura 1220 has the right idea. Don't give her the opportunity to see him. I married my 1st husband when I was 20 and he was 33 - he was controlling and emotionally abusive and I should have listened to my family. I wish I had been under 18 so they could have protected me from my own stupid decisions.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 10:13 AM on Sep. 9, 2009

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